Here is what Susie posted on Facebook last night:
The light has gone out of my life.
My beloved husband, best friend, and life partner is gone. He has been valiantly fighting fierce inner demons of severe depression and PTSD the entire time I have known him, but the past year has been the worst, darkest, and most desperate of all. Some of you know what he has been facing recently, but he hid the worst from even me. He even seemed to be doing a little better in recent days, but that might have been because he had made the decision and was ready to go.
Still, he diligently sought help from therapists, psychiatrists, and experimental treatments, one after the other, with only a little relief from the constant fear, sadness, and despair. He tried SO hard to stay here with me, Lily, and his family and friends, and he just couldn't do it anymore. Depression is a liar and a thief, and it stole my beautiful Victor away from us sometime between 5 and 8pm on Monday, Feb 10. He was 47 years old. The last message I got from him was "Love you, wish I had you here. ❤️" Oh, how I wish I had been with him!
Lily and I are absolutely devastated. The only peace we have is that he is no longer suffering, and he suffered for years. This was not a temporary problem, or an off day. This was pain beyond our ability to comprehend it, and he was exhausted.
We miss him terribly, and if love could have saved him, he would still be here. I really believe that we did everything we could to support and encourage him. I used to tell him that I wish he could see himself the way that Lily and I do, but he never could. He truly did not comprehend how beloved he was, how talented and smart, how hilariously funny, how kind and thoughtful, and what he meant to everyone in his life, from former high school students to law school classmates to friends and family he didn't see as much as he wanted to see them. He loved all of you so very much, but couldn't feel how much you loved him, and it broke my heart. He was so much more than his symptoms of depression and PTSD, and I know that many of you saw that.
We are going to need a lot of support in the coming months. I am now a widow, and can't imagine how I am going to keep going without my Victor beside me. Despite his struggles, he took care of me flawlessly, always affectionate, ready to listen and hold my feelings whenever possible, advocating for me at the many doctors appointments I've had over the past three years. There is a huge, gaping hole in my world now, and he is never coming back.
Lily and I have to plan a funeral and Irish wake, and hope that many of you will be able to attend. We are still in shock, and spent nearly 7 hours tonight with very kind detectives and police officers in our home as they documented what happened. I apologize to those of you who had to find out via Facebook, but it is the easiest way for us to let folks know without going through the trauma of telling the story over and over. If you have further questions, feel free to PM me, but please be patient because I am pretty overwhelmed.
Funeral arrangements will be posted as soon as we decide what we are doing. Please feel free to spread the word to folks who are not on FB.
Thank you for loving me, Lily, and Victor. Please keep us in your prayers, and hold your loved ones close..
- Sean Riddell
- Phyllis Jeden
- T & E O
- Joe Halloran
Organizer and beneficiary
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