Ken McHugh's wish for his 4 Kids
Donation protected
Ken McHugh passsed on December 19, 2015. He wrote about his dying wish here:
In 2010 my four children were 13, 11, 9 and 8 years old. They were and are my world. Nothing makes me happier than to see them happy. Anyone who knows me knows this is true. I have always worried about their future. It's just who I am. I have always done everything possible to make sure they have had a happy and secure life. Then, one horrible day in April of 2010 our world shattered. I was told I had Pancreas Cancer. I was told to prepare to die; that I had a maximum of two years of life left. The most horrible and emotional thing my wife and I have ever had to do was to tell our children I was dying. To tell them I wouldn't see them all turn into teenagers, wouldn't see them graduate high school, get married- that I wouldn't walk any of my three beautiful daughters down the aisle or get to hold and spoil any of their children, my grandchildren. I had to tell them, simply put, that I wouldn't be growing old as so many people are blessed to do, but that I would be soon dying. We wept. We talked. We wept. And we prepared for my death.
We prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. It was difficult. The kids did presentations in their classrooms. My wife, coincidently a teacher, and I went to the schools to inform them of the difficulties our kids would now be facing. We even went into one of my daughter's classrooms to watch her give a presentation about her Daddy and his cancer diagnosis and ended up sitting in a circle with her 5th grade class answering so many questions. It was quite a touching moment for all of us.
At some point we felt somewhat prepared for what was to be. We then focused on enjoying our family as much as we could. We have always been honest with the kids about my disease and my condition. It's not easy telling them each time the doctor tells me I'm worse off than the last visit but, truth be told, we do consider ourselves blessed- Not many people even survive the full text book 2 year timeline and yet, here I am, writing this 5 years after my diagnosis. It truly is a miracle that I'm still alive. But, in all honesty, the miracle is slowly fading. My body, after so many hospital stays due to major surgeries and complications, is now slowly shutting down. Chemo has only made me ill and bedridden and, sadly, not done much to the tumors recently. My body doesn't absorb nutrient very well since I had the Whipple operation in 2010 and I there isn't much left to the physical me. I take ritalin just to stay awake during the day because the chemo is robbing me of all my strength. It's a true struggle to enjoy the remaining days I have with my family because my body just isnt cooperating much lately and is basically failing me.
I woke to an email in August 2015 from my oncologist that basically said I'm at the end and I should go off chemo to improve my quality of life and do my best to enjoy what I have left of it.
.... in May 2015 I was able to see my oldest daughter and my only son go to their first Prom
... on June 12, 2015 I watched my oldest daughter graduate High School
... on June 24, 2015 I celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary with my wife
... on August 18,2015 I watched my oldest daughter move into her college dorm- I wasn't able to make the trip with them, because I was too weak to withstand the car ride. In fact, the next morning I was admitted to the hospital.
I am blessed to have been with my family for these events, but I will miss these events for my three other children. I wish it wasn't so, but I've accepted it, as hard as it is to do. I pray to make it see my son graduate High School with high honors this coming June, but I'm not sure my body will allow it.
And now for the reason I'm writing this: I worry about their college education funds. I haven't been able to work the last 5 years. I'm on disability. My children are all intelligent and motivated students. My son wants to apply to ivy league schools, but came to me and said he wasn't going to because he doesn't want to burden us with the cost. My heart broke. He is the epitome of an ivy league student. This is where I feel I have failed as a father and provider- my ability to educate my children to the full extent they deserve and are capable of. I am thankful for all that we do have and we are certainly more fortunate and luckier than many other families in a similar situation, but I still dream of helping my children get into great schools and begin amazing careers for themselves.
As I prepare to leave this world, I, most importantly, want to leave my children with good memories of a father who loved them dearly. I also wish for a way to reduce the burden on my wife as she faces a new reality and I hope to be able to let them know they can pursue an education and future without the fear of not having enough money.
I feel guilty to even dare to ask for any help and only my wife knows I'm doing this. I think of others and how they have it much worse than we do and I feel I don't deserve more. Then I think of my children and I have to try for them- this is not for me. There is no other option, no other way. My medical expenses are increasing each day. There are times I just think it would be less of a burden on my wife, my children, on everyone, if I just stopped taking the medicine and allowed myself to die quicker. It certainly would reduce the expenses- but with each milestone I'm granted to be a part of in my children's lives, the greater my will to live grows. It's the moments when I sit thinking of the money and the burden I've become that I contemplate whether death wouldn't be easier on everyone.
So, I humbly ask you, if you can help me help my children to afford an education they are deserving of. I would be forever grateful. My wife would be forever thankful. And I can guarentee that my children would be grateful and would not waste one second of their chance at an education of their favored university. They have high aspirations and I know each of them will succeed. The oldest just started at Penn State and is double majoring in Asian Studies/ Political Science and double minoring in German/French and left the possibility of a third minor in Chinese open. My son wants to study either Marine Biology or Medicine. The third is still deciding exactly what field she would like to study but favors history like me and the youngest wants to study science at Columbia. She sees herself in a lab working to cure diseases and, honestly, I think she will.
I thank you for reading my long-winded story and thank you for any donation. I wish you all health and happiness and many happy moments with your loved ones.
With gratitude,
-Ken, along with my wife, Tammy, and children, Samantha, Dylan, Julia, and Kathryn
“A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special.”
― Nelson Mandela
In 2010 my four children were 13, 11, 9 and 8 years old. They were and are my world. Nothing makes me happier than to see them happy. Anyone who knows me knows this is true. I have always worried about their future. It's just who I am. I have always done everything possible to make sure they have had a happy and secure life. Then, one horrible day in April of 2010 our world shattered. I was told I had Pancreas Cancer. I was told to prepare to die; that I had a maximum of two years of life left. The most horrible and emotional thing my wife and I have ever had to do was to tell our children I was dying. To tell them I wouldn't see them all turn into teenagers, wouldn't see them graduate high school, get married- that I wouldn't walk any of my three beautiful daughters down the aisle or get to hold and spoil any of their children, my grandchildren. I had to tell them, simply put, that I wouldn't be growing old as so many people are blessed to do, but that I would be soon dying. We wept. We talked. We wept. And we prepared for my death.
We prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. It was difficult. The kids did presentations in their classrooms. My wife, coincidently a teacher, and I went to the schools to inform them of the difficulties our kids would now be facing. We even went into one of my daughter's classrooms to watch her give a presentation about her Daddy and his cancer diagnosis and ended up sitting in a circle with her 5th grade class answering so many questions. It was quite a touching moment for all of us.
At some point we felt somewhat prepared for what was to be. We then focused on enjoying our family as much as we could. We have always been honest with the kids about my disease and my condition. It's not easy telling them each time the doctor tells me I'm worse off than the last visit but, truth be told, we do consider ourselves blessed- Not many people even survive the full text book 2 year timeline and yet, here I am, writing this 5 years after my diagnosis. It truly is a miracle that I'm still alive. But, in all honesty, the miracle is slowly fading. My body, after so many hospital stays due to major surgeries and complications, is now slowly shutting down. Chemo has only made me ill and bedridden and, sadly, not done much to the tumors recently. My body doesn't absorb nutrient very well since I had the Whipple operation in 2010 and I there isn't much left to the physical me. I take ritalin just to stay awake during the day because the chemo is robbing me of all my strength. It's a true struggle to enjoy the remaining days I have with my family because my body just isnt cooperating much lately and is basically failing me.
I woke to an email in August 2015 from my oncologist that basically said I'm at the end and I should go off chemo to improve my quality of life and do my best to enjoy what I have left of it.
.... in May 2015 I was able to see my oldest daughter and my only son go to their first Prom
... on June 12, 2015 I watched my oldest daughter graduate High School
... on June 24, 2015 I celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary with my wife
... on August 18,2015 I watched my oldest daughter move into her college dorm- I wasn't able to make the trip with them, because I was too weak to withstand the car ride. In fact, the next morning I was admitted to the hospital.
I am blessed to have been with my family for these events, but I will miss these events for my three other children. I wish it wasn't so, but I've accepted it, as hard as it is to do. I pray to make it see my son graduate High School with high honors this coming June, but I'm not sure my body will allow it.
And now for the reason I'm writing this: I worry about their college education funds. I haven't been able to work the last 5 years. I'm on disability. My children are all intelligent and motivated students. My son wants to apply to ivy league schools, but came to me and said he wasn't going to because he doesn't want to burden us with the cost. My heart broke. He is the epitome of an ivy league student. This is where I feel I have failed as a father and provider- my ability to educate my children to the full extent they deserve and are capable of. I am thankful for all that we do have and we are certainly more fortunate and luckier than many other families in a similar situation, but I still dream of helping my children get into great schools and begin amazing careers for themselves.
As I prepare to leave this world, I, most importantly, want to leave my children with good memories of a father who loved them dearly. I also wish for a way to reduce the burden on my wife as she faces a new reality and I hope to be able to let them know they can pursue an education and future without the fear of not having enough money.
I feel guilty to even dare to ask for any help and only my wife knows I'm doing this. I think of others and how they have it much worse than we do and I feel I don't deserve more. Then I think of my children and I have to try for them- this is not for me. There is no other option, no other way. My medical expenses are increasing each day. There are times I just think it would be less of a burden on my wife, my children, on everyone, if I just stopped taking the medicine and allowed myself to die quicker. It certainly would reduce the expenses- but with each milestone I'm granted to be a part of in my children's lives, the greater my will to live grows. It's the moments when I sit thinking of the money and the burden I've become that I contemplate whether death wouldn't be easier on everyone.
So, I humbly ask you, if you can help me help my children to afford an education they are deserving of. I would be forever grateful. My wife would be forever thankful. And I can guarentee that my children would be grateful and would not waste one second of their chance at an education of their favored university. They have high aspirations and I know each of them will succeed. The oldest just started at Penn State and is double majoring in Asian Studies/ Political Science and double minoring in German/French and left the possibility of a third minor in Chinese open. My son wants to study either Marine Biology or Medicine. The third is still deciding exactly what field she would like to study but favors history like me and the youngest wants to study science at Columbia. She sees herself in a lab working to cure diseases and, honestly, I think she will.
I thank you for reading my long-winded story and thank you for any donation. I wish you all health and happiness and many happy moments with your loved ones.
With gratitude,
-Ken, along with my wife, Tammy, and children, Samantha, Dylan, Julia, and Kathryn
“A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special.”
― Nelson Mandela
Organizer and beneficiary
Tammy Ford McHugh
Organizer
Chester Springs, PA
Tammy McHugh
Beneficiary
