There’s nothing more humbling than having to ask for money on the internet, I’ve decided that. But rather than feeling too prideful or allowing my own shame of “failure” to take hold of me, it’s time to get honest.

This has been one of the darkest seasons of my life and the lives of those around me. I do not feel anything kind or good about myself while writing this—I do not feel anything but tired in truth. This is one of the worst holiday specials I have ever starred in. My fiancé got laid off near the election and we’ve been fighting to stay afloat. This year we had to run through a lot of our attempts at savings due to my health issues. I spent a month in and out of the hospital due to a Lupus flare-up that made it hard to breathe and another span of months having issues with mobility in my arms and my legs. I couldn’t walk some days, which was terrible. Worse were the days when I couldn’t use my hands at all. I ended up taking negative 90 hours in PTO at my current job, which I am beyond grateful they allowed, just so that I could prioritize my health. Not a lot of places offer that kindness. Through those very hard and frequent times, Zach was nothing but wonderful and resilient, keeping us above water to his best ability. With getting laid off before the start of the holiday season though (and right before his birthday, of course), I have been working my hardest to stabilize us with my income (which, though I do love my job, is considerably less than what his was) and have not been able to make it. We’ve fallen behind, and I would love to catch up or at least get close while Zach keeps working on finding a new job to get us back to good again. Or at least, good enough.

Which is why we’re here. I’m falling short in a lot of spaces, and I don’t have a lot of avenues for help that feel actually feasible. That being said, I’m here asking for a Christmas / Yule / Holiday / Whatever the Hell Miracle. That’s kind of where I’m at. I am never trying to live in despair or hopelessness again—I’ve spent a lot of my life there—but this has been a strain on my growth and a test of my own mental capability.

I know it’s a lot to ask for money, so please don’t feel obliged. If you are interested in helping us get through this dark night of the soul moment but would like something in return, I do tarot and natal chart readings on the side and would be willing to trade for a fair price if that is more enticing.

Any little thing would help. Honestly, just reading this and thinking about it helps because that reminds me that people are out there that desire to do good in the world. If you do not wish to donate through kickstarter I also have cashapp and venmo, both at the handle: jadeashling

Thank you for your time.

UPDATE: Wow. Thank you all so much for your support. We were not expecting to receive so much kindness so quickly. I’ve went ahead and adjusted our goal to include helping with our electric and other things we’ve fallen behind on for transparency. I am more than grateful for what we have though. I never thought we’d get to where we are. Thank you all so very much.