help me save my mother.

the choice to try for the absolute best is something you have to set your whole heart on and i have , my family is pretty big family and i got blessed with the most amazing mother in the whole world.

i have 2 brothers, one of my brothers is non verbal autistic hes 8 and another brother is 4 and a big ball of energy, always curious about something.

I also have a sister who is closer to me I'm 15 and she is 14. Shes a little unique diva who has the personality of a character she's just a baby to me still, I love my odd little family a lot.

My names koi, I'm a freshman and i was born on 5/30/09. I love creativity and art I enjoy posting on socials, drawings, editing, creating animations and 3d stuff on my computer i don't do anything else besides hanging out with friends and playing video games. My family has always fueled that and has been my motivation to continue my loop but recently I'm scared, I'm so very scared.

My mother has taken care of me my whole life, my mom is sick with several immune disorders. she suffers from

Rheumatoid arthritis a chronic autoimmune disease that causes painful, swollen, and stiff joints

Sjogren's syndrome a chronic autoimmune disease that causes the immune system to attack the glands that produce moisture in the body

Thalassemia is an inherited blood disorder that affects the body's ability to produce hemoglobin, the protein in red blood cells that carries oxygen.

Systemic Lupus erythematosus (SLE), a chronic autoimmune disease that causes the body's immune system to attack healthy tissues. This attack can lead to inflammation and damage to many parts of the body, including the skin, joints, heart, lungs, kidneys, brain, and blood cells.

Fibro myalgia a chronic condition that causes widespread pain and tenderness in the body

Leukopenia a condition where the body has a lower-than-normal number of white blood cells (WBCs) in the blood. WBCs are produced in the bone marrow and help the body fight infection and disease. A low WBC count increases the risk of infection.

my whole life she has went in and out of the hospital. trip after trip after trip.

we have struggled to keep this family, our bills are expensive. I struggle with severe mental health i have depression, npd, bpd, adhd and an anxiety disorder, i cost a lot on my own. including medicine, hospital visits, therapy, and resources. On top of me, my brother is high on the spectrum and also needs a lot of resources and needs therapy but again extremely expensive. My other siblings also cost a bit. My mother cant work she stays home and takes care of me and my siblings, she pushes her self even when she can barely get out of bed. Our source of money comes from my father who is in the military he works as a eod in the air force, We have a big family and our situation isn't normal so a normal money situation doesn't help ether. day by day i have to watch my mother sacrifice her self literally killing herself simply because we don't have the resources near us to help her and we cant afford it. she avoids going to the hospital cuz she always ends up staying and doesn't want to be far away from us because of her mom guilt plus hospital bills are always insane by the end of her stay so we get to struggle staying stable. The closest doctor that actually specializes on people like her is 3 states away she has absolutely nothing here.

She has been extremely sick sense this Christmas break she has not left her bed in days she cannot move she is in so much pain and we cant afford to help her. without my mom i am nothing and i have nothing she has given me her EVERYTHING i own her my life and i have a single clue what i could do to help her. I Applied for several jobs near me and i couldn't find one especially sense I'm 15 and work hours, so i have turned all my hobbies into jobs to sell commissions and gather up money so i can help my mom get the help she needs. i will not stop helping my mom and regardless what i have to do i will help her get better. all i want is to not have to go to sleep paranoid my mom isn't going to be here tomorrow. I want her to be happy, all that comes out of her mouth is that she's so skinny, ugly, ruined, gross she cries all the time because she hates her self. she cant see how beautiful she is. her hairs falling out. she's skin and bones to her she's not even her anymore. on top of all her physical illnesses she also suffers from SEVERE mental illness to. for the biggest heart and the purest soul to end up with all of this is her living hell. i want to make her happy and surprise her, show her how much she has meant to me and still does mean to me. i want to see my mom better i want this surgery for her please help me I'm scared and i don't know what to do anymore.

she's always been there to cheer me up, and now i want it to be my turn.