Faithfully, Humbly And Courageously Rebuilding

July 15, 2019 would be the day that God would once again step in and say “not today”. I painfully watched my hard work, my vaulables, memories and my Faith walk out of the very door that I prayed over for the past 5 years. I was losing the very home I had put my everything into. I was losing my grip on life itself and this eviction was solidifying it. It proved my failures were failures, my losses were losses, and no matter how much right I did, somehow I was wrong. As I sat there with so many questions on repeat, I began taking handfuls of pills. With each gulp, I became angrier with God. And as I was losing consciousness, I begged God to just let me go. But he wouldn’t. June 5, 2016 is the day that my life would began to unravel. Unfortunately it’s one of those dates you don’t want to remember but you do. I begged my husband to fix us, to change, to help and so much more. But he couldn’t. He left. The depression that had been masked for many years was now creeping back in. But I thought I discovered how to fill my void. To work more. For 6 days a week, I would work 18 hour days and 10 hours on the 7th. Conversations and quality time with my children would be via FaceTime, pop ups on my jobs and after midnight for 30 minutes. And this numbed the pain for a while. It worked until June but then martial issues increased. I started showing more unknown symptoms of depression. My job became alarmed and I just wanted peace. But I wasn’t going to get it. By September, I would be burying my oldest daughter, my twin, my confidant, a part of my heart. And there she was. That angry woman that had been suppressed for more than 20 years. Everyone became an enemy or didn’t care or didn’t understand. And as time went on, almost every situation proved itself hindering. I’ve now become totally jobless, bankrupt and divorced. The first suicide attempt would diagnose me as severe depression with recurring psychosis and PTSD with anxiety. I’d fight some days and some days I’d wonder why didn’t my attempt work. I’d try to get healthy mentally but struggled more with each day coming. Before long I would try again. This time differently. However, once again, I’d fail. Now as a homeless mother, I fight to find peace as I put my life back together. In a world where everyone has their own lives, I would fight to save mine. While in the home of friends, I find myself trying to keep my family together. I’ve become an advocate for depression and homelessness as well as safe driving among teens. Despite being hit from every angle in life, I still see a need that I want to help with. But in the meantime I need you. I’m raising the money to own my home. I no longer want to be in a position to lose something so precious. I no longer want to be scared and tired. I no longer want anyone to be able to take something from me. I no longer want my children embarrassed or ashamed of me. I want my children comfortable. Tomia is a senior this year and should be enjoying that as she prepares for her future after high school. Troy will start college on the 12th and should only be worried about that. Not where he’s going to lay his head. As a mother, I want us to be stable so that they may have the best future possible. Your assistance will help us with that and so much more. I’d have some peace as I continue to battle depression. Please see the attachments as I’ve spoken on depression and continue to do so. While I am on a mission to buy a home, it doesn’t stop there. I have to bring awareness to this unwanted condition because many don’t know how to help or understand me. Or many others like me. Educating ourselves helps me, you and them. And it strengthens families and friendships. Many blessings to you and your family as we fight and faith it together. Thank you.