PTSD Veteran Helping Veterans
Donation protected
Our goal is to raise funds to help our Nation's heroes and their loved ones who continue to battle the war within after leaving the ranks of active duty. In fact, this war has caused more veteran deaths than the battle on the front lines. The harsh reality is that we are loosing more veterans to their own hands than in combat. This has to end!
I was almost one of those statistics, and now my wife and I are on a mission to help in any way we can! Anything you can give to help will do just that! No donation is too small!
As hard as it is to share our story, we hope it will help show how real this problem is!
We are Rick and Tonya Shaw. We met in September 2006 and married April 25th, 2008. During these last 8 ½ years, our relationship has been put to the test in ways that most would never even consider making through.
I spent 8 ½ years in the Marine Corps, however, I was medically separated in June 2011.
During my time on active duty, I completed 2 combat tours to Iraq. I was a helicopter mechanic, aerial gunner, and instructor. I suffered silently with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for just over 7 years and was just about as close as one could be to ending their life before my amazing wife was somehow able to pull me out of the darkest of places.
After my last deployment in 2006, I started noticing that I was not the same outgoing, anything goes type of guy that I use to be. I met my wife about 3 months after returning from my last deployment, so she had a short glimpse into the “real” me before things gradually began to spiral downwards.
It started out with an onset of high blood pressure, nightmares, night sweats, hypervigilance, insomnia, and panic attacks. After seeking medical attention, I was prescribed anxiety and blood pressure medication. As the insomnia, blood pressure, and panic attacksincreased, I was put through countless tests and given more medicine.
With no improvement from anything except somewhat controlling my blood pressure, I began to start self-medicating with excessive amounts of alcohol, mixed with my prescribed medication. This was done mostly due to the fact that I could drink enough to pass out eventually and get a couple hours of sleep at night. However, even though I was beginning to sleep a little, the onset of sleepwalking and nightmares became a nightly occurrence.
Shortly after, I began to wake up with flashbacks and be completely convinced that our house was under attack. To top things off, I began waking up pacing my bedroom or house with my pistol in my hand and my wife following me around to make sure I did not hurt myself or anyone else. I shut myself off from everyone and wanted to be by myself because nobody understood, and frankly, neither did I.
These events continued for years and started bringing out sides of me that I never imagined possible. My temper, concentration, emotions, memory, and self-control were polar opposites of what they were in years past. I was even forced to take 2 weeks off from work because of my erratic and odd behavior.
During all of this time, my wife would tell me that there was something wrong and I needed to seek professional help and all that did was make me angrier and begin to resent her more and more each day. To make matters worse, the people that I considered my best friends began to turn their back on me because of the stereotype that any kind of emotion or inability to control your actions was a sign of weakness. I would take all of my frustrations out on her verbally and said some of the most hurtful things a person could say to someone that loved them. What made her stick by my side, to this day, I couldn’t tell you, because I couldn’t stand myself.
In fact, my problems impacted us to the point of me leaving because I felt I was too much of a burden for anyone to have to deal with, and coming within a few months of divorce! Even while I was gone, Tonya continually called and came by to check up on me and make sure I was okay.
With all of that said, as a couple that was destined for divorce, I am extremely proud to say that today, we are happier and in a better place than ever. Because of her unconditional love and support, she did what sadly, not enough spouses do and stood behind her vows. She has been there for me to talk to and done nothing but listen. She has shown me it’s okay to open up about things you’re embarrassed or ashamed of and not be judged. She has shown me that it’s okay to have emotions and let them out.
Because of all of this, she has taught me that it truly does take a stronger person to admit they are facing something they can’t handle on their own and that it is okay to ask for help! Since getting back on the road to being “me” again, she has been right by my side in overcoming hurdles I would have never imagined possible.
With her encouragement, I was able to open up publicly about how PTSD has not only affected me, but my wife and everyone around me. Being a veteran, I was asked by my college if I would give a speech on Veteran’s Day 2014. I figured it would be your normal “look at what I have done” type of speech, but I could not bring myself to brag about accomplishments when inside, I felt like a failure for so long.
I wrote speech after speech for weeks and none of them seemed right, so on the day of the event, I threw everything I had away and spoke unscripted from my heart about the struggles PTSD has placed on me and everyone I know. Though I’m not exactly sure what all I said, the feedback and support was incredible! There were several people that approached my wife and me afterwards and poured their hearts out and expressed how personal what we’ve experienced was to them in one form or another.
After that speech, we knew that we had to continue with getting the message and our story out. In January, we created a Facebook page named PTSD & TBI Break the Silence Breaking the Cycle. The response, support, and the number of people reaching out for help has been inexpressible.
To be honest, I assumed I would hear from mostly veterans that were battling silently as well and found a place to talk to someone who understood what very few do. Yes, there are countless counselors, psychiatrists, and psychologists out there, but like I say now, I’ve studied dirt and plants and taken botany classes, but I’m in no way a farmer! However, we have been blown away by the number of friends, family members, spouses, or significant others that have reached out to Tonya to see how she was able to make it through this battle living or dealing with a PTSD sufferer.
The suicide rate for veterans is staggering and almost impossible to fathom. In fact, veterans make up 20% of the suicides in the United States, but only make up 10% of the population. In whole numbers, last year, just under 40,000 people committed suicide in the U.S. Of that, just over 8,000 were veterans.
We have now made it our mission to work as a couple and a team to help anyone suffering any way we can and hope we can begin to connect the dots and educate the public on this overly misunderstood disorder. IT IS REAL!
In closing, I want to say this, if not for my amazing wife, I would have not been here to write this. We know that too many do not have the support they feel comfortable with, and we want to be that support and save their life. They have raised their right hand and vowed to protect us from enemies foreign and domestic. Now it’s our turn to vow to protect them from the enemies they have inside from protecting our freedoms we all too often take for granted.
I am not proud to say that I have PTSD, but I am extremely proud to say that PTSD no longer has me!
I was almost one of those statistics, and now my wife and I are on a mission to help in any way we can! Anything you can give to help will do just that! No donation is too small!
As hard as it is to share our story, we hope it will help show how real this problem is!
We are Rick and Tonya Shaw. We met in September 2006 and married April 25th, 2008. During these last 8 ½ years, our relationship has been put to the test in ways that most would never even consider making through.
I spent 8 ½ years in the Marine Corps, however, I was medically separated in June 2011.
During my time on active duty, I completed 2 combat tours to Iraq. I was a helicopter mechanic, aerial gunner, and instructor. I suffered silently with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for just over 7 years and was just about as close as one could be to ending their life before my amazing wife was somehow able to pull me out of the darkest of places.
After my last deployment in 2006, I started noticing that I was not the same outgoing, anything goes type of guy that I use to be. I met my wife about 3 months after returning from my last deployment, so she had a short glimpse into the “real” me before things gradually began to spiral downwards.
It started out with an onset of high blood pressure, nightmares, night sweats, hypervigilance, insomnia, and panic attacks. After seeking medical attention, I was prescribed anxiety and blood pressure medication. As the insomnia, blood pressure, and panic attacksincreased, I was put through countless tests and given more medicine.
With no improvement from anything except somewhat controlling my blood pressure, I began to start self-medicating with excessive amounts of alcohol, mixed with my prescribed medication. This was done mostly due to the fact that I could drink enough to pass out eventually and get a couple hours of sleep at night. However, even though I was beginning to sleep a little, the onset of sleepwalking and nightmares became a nightly occurrence.
Shortly after, I began to wake up with flashbacks and be completely convinced that our house was under attack. To top things off, I began waking up pacing my bedroom or house with my pistol in my hand and my wife following me around to make sure I did not hurt myself or anyone else. I shut myself off from everyone and wanted to be by myself because nobody understood, and frankly, neither did I.
These events continued for years and started bringing out sides of me that I never imagined possible. My temper, concentration, emotions, memory, and self-control were polar opposites of what they were in years past. I was even forced to take 2 weeks off from work because of my erratic and odd behavior.
During all of this time, my wife would tell me that there was something wrong and I needed to seek professional help and all that did was make me angrier and begin to resent her more and more each day. To make matters worse, the people that I considered my best friends began to turn their back on me because of the stereotype that any kind of emotion or inability to control your actions was a sign of weakness. I would take all of my frustrations out on her verbally and said some of the most hurtful things a person could say to someone that loved them. What made her stick by my side, to this day, I couldn’t tell you, because I couldn’t stand myself.
In fact, my problems impacted us to the point of me leaving because I felt I was too much of a burden for anyone to have to deal with, and coming within a few months of divorce! Even while I was gone, Tonya continually called and came by to check up on me and make sure I was okay.
With all of that said, as a couple that was destined for divorce, I am extremely proud to say that today, we are happier and in a better place than ever. Because of her unconditional love and support, she did what sadly, not enough spouses do and stood behind her vows. She has been there for me to talk to and done nothing but listen. She has shown me it’s okay to open up about things you’re embarrassed or ashamed of and not be judged. She has shown me that it’s okay to have emotions and let them out.
Because of all of this, she has taught me that it truly does take a stronger person to admit they are facing something they can’t handle on their own and that it is okay to ask for help! Since getting back on the road to being “me” again, she has been right by my side in overcoming hurdles I would have never imagined possible.
With her encouragement, I was able to open up publicly about how PTSD has not only affected me, but my wife and everyone around me. Being a veteran, I was asked by my college if I would give a speech on Veteran’s Day 2014. I figured it would be your normal “look at what I have done” type of speech, but I could not bring myself to brag about accomplishments when inside, I felt like a failure for so long.
I wrote speech after speech for weeks and none of them seemed right, so on the day of the event, I threw everything I had away and spoke unscripted from my heart about the struggles PTSD has placed on me and everyone I know. Though I’m not exactly sure what all I said, the feedback and support was incredible! There were several people that approached my wife and me afterwards and poured their hearts out and expressed how personal what we’ve experienced was to them in one form or another.
After that speech, we knew that we had to continue with getting the message and our story out. In January, we created a Facebook page named PTSD & TBI Break the Silence Breaking the Cycle. The response, support, and the number of people reaching out for help has been inexpressible.
To be honest, I assumed I would hear from mostly veterans that were battling silently as well and found a place to talk to someone who understood what very few do. Yes, there are countless counselors, psychiatrists, and psychologists out there, but like I say now, I’ve studied dirt and plants and taken botany classes, but I’m in no way a farmer! However, we have been blown away by the number of friends, family members, spouses, or significant others that have reached out to Tonya to see how she was able to make it through this battle living or dealing with a PTSD sufferer.
The suicide rate for veterans is staggering and almost impossible to fathom. In fact, veterans make up 20% of the suicides in the United States, but only make up 10% of the population. In whole numbers, last year, just under 40,000 people committed suicide in the U.S. Of that, just over 8,000 were veterans.
We have now made it our mission to work as a couple and a team to help anyone suffering any way we can and hope we can begin to connect the dots and educate the public on this overly misunderstood disorder. IT IS REAL!
In closing, I want to say this, if not for my amazing wife, I would have not been here to write this. We know that too many do not have the support they feel comfortable with, and we want to be that support and save their life. They have raised their right hand and vowed to protect us from enemies foreign and domestic. Now it’s our turn to vow to protect them from the enemies they have inside from protecting our freedoms we all too often take for granted.
I am not proud to say that I have PTSD, but I am extremely proud to say that PTSD no longer has me!
Organizer
Rick N Tonya Shaw
Organizer
Clarkton, NC
