Fight Against Mental Illness
Donation protected
Proud to serve..... that's how I felt when I joined the Royal Air Force (RAF) in 1991, and how I felt when 23 years later I was medically discharged with a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). But this isnt where my battle with mental illness began.
At a very young age I was subjected to repeated sexual abuse which robbed me of the most precious part of a womans life. Throughout my life this has haunted me because mentally I could not settle into a relationship and battled with my sexuality. I still find it hard to open myself completely to a relationship. I was withdrawn, underconfident and trusted noone. This is where my mental health started to deteriorate. I started a self loathing of myself and my body. I started with an eating disorder and believed that noone would want me because I was too fat and not attractive.
However, the nightmare shifted when I decided to confront my abuser at the age of 44. I wanted to see the 'man' who had subjevted me to this abuse and tell him how much he ruined my life. I tracked him down and what I saw was a pathetic, weak old man who no longer had power over me. The police took him in and he admitted everything which gave me some closure.
I then joined the RAF and that was to be the making of me. I went from strength to strength, reaching the rank of Sergeant before commissioning to become an RAF Officer. Every goal I set myself I achieved, pushing myself harder and harder to prove myself. I became a qualified paramedic and commenced operational tours in Afghanistan.
I was proud to be the first female to go on operational tour with the RAF Regiment. Following this I worked as part of a team on the Medical Emergency Response Team (MERT). This is where things started to go wrong mentally for me. Being a paramedic on MERT meant flying to the frontline to pick up wounded personnel. Sadly some of the injuries where futile and we were unable to save them. It wasn't only soldiers we picked up, we also picked up women and children which started to mess with my head. During my last tour the team came under fire often and the pattern of injury changed.
On my return to the UK following my final tour I crashed and burned. I was in tears one minute and angry the net. I wasn't going out and when I did, I had panic attacks. I lost my fiance, my home and a few friends sadly. I was diagnosed with PTSD and eventually had to leave the RAF. My career ended up being the making and the breaking of me. I felt lost and all I knew and worked for had now gone.....
Evently I received the help I needed and will always be thankful for that. I have vowed to use my experiences to help others but also do something completely out of my comfort zone. This is where you guys come in.
I recently joined Purple Warriors (http://purplewarriors.org/) which is a dragon boat club and registered charity. I have the opportunity to compete on a world stage. Purple Warriors have been invited to participate in the 2017 Hong Kong International Dragon Boat Regatta but to attend I need your help. I need to raise a minimum of £500 to be able to attend, and approx £200-300 for a paddle to enable me to train. Any surplus monies will go direct to Purple Warriors to help fund the visit.
For me this would be one of my greatest achievements to date. This challenege will take me from being imprisoned in my house 2 years ago, to representing my country in front of thousands of people. I served for my country in the RAF and would love the opportunity to represent my country here.
I refuse to let my experiences keep me down. I believe I lived through these for a reason and that reason is to be in a position to help so many more people. With your help I can do that. Please support my campaign and help me reach my target. In return for a donation of £50 or more I would be happy to deliver a talk or mental health awareness presentation in a venue of your choosing.
If you want to read more about my experiences please visit my blog: https://michellesandersonptsd.net/
At a very young age I was subjected to repeated sexual abuse which robbed me of the most precious part of a womans life. Throughout my life this has haunted me because mentally I could not settle into a relationship and battled with my sexuality. I still find it hard to open myself completely to a relationship. I was withdrawn, underconfident and trusted noone. This is where my mental health started to deteriorate. I started a self loathing of myself and my body. I started with an eating disorder and believed that noone would want me because I was too fat and not attractive.
However, the nightmare shifted when I decided to confront my abuser at the age of 44. I wanted to see the 'man' who had subjevted me to this abuse and tell him how much he ruined my life. I tracked him down and what I saw was a pathetic, weak old man who no longer had power over me. The police took him in and he admitted everything which gave me some closure.
I then joined the RAF and that was to be the making of me. I went from strength to strength, reaching the rank of Sergeant before commissioning to become an RAF Officer. Every goal I set myself I achieved, pushing myself harder and harder to prove myself. I became a qualified paramedic and commenced operational tours in Afghanistan.
I was proud to be the first female to go on operational tour with the RAF Regiment. Following this I worked as part of a team on the Medical Emergency Response Team (MERT). This is where things started to go wrong mentally for me. Being a paramedic on MERT meant flying to the frontline to pick up wounded personnel. Sadly some of the injuries where futile and we were unable to save them. It wasn't only soldiers we picked up, we also picked up women and children which started to mess with my head. During my last tour the team came under fire often and the pattern of injury changed.
On my return to the UK following my final tour I crashed and burned. I was in tears one minute and angry the net. I wasn't going out and when I did, I had panic attacks. I lost my fiance, my home and a few friends sadly. I was diagnosed with PTSD and eventually had to leave the RAF. My career ended up being the making and the breaking of me. I felt lost and all I knew and worked for had now gone.....
Evently I received the help I needed and will always be thankful for that. I have vowed to use my experiences to help others but also do something completely out of my comfort zone. This is where you guys come in.
I recently joined Purple Warriors (http://purplewarriors.org/) which is a dragon boat club and registered charity. I have the opportunity to compete on a world stage. Purple Warriors have been invited to participate in the 2017 Hong Kong International Dragon Boat Regatta but to attend I need your help. I need to raise a minimum of £500 to be able to attend, and approx £200-300 for a paddle to enable me to train. Any surplus monies will go direct to Purple Warriors to help fund the visit.
For me this would be one of my greatest achievements to date. This challenege will take me from being imprisoned in my house 2 years ago, to representing my country in front of thousands of people. I served for my country in the RAF and would love the opportunity to represent my country here.
I refuse to let my experiences keep me down. I believe I lived through these for a reason and that reason is to be in a position to help so many more people. With your help I can do that. Please support my campaign and help me reach my target. In return for a donation of £50 or more I would be happy to deliver a talk or mental health awareness presentation in a venue of your choosing.
If you want to read more about my experiences please visit my blog: https://michellesandersonptsd.net/
Organizer
Michelle Partington
Organizer
