When I first saw the bruises around my neck, the first time, and the way he said it “I knew you were fine, shut up”
today I made the decision to choose life.
after a 10 year I am choosing residential treatment.
my abuse started at 6months old, that was when I was taken from my mother to never be with her again. moving into early childhood trauma and more sexual and physical abuse until the age of 14.
at 6months old when my mother lost me and her two other children (my half sisters much older) I was given to my father. Aman who loved me so I believed.
we moved year after year and I believed this was due to his honest wanting me to learn and see the country as well as to seemy family on the East and west coast. here’s where the problem comes in..
we never loved anywhere more then a year, I was never able to make friends and my father never really got along that great with his family or my moms family. I as I got older realized how he didn’t want me to learn he wanted me to himself his addiction was codependent and control. Henever had a girlfriend even my mom he only knew for a few months and I was a Vegas baby.
now he took me out of high school. Madea fake certificate for me to start college and then we used all the financial aid money for him and I to live. Did I get. A degree, no. . And I haven’t been able to go back because financially schools tough and myfinancial aid is gone.
i had my first suicidal attempt at 10 and was in children’s hospital for days.
thats when the self harm, negative self talk, body dis morphia, eating disorders, substance use, drinking, hating myself and thinking I didn’t deserve to live started
i met a man at 14 we were together 12 years and he was even the first man I ever kissed at 10 years old. So him leaving me two or three years ago for another women was devestating not because he left mefor her but because I was now left without a safe environment again. I’ve never learned the tools to be me on my own. How to think and trust myself.
my parents took that from me and I don’tknow how to get out. I found facilities with scholarships willing to help, I have found ways with insurance I can privately pay and they will COVCER MOST of the treatment and now I just need help with those pieces.
my church had been the biggest help they can be in helping guide me to the placesbut now I need the help financially which is the lowest feeling you can feel to need to ask others for a helping hand. We all struggle and need help but it’s so hard to ask.
im going to be going to a treatment facility that will have a co/pay of $3000 for the first two months.
My own health insurance I’ll be paying out of pocket to be able to get to this facility is going to cost about $900 a month in order to cover what I need at this treatment facility.
$1 helps LITERALLY.
anonymous or not
i am just unbelievably hurt sad, this is hard to write and ask and I’m incredibly grateful to anyone who is able to help.
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