Melissa & Michael’s IVF journey

They say it takes a village to raise a child… well sometimes it takes a village to create one.

We met later in life when both of us were starting to give up hope on finding that special someone to share our life with. Mutual friends introduced us and there was an immediate connection. We shared so many dreams, including our biggest one of creating a family together. Melissa dreamed of being a mom since she was a little girl & Michael dreamed of coaching his kid at basketball every time he was on a court. We fell crazy in love and also were a bit crazy when we decided to buy a house and move to the suburbs a month before our wedding in the fall of 2021. It was a whirlwind of many joyous occasions.

However, it was also a very challenging time because in early summer 2021 we found out Melissa had low ovarian reserve, which meant our dream of becoming parents was going to be a very challenging road. We started a work up with the fertility doctor and learned that the odds of conceiving on our own were very small. Then, to our surprise, in July we got a call telling us we were pregnant. We were over the moon, only to find out shortly after that it was an ectopic pregnancy. There was no chance of the baby surviving and Melissa’s life could be in danger if she didn’t receive immediate treatment. We though that since we conceived naturally once, then maybe our odds were better than they originally thought.

Then we were hit with more bad news… Melissa’s insurance doesn’t cover infertility. We’d have to pay it all out of pocket. Melissa had a test to make sure the Fallopian tubes weren’t blocked and had a biopsy of the uterus to make sure it was healthy enough for an embryo to implant. We tried a few rounds of medicated cycles, throughout the fall, but none worked. The doctors told us our only hope was IVF. We moved into our home in the burbs, the one we imagined with a nursery in & our kids playing in the yard. We got married in November and went on our honeymoon in December. People told us to “just be less stressed and it’ll happen.” Despite knowing the science, we hoped was that maybe we’d conceive on our stress-free honeymoon. Unfortunately we weren’t successful and after the holidays we began IVF.

Fortunately after the wedding, Melissa went on Michael’s insurance and we found out that it offers a lifetime max of $20,000!! So no actual fertility coverage, but they give a flat $20,000 only once to help with infertility.

We did our first retrieval cycle in January. Melissa had to give herself 4-5 injections for 13 days. She couldn’t play volleyball, work out, or lift anything more then 5lbs. And holy hormones!!! She’s always up for a challenge, however we didn’t realize the financial challenge. The first retrieval cycle would have used our entire $20,000 from insurance, unless we paid for the meds out of pocket. So we paid about $10,000 and began the injections. The doctor said he hoped to get 4 eggs… instead we got 8! But then they have to fertilize, split correctly and pass genetic testing. Several weeks later we got the call and were told that none of them were viable. Our hearts broke.

But we tried again. round two cost another $10,000 out of pocket and Melissa started acupuncture. we got 7 eggs this time…. None of which ended up being viable.

Melissa improved upon her diet, continued with acupuncture and we moved on to round 3. The doctor changed the medications and added another that was an additional $2000 out of pocket(on top of the $10,000 for meds each round). Insurance told us we were almost out of the $20,000 for infertility. But the doctor and nurses felt good about this round. they thought we might have 13 eggs at the retrieval. We were excited… the procedure was scheduled 6 days after Michael’s birthday and the day before Melissa’s birthday. And then the horrible happened… Melissa ovulated a few hours before the procedure and the eggs were lost. She still wanted to try the procedure to see if the doc could find any. It was to no avail. She woke up from anesthesia crying from the bad news. She asked for an IUI (imagine a turkey baster) and the nurse thought this was a wonderful idea to see if maybe we could work some magic with all those eggs lost inside her. two weeks later we found out that the Hail Mary didn’t work and we weren’t pregnant.

We had many long conversations if we should try again or give up on our dream. We had already paid $32,000 for meds, plus the cost copays, supplements, acupuncture, etc. The money from insurance was used up. But we decided to give it one more try. It was our dream to have a baby together and we didn’t want to have regrets.

We paid another $12,000 for the same meds and had our 4th retrieval in June. This time we got 10 eggs, but as usual only a portion fertilized and after a few days the embryologist told us 3 we’re good enough to be sent out for genetic testing. This test costs $2000 each time it’s done and it was the dead end on the first two cycles. We were nervous.

We went to Florida to celebrate Melissa’s grandparent’s 75th wedding anniversary. We hadn’t seen them in person since our wedding. Melissa told them about the IVF journey. Literally 10 minutes later the embryologist called and told us we have TWO VIABLE EMBRYOS!!! We fell to the floor crying tears of joy. Michael shared the news with the family. Grandma hugged Melissa and told her “I know how much you want to be a mom. You’re going to make a great mother” and shared in the celebration. Michael started calling the two embryos “Frick and Frack.” We were over the moon.

We returned home and the doctor told us the plan.. a few more biopsies and then we can try to transfer one of the embryos. But everything had to be delayed. Melissa’s grandparents both got COVID and her grandmother didn’t survive.

We returned from the funeral in NY and Melissa realized her period was late. She took a pregnancy test and it was positive!!! She was so excited that she woke Michael up and showed him the test. His sleepy response: “you have COVID?” After explaining it was a pregnancy test we cried tears of joy. We thought Grandma pulled off a miracle in heaven and that we conceived naturally. We scheduled an appointment with the doctor the next day. At the appointment we found out more heartbreaking news… it was a chemical pregnancy. It wouldn’t survive, no matter what we did. We had to just wait for it to pass on its own.

So back to our beloved Frick and Frack, who we are paying $750 to store on ice. Back to the biopsies that cost $4000 out of pocket. Back to buying more medications and needles out of pocket….

So here we are. So full of love for each other and for our future baby that feels so close and yet so far away. So shocked that Melissa’s insurance doesn’t cover infertility & the $20,000 from Michael’s insurance is long gone. So now we are in the uncomfortable spot of asking our friends and family to help make our dream come true. We’ve managed all the ups and downs so far on the rollercoaster of IVF, but we simply cannot manage to spend another $50,000 to see if we can turn Frick & Frack from embryos into a baby (or two). We appreciate any help, no matter the size. Please help us make our dreams come true. In return, we promise to be the best possible parents to this child(ren) that we already have done so much for & to make sure every day they know how much they are loved, not just by us, but also by our amazing friends and family who helped us during such a challenging time.