I am called Hollywood Texas. I am a brown, queer, trans, First Gendered, healer and artist from San Francisco, who is currently within the process of healing their disability, as well as processing a very unique, non-binary, medical gender transition unrecognized by the majority of our current society. Before becoming disabled in May 2019, I enjoyed earning a living as strength trainer, movement coach, a bartender, a dancer and performer. Today, most of my time is split between various therapies, healing modalities, treatments, services and procedures that aid in the transition of not only how my body physically appears but moreover how it functions and relates to itself on a daily basis.
The family I was born into was a jewish family and at eight days old I was sexually assaulted, genitally mutilated, physically deformed, and neurologically traumatized by what is known as circumcision. This trauma initially manifested as what I was told were allergies that I had been “born-with” and soon would transform into what western medicine could only diagnose as “chronic pain” - what I know now to be not only the constant state of Hyper-Vigilance experienced by my nervous system, but the life-long, ever evolving physiological and psychosomatic illnesses experienced by my entire body for thirty-five years now. Over a decade ago while in my early twenties, after regularly experiencing far too much pain in my body for a “young/healthy” person to be feeling and after “throwing my back out” three times in one year, I began to pursue the healing of my chronic pain by training in self defense and fitness (Krav Maga, Crossfit); as I was under the impression that I was weak, ill and too soft to support my own physically demanding lifestyle.
As a trans, First Gendered person buried far too deep in fear to see myself, the tremendous amount of pain and anger that my very queer subconscious had deposited into repression ended up becoming the perfect fuel for arguably the most difficult sport in human performance - olympic weight lifting. I learned the sport of fitness like a dancer would learn to dance, I learned a multitude skills, I lifted a lot of weight, I became a keenly observant coach and a regarded athlete but the more I trained and the more I moved, the harder I became, the more limited my range of motion became, and the further I felt from my true self. The hardening of my body, the dulling of my soul, and the calcification of my connective tissue was the result of trying to protect myself and my softness with hardness - just like the skin cells of my genitalia without their natural prepuce. I began to trade the pain I could feel, for the pain I could create. This led to my first herniated disk, which I respond to with even more strength training, hardening and more hyper-vigilant neurological guarding. This hyper-hardened state became too much for my body when five years later I herniated a disk in my lower back for the second time, and was given yet another unhelpful diagnosis of an extruded disk congruent with a degenerative disk disease.
Today I am pursuing the soft, sensitive nature I was born with, the one that naturally protects itself by remaining inside until safe and excited to venture out, just like the function of the skin and connective tissue that were permanently removed from my genitals so many years ago. I am not a doctor, I am a healer and I am restoring my connection to the self I was born as yet taken away from, to my knowledge, and to my ancestors (The First Gender) through the restoration of my foreskin. This procedure is a lengthy, time consuming, and painful process that is taxing physically and mentally but I am simply unable to continue pursuing the path of the hardness and rigidity ingrained so many years ago. Though I have gained many abilities that many would consider super, the one thing I am still unable to be, the thing I have been prevented from being - is my true self. I am Hollywood Texas, I am trans, I am disabled and I need your help. A financial contribution in ANY amount is so greatly appreciated as many alternative methods that work effectively for my body are not typically covered by insurance. Your help is so welcome really in any form you feel inspired to offer it, such as healing or therapeutic services (donations, discounts, trades), a song to sing, an emoji text, a bad joke, a telegram, chocolate, or flowers, a soft gift, edibles/smokeables, best wishes, a crystal, thoughts and prayers, lunch, medicine, things to drink, a hot-water bottle, a hug or a kiss.
The Last Mojosexual,
- Keesha Bush-Trenerry
- Lez Purr
San Francisco, CA