Tragedy Begets Tragedy
Hi there. Thank you for being here.
The photo above is one of my Mom hijacking my Dad's golf game.
Hence his goofy face..
They had been married 39 years and were completely inseparable.
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I never thought I would do this.. be here.. making one of these. Never presumed it would reach this level.
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This has been such a difficult year for us all and this feels so selfish.
However, I suppose there are fortunate ones out there willing to assist us in need that are a bit less fortunate at the moment.
My mother passed away December 17, 2020.
She fell, hit her head.. and it lead to the end.
This account is for her medical expenses and so much more.
Please allow me time to share the story from the beginning.
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I suppose Covid would be the beginning.
My Mom had been off of work for seven months.
...
She was terrified of being out in public and contracting covid, so she stayed in.
During this period, she developed a SEVERE anxiety.
Let us fast forward to a few months ago.
My girlfriend of 8 years and I had broken up. I was helping raise her daughter age 2-10. I was her Dad.
So I moved back in with my parents at 32 years of age. Displaced. Had to change jobs as well...
Heartbroken, I laid in bed for two weeks -- missed work.. failed out of my college course, which for some reason I need to pay extra money due to the fail.
Meanwhile, I have a National Honor Society and Dean's List letter next to my computer. I was a 4.0 student. This is irrelevant, but part of the reality.
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As noted above, my mother had developed severe anxiety over this time frame. By the time I moved back home, she was completely anxious all of the time.. in a panic. I can relate, I understand, I am of her blood.
Unfortunate for her... she wound up spending too much time in bed and watching the news. She was getting increasingly fearful of Covid-19.
To top this off, we had a dog who was equally anxious.. a beautiful creature.. 13 years old at this point::
This is Annabelle when she was healthy.
She wound up at a point where she could not stop itching herself. She saw the leading dermatologist in the nation who believed it was cancer, but cancer tests turned out negative.
I don't know that I should show it.. but I will. She was looking like this toward the end.. that's her back::
This is Annabelle when she was unhealthy.
ugh.
So we kept her in a sweater, with that balloon cone around her collar.. we bathed her every few days with what was supposed to help ease the itch. None of it ever really worked.. she cried all bath, she'd find a way to rip off the sweater and go to town on herself and the above is a result of this.
She was put down 4 days after my Mom passed.
So, my Mom and Belle were tight.. like this. This is less than a month before they both passed.
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My MOM was on bad medicine. going through trials to find the right mix to fix her.
The doctor had her on Quetiapine Fumarate up until her fall.. and that is THE WRONG drug.
I mean, for starters, you cannot mix it with alcohol and my mom appreciated a drink.
It is designed to treat bipolar/schizophrenia... whereas my Mom had ANXIETY.
Not good.
(She was experiencing all of the side effects)
She was weening off of it to start something else, and her last day on this med is when she fell.
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My Mom tripped and hit her head on something when nobody was around.
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My Dad and I came to her room about the same time.
She was exclaiming that she hit her head and saying her head hurt.
"My head hurts," was no unusual phrase from her, as she had been exclaiming this for a few months already.. daily.. the headaches were coupled with her anxiety.
She never went to PROPERLY see a doctor, due to her Covid fears... so she only talked over the phone.
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We asked where she hit her head, she didn't know.
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We asked if she wanted us to call an ambulance.. or a doctor.. or.. drive her to ER.. was she okay?!
She responded with a, "There is no f'n way, your f'n getting me to any f'n hospital"
I'm being candid, but you.. being here.. deserve to know. And I thank you.
She was so incredibly terrified of Covid that it took her life.. through fear.
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She seemed not too out of ordinary, aside from saying she hit her head... with all the anxiety that had been building, unfortunately, she was in a similar circumstance since I'd been home.
So I head to work.
I get home.. I check on her.. and it is immediately obvious that her health has declined. I cannot wake her up... the breathing is so rapid... we call 911 and watch her get carried out on a blanket.
I need to take a breath here...
(SWEATER)
So.. they needed to perform immediate brain surgery in order for her to survive the night.. this involved removing a quarter of her skull to relieve a brain bleed... subdural hematoma.
In retrospect, this may have been happening for months and why she would frequently say her head hurts, convulse and hold her head.. all prior to this happening.
The fall may have just advanced it.
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So she was unconscious after work when I found her... she never woke up. Surgery.. 12 days in hospital... her brain activity was good the first few days, but quickly declined... until she was gone.
DECEMBER 17.
This very night... my Dad and I were trying to keep our mind off things, so we were playing Madden when my left arm went completely numb. Then my right.. then my entire body was tingly (that sleeping feeling).. then everything cramped up.. I fell to the floor. I couldn't separate my fingers, my brain was active.. but my body was screwed. He had to call 911 again!
I was helping talk with him to the operator at the station when my voice started to slur and droop... I thought.. is this a stroke?!
They came and checked me out.. I had started to feel a bit better by this point.. un-cramp. I had a blood pressure of around 180/130... so they recommend I come in to be checked out-- was all fine, but another bill in this circle of madness.
Need to address that High Blood Pressure.
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THREE DAYS LATER: DECEMBER 20
Three days later... my ex's Dad dies... something with his heart. RIP EMMETT.
(this man had all of the best stories.. and told them better than you could imagine)
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AND THE DAY AFTER THAT?
The following day, we put down my Dog due to her scratching.
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So this is why I am here.. I missed a month of work... two weeks from a break up, two weeks after my Mom passed.
I have been suffering bouts of constant vomit and tremors... sure signs of PTSD with everything happening so suddenly.
I need to get treated for this.
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My ex can only work two days a week when her sister can watch her Mom.
Not only has her Dad passed, but her Mom developed a sudden onset dementia.. literally over night.
This came on sometime since October... She can't be treated until February and that is WITH a recommendation.. otherwise it wouldn't have been until SEPTEMBER!!!
Maddie is resilient and doing good despite all the tragedy surrounding her.
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Depending on how well this fundraiser goes.. I would like to pay for Veronica (my ex)'s situation as well.. she deserves it.
She is doing all of this on her own... the paper work.. everything.. figuring out debts and stuff she never knew about her parents. They are also in the middle of a move.. my Dad and I just drove out there (a good hour away) yesterday to help move some stuff out of their old house.. a large farm house... to help get it ready to sell so she can generate some money to survive.
I talked with her and that is when I decided to come here to make one of these things.
I feel so selfish, this last year has been incredibly difficult for us all.
I love you all and greatly appreciate anyone that took the time to read my story. If you happen to be here, fortunate, willing.. uh.. anything is so much more than I could ask for.
I am starting this at 10,000.. which is .. might not even cover my Mom's medical expenses.. but.. if it goes well.. if we go over.. again, I will spread it to Veronica. This is so sad.. I know it could be worse, but we lost two of the best presences that this world has ever known.. and I wish you could have known them.. maybe some of you had that pleasure.
They both could have been famous stand up comedians!
This fundraiser is for Medical Expenses.. past and future... Memorial Expenses... My Dad has been off of work all of this time too.. There are debts that need to be fulfilled.. so it goes toward that... and if we go beyond the ten grand and climb, I want to pay for all of Veronica's expenses as well. Those may be even more grand, as she needs to care for her Mother and Daughter throughout all of this.
Bless you.
All the love in the world to you and yours, and hopefully I can return the favor someday!
-Matty D.
<3
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UPDATE 1/13/2021
<3 you all.
Thank you so much for all of your help!
Most recently there has been less than good news as people keep falling around us.
It's as though everyone we know has lost someone this last year. It's absurd!
In the realm of this post and story, however..
My EX has been trying to sell her parents old home...
Well, really.. her parents moved about a year or two ago. From this large farmhouse into a subdivision in town out in Shawano, WI.
They never SOLD the old house.. they put about thirty grand into it to get it fresh for sale.
They started by renting it out, had shitty first tenants and that ruined the idea for them.
Then the deterioration started on their health and... it kind of became a forgotten project.
Skip ahead to a week or two ago.
My Dad and I went over there to help move a closet full of about a thousand books across the street to the barn side.
They have the house w a nice bit of yard on one side of the street and a barn on the other. The plan was that they are only selling the house side.
It was freezing when we helped move, so we turned up the thermostat 10 degrees to try and ensure the water pipes didn't burst.
Skip forward to a few days ago.. the water pipes DID burst.
I wish we would have turned off the water lines, but apparently the home was heated by water.
Ugh.
They burst upstairs... a neighbor who keeps an eye on the place somehow caught it.. got in there and drilled a hole from the upstairs bedroom to the kitchen floor to allow the water to drain down near an exit door. Help to push it outside.
It was a bit too late as it appears the entire place has now turned into an ice arena.
At this point, despite minimal contact with my ex, we all hope and pray that
A) Her parents insurance covers a totaled house. and
B) The damage is significant enough that the house is considered totaled.
Otherwise, the repairs will be insane.. I mean.. she is on her own... single Mom, taking care of her Mom in a separate house that needs to be paid.. so many bills.. and she is a hair stylist.. and I can't help much as I am a grocery store meat cutter!
(to any vegetarians out there.. I hear you.. it was just the best paying gig when I lived with her in rural Shawano. The things you do for love!)
We are not 'unfortunate,' but don't have much to fall back on in terms of these sorts of expenses.
<3 <3 <3
please keep sharing.
please have a better time yourselves.
Everywhere we turn there is tragedy.. and we try to keep smiling.. I wish you may..
I wish you well.
<3 Matty.
