Kamanai Quin's Buddist funeral

You can fit all you need in a suitcase, but a dream can fit inside a tear.

Were are struggling. Just two children without our mother. Living in a house together barely able to pay rent or electricity. We need help to get by.  So please help us AND take some strain away finacially, so we can live on only griefing of our mothers death.

Its with the heaviest of hearts that I let you know my mother Kamanai Quin passed away on the 15th of October
2018.

Kamanai Quin is a loving, caring, thoughtful, single mother of 2.
Kamanai is a peaceful compassionate buddist. Who's wisdom, love and advice is treasured. 
Her dream was to become a buddist monk and serve in a monestry in Dharamkot, Himachal Pradesh, India. 

She even booked a flight for February 2019 to live her dream. 
Kamanai was extremely selfless. Who would give her last cent to the person, that's in more need than her. Donating her time and money to people through giving massages and charities...who needed it the most.

One example of many, was when she was walking down the street of Indonesia. Where a homeless man sat in nothing but cloth. Mum gave the man her own shoes after she brought him food and accommodation for the night. 
Kamanai often donated to a poor Indonesian family this enabled them to buy a refrigerator, so they could store milk for their youngest new born.
She gave to the fundraisers for the earthquakes in Nepal and Indonesia. Which often left her with minimal funds to support herself. 

•Although she was kind and generous, life isnt allways fair and Karma doesnt allways work...

My mum appeared to be in great health.  She loved yoga, Pilates, massage and gardening. Unbeknownst to everyone, she was suffering from an illness.
Mum first fell ill with an infection in her tooth abcess, swelling appeared on the right side of her neck. She thought it was all related.
After many doctor appointments, blood tests and antibiotics. It was clear things were not healing.
She then went to the emergency ward after having symptoms such as feeling nauseous, difficulty swallowing and flu like symptoms.
After countless CT, MRI scans, x-rays and blood tests... she was found to have extensive blood clots in her chest & neck and lungs.

A message from Mum.
"Now they say the want to admit me!!! & have specialists check me out tomorrow...sorry but they WERE letting me go but the doctor rang his boss doctor who said to admit me to a ward..jeez freakout..apparently the 1st high blood pressure ive EVER had AND an concern about heart from echo - cardiogram i ALWAYS had low blood pressure until now !!! Also they concerned for septasemia coz of the golf ball like neck gland so sorry i bothered you to come but they said i could go until now...
Maybe ring me" 

Test after test.
Scan after scan.
Nothing was found to reach a medical conclusion, she got so frustrated and demanded to receive 'Hospital in the home'. So she could at least be in the comfort of her own home, while receiving treatment for an blood infection.
<Unaware of the severity medical status of her own body.
At this point the doctors were unsure of the prognosis.
They wanted to take her to Townsville to perform a biopsy of her lymph nodes in her chest. (A very invasive surgery where they open up the chest to take a tissue sample) 
The night before she was supposed to go to Townsville. She went home with her son, in order to get clothes and things needed for the trip. At this point in time, she could barely walk or breath with out oxygen or a walker.  Little did we know this was the result of heart failure.

That night she stayed home while her son took care of her, by morning an ambulance was called, as she could not breathe. 

♡This was the last time we heard our mothers voice.

The next time we saw her, they had put her into a medically induced coma. 
When we arrived at the Intensive Care Unit, we expected to meet someone who was ill and awaiting transport. 
Instead she lay there, cords coming from every angle of her body.
With a tube pushing her lungs with oxygen to breathe, a tube coming out of the lower left hand side of her lung, draining off the fluids in her lungs and another feeding her, providing her with nutrients. She was on life support.
She was on medications to keep her heartrate stable and to treat the extensive blood clots.
Still we were only just starting to learn what she was going through. Suffering from breathing issues, things got progressively worse. Like a nightmare that had begun to unfold.

We were told to prepare for the worst. 
Told to make a decision if we wanted to resuscitate her.
Two days later we were told she was stabilizing. 
Her heart was getting stronger. Which gave us hope.
Remarkably she got a little bit better. We watched closely for 48 hours.
The liquid in her lungs was tested and results came back that she had cancer. 
To what extent we didn't know. Or even what type. We asked to talk to our mother and the doctor agreed that the best way to do so is to take her out of sedation. To where she could be informed of her own illness, and what was happening to her own body.

When she woke we didn't have much to say but "I love you and you will get better."
While discussing the next stage with everyone in the room, the doctor said to her "Kamanai, I am going to be brutally honest with you, do you want to die?"
To which she replied with a nod of her head as she still could not speak.
The doctor deemed her not to have capacity yet. 
 We were told she had a short two weeks to two months to live. 
We wanted to wait a little longer... 
The new doctor on duty wanted to do assessment of everything.
Mum was once again given an anaesthetic to help her sleep.
The Doctors and nurses assured us of their attention in the event of any issues.
The next day we received the results of the cancer, and it had spread throughout the body.  The nurses and doctors were left feeling helpless.

Soon after Mum was informed of the severity of her cancer and also deemed 'of mental capacity' to make her own decisions.
We asked if she wanted to have the breathing tube out, which was obstructing her throat. She nodded. 
We asked if she knew the consequences of taking the breathing  machine away. That it would possibly be death. 
She nodded. 

While we stood in absolute shock. 
This strong woman, had been told the entirety of her situation, thought it out for hours on end to come to the best conclusion for her children and herself. This was to take the breathing tube out. Basically to be defeated. 
We both respected her wishes.
With haste. We left the room while they took the tube out and we were asked to come back in. 
When we came back in, it was to our surprise... she was breathing on her own but slightly sedated.
Maybe she can do it?
Moments passed.
She layed there...
And then she let go.

I have never asked from help for anything like this before but we have to let our mum go. We have to ask for help with the funeral. If you could have it in your heart to help us bury our mother, please donate. Every donation helps. Because mum has given so much those who have been in need.