Help Sarah Navigate Life Without Brandon
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Brandon was so loved, and he loved Sarah so well.
He was always taking care of everyone around him, trying to plan for any eventuality.
Now, in his absence, it’s our turn to come around Sarah and take care of what we can.
Sarah has been left to shoulder the financial burden of a life built for two. There will not be life insurance to cover the major expenses and debts that were left behind.
So I am calling on you, Sarah and Brandon’s community, to step into this unexpected void and give what you can. Brandon loved Sarah with every cell in his body, let’s honor that love and take care of his person.
Below is the Obituary Brandon wrote for himself:
Brandon Wayne Hale, of Sheridan, Indiana, succumbed to his long battle with his personality
disorder and completed suicide on July 30, 2024.
Brandon was born on July 26, 1996. He was
28 years old.
Brandon is preceded in death by his:
Paternal grandparents, Majorie
“Ann”
Hale and Richard Hale.
Maternal Grandaparents: Inez and Jay Clark
Brandon is survived by:
His wife and the love of his life, Sarah Feeney
His dog, a very good boy, Nox
His parents, Ronnie and Janet Hale
His Siblings: Ashley (Chad) and Amanda
His nieces and nephews
and many friends and family
Brandon wrote the Following Obituary before his death.
Brandon's family and friends have
decided to include his obituary out of respect for his wishes and to give voice to a
heart-wrenching situation affecting over 700,000 families yearly. Below are Brandon’s last words
to his family and friends.
If you are reading this obituary, then after a lifelong battle with my personality disorder, I have
succumbed to the pain of it and completed suicide.
If you are contemplating suicide, please
contact a mental health professional or call/text the suicide hotline at
“988”
. Please don’t
make your loved ones feel the pain that mine are feeling at this moment.
I apologize to my friends and family for leaving you so tragically. I am sorry for the pain this
causes and the heartache you will feel in the following days, weeks, months, and years. Grief is
long and unique, and you may have different emotions regarding this at different times in your
life. I want you to know that it is okay. That it is okay to be angry with me. It is okay not to
understand. It is okay to grieve, and however your unique grieving happens, it is okay.
The only
thing I want ALL of you to know is that this is no one's fault. It was a decision that I made. No
one would have known; I did not give any indication. Grieve and be okay with grieving hard, but
you don’t need to be burdened with guilt of not knowing, not doing enough, or not picking up on
signs.
I leave behind many amazing people whom I love dearly, but no one has stolen my heart quite
like Sarah. I have tried for a long time to put into words the depth of my love and appreciation
for her. My love for Sarah transcends time and death. When we are so long removed that we
aren’t remembered anymore, my love for her will live on. When the sun has gone out forever,
and in the blackness and coldness of nothingness, my love for her will remain. In the darkness
of death, my love for her lives on. To my friends and family, please support Sarah emotionally.
Spend time with her and let her grieve with you. You don’t have to know what to say, just be with
her. After the first year is the hardest and loneliest for a widow who has lost their partner to
suicide. Please make it your mission to see her throughout the next few years. Honor my
memory by loving Sarah as much as you have loved and cared for me. Whether I knew you 10
years ago and we were close, or you are in my circle now, please love on her. I also have one
more request, which may be awkward, but I ask you all to support Sarah financially if you can.
This is entirely unexpected for her (emotionally and financially). Since I have died by suicide, life
insurance may not be as helpful to Sarah. Support her in every way. Please.
As I mentioned above, I have a personality disorder. My personality disorder is called
‘Borderline Personality Disorder’
. Known as the most difficult personality or mental illness
disorder to live with, Borderline is a complex condition that
“
...makes everything about a person
feel unstable, ranging from moods, thinking, behavior, relationships, and sometimes identity”
(McClean Hospital). If you look up this disorder, you will see horror stories. It is a complex
disorder and can negatively impact the people with it and those around them.
So why did I
choose to share that I have a personality disorder that comes with a lot of stigma and judgment
in my open letter to everyone? Just as I tell my students, the answer is in the questions. I
wanted to share because there is a lot of stigma and judgment. The people who know me know
my heart, compassion, and empathy. I am not unlike many others who have this diagnosis. I
lived my life and tried hard to overcome it despite my struggles. A hard conversation needs to
happen, and damn it, I am dead, so I am having it. 1.7%. That is how many people die by
suicide each year. 10% of people diagnosed with BPD will complete suicide. Almost 80% of
individuals with BPD will attempt suicide. People with BPD have a life expectancy of 20 years
less than the general population. Only 1-2% of the population have BPD, but anywhere from
12-30% of inmates fit the diagnostic criteria for BPD. This is an epidemic of trauma, which BPD
comes out of. It needs to be talked about.
We must have really difficult conversations about how
our country forgets those who need help the most. I was fortunate; I had access to therapy and
medical professionals, and I still couldn’t cope with the pain of this. Imagine someone who
doesn’t have anything.
Even though I struggled throughout my short life, it does not mean I did not have a great life. I
did. I have been surrounded by people who have loved, pushed, challenged, and turned me into
the person I am. I had amazing careers that spanned multiple sectors. I have been able to find
my calling, and that was to love people. It is why I was drawn to my dream career as a special
education teacher. My philosophy around anything I have ever done is
“people first,
”
and I hope
people know and saw that.
One of the most meaningful things I have done is be a teacher. I was proud of being a teacher.
Besides Sarah and Nox, it is the one thing I am most proud of, and I would like to say something
to my students and their families. To my students and families who call me one of my favorite
names,
“Mr. Hale.
”
I am so proud of all of you. I am proud of you for being you and for all the
growth you will have. Do me a favor. Honor my memory by graduating high school. Honor my
memory by pursuing your passions. I am so proud of you, and I love you all so much.
I am more than my mental illness and more than just a teacher. I was a nerd through and
through. I lived and breathed Star Wars. As a kid, I would watch the movies and extras
(remember those on the DVD menu?) for hours. I was also a gamer and played the Mass Effect
Trilogy more times than I can count. Gamer friends, do a run-through for me. I also loved Legos
and reading. I could sit on a beach for hours and just listen to the waves and feel the breeze
and smell of the ocean. I loved live theatre and going to concerts. I also loved to cheer on my
favorite soccer team,
“TBD.
”
Please know how much I love all of you. How much I am and will be cheering all of you on.
Please take care of Sarah. She is and was, and always will be, my soul mate.
Goodbye, for
now. Until then, I leave you with this prayer from Caroline Myss. It was the prayer that I kept in
my heart constantly.
“This day of my life will never come again. I will never see the people I am looking at again. I will
never see this sunrise again and I will never see that sunset. I will never see the person having
breakfast with me again. Just this way. You know, nothing in my life like this will ever come
again. That alone, that choice alone should take out of your heart every bitter taste there is.
That it should shape the life around you with such grace and such beauty. That will make you
only want to see the present with great gratitude.
”
I have always been passionate about social justice, and in lieu of flowers, please consider
donating to one of the organizations below. You can also donate to Sarah to support her.
MSDLT Brook Park Elementary-
my former school
National Education
Alliance for BPD-
This organization is near and dear to my heart. They
support people and their families who live with a BPD diagnosis.
Save the Children-
This organization helps children all over the world. They are currently doing
a lot of work in Gaza. Children should never be bombed. Children deserve a life of joy,
happiness, and safety. All people deserve that.
Planned Parenthood
-
Cue the pearl-clutching, I know. Listen, the fact is that Planned
Parenthood allows people to get comprehensive medical treatment. Even then, I firmly believe it
is a person’s choice of medical treatment they and their doctors deem necessary. Our country is
currently arguing about whether people should get emergency care if they’re pregant. People
are being put on the brink of death before they are given life-saving medical treatment. It is
ridiculous.
ACLU
-
I chose this organization because our civil liberties are at risk. Project 2025 is real, and it
is scary. Look it up. We need organizations that respect the Constitution
Organizer and beneficiary
DeAnna Feeney
Organizer
Whitestown, IN
Sarah Feeney
Beneficiary