THE HOPE, FOR A DAY WITHOUT PAIN

I am Humbly and unequivocally appealing, you for your help.
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I Implore you!  Record a Video, Audio or written, testimonial on my behalf, share with me and the world what affect I've had in your life. My name is Jeffrey Porter and I have a calling, to serve my higher self, in the service of others. I have the capacity and the desire to make a positive impact, an opportunity to make a difference in peoples lives. To help navigate them towards, what instinctively every living creature wants, greater contentment and happiness.

I have a disease of the Trigeminal, and greater occipital nerve, affecting my head and face and, causing increasingly intense unfaltering agony. I have been in constant unyielding pain since December 2014 after I contracted shingles. The virus damaged the nerves, which does not regenerate on its own. I have been fighting for my life, physically, Emotionally and Spiritually, bearing witness to Pains destructive nature. I find myself barely able to manage my day to day life, and robbing me of my calling,

I'm attempting to raise money for Stem Cell treatments which, will help the nerve regenerate. The treatments are extremely expensive and cash based. After attempting everything conventual, as well as holistic, to no e avail, so Stem Cells, appear to be, my last hope of returning to a somewhat normal life.


Thursday, April 5th, 2018,  Three Years.  Four Months, Seventeen days, of tormenting pain.
My Darkest Hour

The crucible has become such, as to sow the seed of discourse. The quandary, which even now takes root, begs, to what extent, do I become too weary to hold the line.
and for what sake.
AY


As I sat in an examination room at Stanford Pain Managment Clinic, despite my every desire to hold my composure, trembling, tears filling my eyes, heart, and stomach wrenching, as the floor seemed to drop out from beneath me. My purpose for being there was none other than to discuss a Radio Frequency Ablation, a procedure I had hoped would if not set me free, at least for a time alleviate the ever-increasing pain in my face.  A very kind companionate Doctor, sat beside me, empathetically explaining to me, why under no circumstance could I undergo, this procedure. He apologetically recognized the extent of my dismay,  explained that the risk of death, deformity, or the possible increase in pain, dramatically outweighed the negligible results given the circumstance of my disability. He further added because of the rarity and severity of my situation, I could only hope to find treatments which could somewhat elevate my pain.  Having practiced yoga since my early 30s, I had for the previous weeks meditating to create a little distance, trying not to anticipate, an outcome. To be honest, upon hearing the news, I felt despair, my hert broke utter disillusionment. 

Eternal Journey

I stand poised on the threshold of an unfamiliar landscape
Gazing back for retrospect,
footprints embedded in soot,
a charred and barren landscape
Victorious nor defeated,
battle neither won nor lost.
The rigor of a journey, why heavy,
strained muscle, sinew, bone
Boots wore thin, leather dry cracking
Tattered rags clinging to a broken frame,
set to flutter, on an unfamiliar breeze
Salty rivers sting bloodshot eyes,
sun-scorched blistering lips
Heart Palpitating,
lungs gasp
Mear notion of perils,
yet unknown
Thus is the journey inward,
the journey home.
AY

"Trigeminal neuralgia (TN), also called tic douloureux, is a chronic pain condition that affects the trigeminal or 5th cranial nerve, one of the most widely distributed nerves in the head. TN is a form of neuropathic pain (pain associated with nerve injury or nerve lesion.) The typical or "classic" form of the disorder (called "Type 1" or TN1) causes extreme, sporadic, sudden burning or shock-like facial pain that lasts anywhere from a few seconds to as long as two minutes per episode.  These attacks can occur in quick succession, in volleys lasting as long as two hours.  The “atypical” form of the disorder (called "Type 2" or TN2), is characterized by constant aching, burning, stabbing pain of somewhat lower intensity than Type 1.  Both forms of pain may occur in the same person, sometimes at the same time. The intensity of pain can be physically and mentally incapacitating. "
I struggle the most atypical variety which is a combination of TN1 and TN2 bilaterally. This is further exacerbated by Chronic Migraine Syndrom which I have had since early adolescence but is compounded by the neuropathy.
In my case, the nerve damage was caused by shingles, having had a total of five attacks three minor and 2 severe wichs included open lesions and which were the most damaging, and happened to be the first and the last, which caused the greatest debilitation.  

It's hard to ask for help, but unfair to deny those who would find joy in doing so.
AY

I have been stripped of my false identity
I have surrendered all of my pride
I no longer want to hide behind the vai of vanity
Collapsing the fortress of cards
I must surrender,  to prostrate myself naked stripped of all pretense
I just spent six months on disability pay of 250 a week and the charity of those who would donate there leave time to supplement my income. 
The first months two months let me break even. I left to embark on a journey to find peace and release from my pain, spending the last of my nest egg and experiencing the tranquility, and desperately needed loving cair. Myhomcoming was all but tranquil, the generosity that I had experienced in the first two months of donations went from a spring to a trickle, and then a barren landscape. 
My pain returned with a vengeance as the stress of financial, strain and bureaucratic ransom kept me insolvent.  
I am engaged in a battle over a job I can no longer perform in my condition and mired in discrimination, dishonesty, and bad faith.
I am seeking to medically retire, and plan on working at ace hardware part-time.
I would be homeless if my parents hadn't insisted I live on the property and provided me space, feed me and looked after me when they are on a very fixed budget 
I'm having to file for chapter 7 bankruptcy 
and my Credit cards are maxed.
 
 

For there is no unity, nature’s enthalpy, in separation.
 

In order to do this, I will need to explore every avenue available and stem cell is one of the last treatments but not the last victuals, regardless I am inspired to change my life, to live in greater harmony, and balance to teach, mentor and inspire. This is where my true calling lies and I shall embark open and unafraid

My last and final refuge lies in the hope of Stem-Cell regeneration,  has shown great results in neuropathy.  So I'm trying everything I can to rais enough capital to receive the necessary treatments.  The minimum treatments start at $3000 a pop and I am looking at least 3 or more advanced treatments, using blood platelets, and inducing intravenously.   

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Where am I
What am I doing
Where did everyone go
What am I supposed to do
What am I supposed to learn
I trying to surrender, to be courageous
Maybe it's because I'm trying, reaching, grasping that it seems so elusive
Perhaps silent contemplation, devotion
But the voice is always screaming in my head
The constant searing pain and mind-numbing medications
The only solace is in my practice, chanting, teaching, asana
Even these are often denied as my body fails me
I know there's a reason
I am grateful for the gifts, self-love, compassion,
No desire to appease, to be gratified
A calling to serve, to be open, vulnerable
I sense a great quest awaits me with an uncertain outcome
Soon I'll be ready to embark,
To relinquished all fear
AY

Thank You For your time and Consideration
Love that is born from humility
Jeff   aka:AY