Help Me Escape My Abuser for Good
Donation protected
Hello friends and comrades! My name is Queen and I'm a black queer woman living in NYC. Long post ahead, buckle-up.
Unfortunately I'm coming to you guys with the 2 year re-up to this GoFundMe I made when I first went non-contact with my abusive and severely mentally ill narc mother and obviously the result wasnt pretty.
After going NC for 2 years, my mother had expressed to me that she wished to reconcile the relationship after suicidal ideation and godly intervention, and I earnestly didn't want to live in a youth shelter while Covid-19 was brewing overseas considering the ill maintained facilities, but I was very weary of returning to my mother considering I know how she emotionally and mentally volatile she is and just how far and fast her anger pendulum swings, but due to some issues arising internally at my homeless shelter I was strong armed into returning home so they could dictate my case as having been 'resolved.'
I moved back in with my mother in March under the terms that;
I would be able to keep my bedroom door closed when I wanted, She would not try to physically attack, harm or threaten me (A term she vehemently swore she would never do again after learning her lesson and 'becoming a better person' after 18 years of violent physical abuse that would lead me to 2 years of non contact), and that I had no curfew or schedule and that she was here as a parent to help me save and get a better job while having a 'safe' place to live.
Up to this point I have dealt with a series of emotionally and mentally draining, manipulating tactics from my mother since returning, from love bombing, to gaslighting, to isolation tactics....the full series of everything my mother has done in conclusion to the fight that lead up to my current situation will be posted on r/raisedbynarc so I can receive kind words, and strength from a community that definitely understands my mothers narc outlook on the world and be empathetic to how it has honestly and truly crippled me since I was a child, but to summarize here's a few things my mother has done to me pre-fight;
1. Watching me while I sleep; invading my room privacy while I was presumed asleep to such an extent where she has taking weed and cigarettes from my desk to consume for herself without asking, and after being confronted in the act had nothing to say nor did she apologize.
2. Constant show of dissatisfaction towards me staying the weekend with my boyfriend; Constant little remarks regarding my relationship, comments like "I'M YOUR MOTHER, you should be spending time with ME";
any and all comments of that nature I always reminded my mother that she had abused me our entire relationship, and that since going no contact, my boyfriend other I had spent the majority of my time with each other and I have a routine of spending the weekend together, and that won't change for the person who hurt me to such a degree that it was of the safest option for me to not live with her; the 18 years worth of abuse and trauma, as well as the emotional turmoil of having to live in a shelter [despite the fact I made it and I will still make it, but I think that no parent should put their child out on the street, nor force them to make the choice for their own safety] hasn't and sure as hell didn't prove she earned for me to WANT to spend that time with her.
Upon hearing that she would GASLIGHT me about how bad my abuse was, and as I watch her do these same tactics she would to me when I was young, it hurts so bad, because I know it's wrong! But what can I say against a narc, I will not win nothing I say will get to her!
3. Gaslighting and Diminishing of abuse;
So lets recap 2. because as a response to me wanting to spend time with my boyfriend on the weekend because she hasnt earned that I guess Parental Authority for it, would gaslight me about my abuse. Let me tell you some little stories that I wasn't able to talk about in my last GoFundMe;
When I was in Middle School after a family argument between my parents, my mother and I were recapping while watching TV, my mother is fuming about my father and how he's A-Z, this that and a third a bastard...you know what I'm talking about, I agree my father is terrible [As a child I didn't know of my dad also being abused by my mother, but he's still a piece of shit] but I do tell my mom I feel like she overreacted and didn't have to get that angry....and she goes into a rage, 'YOUR JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER etc I wish I never had you,' the whole shebang, she lunges at me and pushes me off the bed, theres punching, and I eventually get trapped and she picks me up and throws me towards the fireplace, I land on the sharp edge of a momento box that sits in front of her fireplace and I break my arm, I immediately lose feeling in my arm and have to drag myself into my room for bed.
My left arm is dead weight, I can not move nor lift it, and I am in such pain that as she looms over me before I go to sleep I beg her to help me, and she tells me to suck it up and go to bed. I remained untreated for a WEEK, she thought it was a muscle issue and was wrapping it with paper bag and vinegar [Caribbean medicinal practice] when it shows no progress of healing we go to the hospital and they confirmed I had a hairline fracture in my left arm, I told my mother that night I broke my arm, I told her something was wrong! And I had to lie to the hospitals and my school that I tripped over my cat down the steps and broke my arm.
She doesn't remember the beatings, she doesn't remember begging for help, but she brags about making me lie to the doctors and my school.
I recount on another occasion while in High School I retained Principals Honor Roll ever year until my Senior year where I got super depressed and was just regular honor roll...But after my Freshman year my beatings got significantly worse as my workload got exponentially vital to my academic career and harder, where it was a frequent nightly act of as I would do homework and fall asleep while working around 2am-3:30 she would stomp into my room slam her fists in my desk and then lift me and closed fit punch me in my face until I was fully conscious and terrified, if I continued to doze off, it would repeat. When my mother recounts those stories even as recent as July 8th, Last Wednesday as I'm writing this (7/14/2020) she'll say it was wrong now, but will state it was her "supporting and nurturing" my academic career, when all it did was make my mental health and my grades suffer.
4. jealousy tinged actions/statements.
My mother grew very jealous of me as I started to hit puberty and come into myself and my style, since I've moved back and have completely transformed my wardrobe and my sense of style, she would either outright say I stole her style,
-- [To some extent obviously since I was raised by her, but she uses my bedroom closet as her own, and most of the clothes in that closet are the pieces I left behind running away 2 years ago, and she transferred the rest of her wardrobe to my bedroom closet in January when I was starting to contemplate returning] -- that my clothes are ugly or wh*re-esque, or the few items that I do have that she likes she'll constantly pry the information about it;
260$ Swear London boots I bought for myself [Which are currently still at her place] she loved so much that she got visibly enraged that I felt hesitant to share the details because I don't feel comfortable with her wearing the same clothes as me, and it'll open a plethora of other conversations down the line akin to her burrowing my shoes/clothes [All the clothing I had before running away, that my mother has frequently worn after me leaving have all been stretched 2 sizes to large for me]
My RGB gaming keyboard and my LED Makeup mirror I bought as a treat to myself while still living in a shelter, were so loved by my mother [multitudes of crying and asking where I got them because she wants them SO BAD even though she has her own USB keyboard, and has no need for a makeup mirror considering I am barred from doing my makeup in the bathroom [due to 'mess'] but she can apply makeup in the bathroom without fuss or worry about cleanliness apparently, these two items in particular she admitted to destroying to get back at me for leaving the house to de-escalate an argument.
We've made it to the center of the fight and what started it;
July 1st 2020
The entire day started out like shit, the before and into the early morning I stayed up playing video games that I was excited to run, I go to bed around 4-5 AM but as I'm asleep still on Facetime with my boyfriend since playing video games, he starts sending little blips to my phone to indicate in our messages how many times mother was in and out my room as I was sleeping. I'm woken up to my mom fishing around my ash tray, and then she comes to my bed and is shifting the blankets around me to test to see if I was awake, which to that point I've given up trying to ignore her and I get up, she tells me that she doesnt have anything she wants me to do today but that she needs XYZ done before the garabge is taken out on saturday, so from there I proceed to go back to sleep where as I'm falling into slumber she starts vacuuming the hallway on our floor and stops after an hour I return to sleep, until im reawoken by the sound of vacuuming in the hallway at 2 pm, let me provide some context regarding the irrationality of these actions and why she does them.
My mother when she wants people to get up, even if youre not doing anything, she'll clean the same areas over and over, everyday, multiple times per day; early on its a obvious indicator to get the hell up, the other times I think she does it to make me nervous because Ive been already trained to associate loud noises + banging as confrontation starters. This specific action is infuriatingly annoying when literally from 11-3 my mother is pretend vaccuming the same small hallway everyday for hours whilist tinkering, sifting, and banging other things in the area, this tactic worked especially well on me as a child because my bedroom doorway is not blocked nor covered by anything so if she's doing that to make me anxious + being an abuser who believed in "NO CLOSED DOORS IN MY HOUSE" the power she got from driving me to be an anxious mess as a child was probably sweet and plentiful. But tactics just make me pissed now because I see through it, but alas I get up, start straightening my room so I can sit at my desk do my work and once it gets dark crawl back into bed without a bother, but my day did not end like that.
As I'm working on my computer after organzing my room to her standards , she starts complaining about how hot it is in the house and how I keep turning the AC on and off, at this point I'm already tired and exhausted with her sh*t;
Two weeks before my mother complained about how hot it had been in the rest of the house aside from our air coniditioned rooms, and that because my AC was stronger than hers to keep my room door open all day to let the air circulate [Direct infringement on our first agreement term for me to come home though she was already trying to infringe on it with saying the upstairs gets 'no natural light' with my window closed] I oblige during the day keeping my room door open enough but closed to where she can't see me at my desk to spy on me through the crack, and during the night I close it 60% of the way and blast my AC on cold to the point where I was sleeping under my comforter and a weighted sherpa blanket, to 'circulate the ac through the entire house.' Low and behold her plan was a bust and the lower level didnt cool off at all because I'm awake the majority of the night going downstairs for water etc and throughout the two week period of obliging to her whim nothing changed or got any cooler, so that day I refused to let her bully me into having my door wide open for the AC.
Back to July 1st, as shes comlpaining about the heat and starts to chide me for 'Turning my AC off and on' and 'how I need to keep my room door open to keep the ENTIRE house cool since she pays electricity' I tell her frankly that my AC was not circulating from my room at all, and if anything reached as far as the bathroom door, which is right beside my bedroom, she proceeds call me selfish and demanding and stomp her way downstairs. As shes downstairs I hear her banging the kitchen cabinents and slamming things onto the countertop, another sign shes going to start a confrontation, I finish making up my bed because I left half made in hopes to get back in it, but as I'm doing that I close my door so my mother can't see my making up my bed and I flash her since I wasn't fully dressed from sleeping. She eventually makes it back upstairs and she doesnt even wait before she starts to berate me, she hits my door open, I watch her leave and close it again which now makes her vocally upset, shes cursing me, cursing my boyfriend because we're still on facetime together, how I spend all my time with some lowlife instead of with her, and other insulting demeaning things in her room, at a point I do start yelling back mainly for her to say those things infront of me instead of mumbling them in her room like a freak. She returns to confront me and its escalating to a point where shes getting in my face like she wants to physically attack me, so I tell my boyfriend keep the Uber app up, I get dressed and I start packing a bag for the WEEK into the WEEKEND, and as I'm doing this and shes back and forth between upstairs and downstairs saying her shit watching me get dressed and pack a bag. I had a feeling my mother was going to try to or atleast damage something in my room and I take photos of how I left my room that day [will be added in a link down below], put my shoes on and I leave out the front door without another word to my mom.
When I left my plan was to stay Wednesday to Wednesday until on Tuesday she reached out to me through text and when I didnt reply she called me from an Unknown number which I had been anticipating for as a job interview, but when I realize its her I hang up without saying anything on the phone, she texts me again about how my laptop is broken [It is cause I got a new one but not to the point it can't be used] and that she had gone through and opened my two of my mail [Federal offence] and had told me she changed the locks probably to trigger anxiety over my things, from there in texts she starts blabbering about how I got what was coming to me and that she threw my stuff away all because I left her house with her keys, threatens to have me arrested, and called me a child even though she admitted to destroying property, tampering with my mail, and essentially illegally evicting me. I go that night to resolve things with my boyfriend as a mediator, shes gaslighting him infront of me but at that time it had seemed that maybe some progress was made, she admitted that night that all she did was put some of my stuff in garbage bags, and that she broke only my keyboard and my makeup LED mirror, when I entered that house tor retireve my packages and some more clothes for the last couple of days I was going to spend with my boyfriend, I see that she literally threw out everything from my room to my sheets and blankets, to all my stuffed animals, books, momentos, hair and makeup products, my wigs, my desktop speakers, and a handful of my clothes leaving my room absoluetly bare [Pic will be down below] but I was optimistic that even if my mother threw them in garbage bags that maybe she was careful and that things werent broken or were stained and dirty from being mixed with other garbage [I was wrong]
My mother and I text here and there with each other until Friday where I comeback, and she's on a zoom wine call with her coworkers, and as I'm seeing the extent of the damage she wrecked onto all the things I've cherished and gifted myself, bought and were gifted to my by people I love and cherish since leaving my mom in garbages bags with food waste and her weed ash, and broken beyond belief. As I keep uncovering more of my things broken in garbage bags and I'm going to her and showing her the things she broke all she can reply is "And I'll give you the money back" and "Youre going to make me look bad infront of my coworkers I dont want to see that shit.' Books that my boyfriend lent me maybe 16 in total covered in ash in a trash bag, my external desktop harddrive that had photos, videos, and document evidence that SHE needs for her own legal case against a tenant that physically attacked me while I was protecting her, not to mention shit tons of photos and videos that are precious to ME, and when I show her my broken harddrive she can't be moved to give a shit even after I explain to her that she needs that harddrive to be okay, replaced and operatable if she wants to be able to go to court. Now im getting visibly upset and I tell my boyfriend about the extent of the damage done to my things, and I ask him to uber here in case an altercation breaks out because when I seen my harddrive broken, and that I lost the partition that had all my photos and videos and game data I knew I was going to confront her when she ended her zoom call. She does and shes chiding me about how she'll just give me the money and how I should be happy to be in the house, but when I ask for the money now she gets angry.
We progress back into the kitchen and shes standing in the doorway keeping me trapped in as I sort through my stuff in the garbage and take videos, I'm verbally chastising and shaming her actions because I know narcs hate being condemned and shamed for what they do, then she starts verbally egging me on about how she "knows [I] want to kill her" and "If [my] abuse was so bad I'd be beating her up" at this point I want to get my boyfriend involved but hes outside and that involves me getting based her as a physical blockade and unlocking a gate and three doors, and as I approach her shes puffing and pushing her chest out to intimidate me, I respong by calling her pussy cause she was doing all of that and just standing there, and after moments of push and pull shes bumps my chest and lunges at me in an attempt to choke me I hit into the corner of the fridge and break my phone, I push her off, then as I hold onto one of her shirt straps to keep myself balanced and defended against her she starts throwing punches at my body, I give her two hard slaps, let her go and leave to go get my boyfriend. Shes getting choked up that I'm calling the cops and proceeds to do the same as I'm getting my keys to let my boyfriend into the house, from there she locks one of the house doors from the inside leaving me outside with literally just the clothes I came back with, and didnt return the my bags of things until two hours into the cops arriving, and tried to manipulate one of the officers into believing my new Macbook is her own, despite the fact that I showed the other officers my order and the payment being removed from my own bank account.
As of right now my mother still has items, but I've already ventured to Ikea to get the storage items to pack all of my remaining items from out the house, but my mother seems to be giving some resistance and disdain towards letting my boyfriend and his friend come to the house to retrieve my things since I'm not allowed on the property.
The thing that hurts the most is that I invested so much in returning home because I thought this would be end game and that I would go home and fix my mother and I's relationship so I can be there for her towards the end of her life, but she doesn't have that same consideration towards me nor the things I cherish it seems.
I'm so sorry this is so long but GoFundMe said to explain who you are and why youre fundraising, and this is my story. I did and I have greatly appreciated all the support you all gave me when I made that fundraiser 2 years ago when I first left, I just need to extra support so I can make sure I find myself a secured and safe place for myself so I can give back to my communities tenfold, and fighting for my black queer comrades and the working class communities in NYC against discrimination, racism, injustice, and oppression; but I need you guys to help me get to somewhere I can be and live peacefully.
Images [More photos and videos will be added later in an update after being uploaded to Media Fire]
My Stuff In Bags: 1
My Room Before Everything got dumped: 1
Broken Things: 1 / 2
Thank you again,
Queen
Unfortunately I'm coming to you guys with the 2 year re-up to this GoFundMe I made when I first went non-contact with my abusive and severely mentally ill narc mother and obviously the result wasnt pretty.
After going NC for 2 years, my mother had expressed to me that she wished to reconcile the relationship after suicidal ideation and godly intervention, and I earnestly didn't want to live in a youth shelter while Covid-19 was brewing overseas considering the ill maintained facilities, but I was very weary of returning to my mother considering I know how she emotionally and mentally volatile she is and just how far and fast her anger pendulum swings, but due to some issues arising internally at my homeless shelter I was strong armed into returning home so they could dictate my case as having been 'resolved.'
I moved back in with my mother in March under the terms that;
I would be able to keep my bedroom door closed when I wanted, She would not try to physically attack, harm or threaten me (A term she vehemently swore she would never do again after learning her lesson and 'becoming a better person' after 18 years of violent physical abuse that would lead me to 2 years of non contact), and that I had no curfew or schedule and that she was here as a parent to help me save and get a better job while having a 'safe' place to live.
Up to this point I have dealt with a series of emotionally and mentally draining, manipulating tactics from my mother since returning, from love bombing, to gaslighting, to isolation tactics....the full series of everything my mother has done in conclusion to the fight that lead up to my current situation will be posted on r/raisedbynarc so I can receive kind words, and strength from a community that definitely understands my mothers narc outlook on the world and be empathetic to how it has honestly and truly crippled me since I was a child, but to summarize here's a few things my mother has done to me pre-fight;
1. Watching me while I sleep; invading my room privacy while I was presumed asleep to such an extent where she has taking weed and cigarettes from my desk to consume for herself without asking, and after being confronted in the act had nothing to say nor did she apologize.
2. Constant show of dissatisfaction towards me staying the weekend with my boyfriend; Constant little remarks regarding my relationship, comments like "I'M YOUR MOTHER, you should be spending time with ME";
any and all comments of that nature I always reminded my mother that she had abused me our entire relationship, and that since going no contact, my boyfriend other I had spent the majority of my time with each other and I have a routine of spending the weekend together, and that won't change for the person who hurt me to such a degree that it was of the safest option for me to not live with her; the 18 years worth of abuse and trauma, as well as the emotional turmoil of having to live in a shelter [despite the fact I made it and I will still make it, but I think that no parent should put their child out on the street, nor force them to make the choice for their own safety] hasn't and sure as hell didn't prove she earned for me to WANT to spend that time with her.
Upon hearing that she would GASLIGHT me about how bad my abuse was, and as I watch her do these same tactics she would to me when I was young, it hurts so bad, because I know it's wrong! But what can I say against a narc, I will not win nothing I say will get to her!
3. Gaslighting and Diminishing of abuse;
So lets recap 2. because as a response to me wanting to spend time with my boyfriend on the weekend because she hasnt earned that I guess Parental Authority for it, would gaslight me about my abuse. Let me tell you some little stories that I wasn't able to talk about in my last GoFundMe;
When I was in Middle School after a family argument between my parents, my mother and I were recapping while watching TV, my mother is fuming about my father and how he's A-Z, this that and a third a bastard...you know what I'm talking about, I agree my father is terrible [As a child I didn't know of my dad also being abused by my mother, but he's still a piece of shit] but I do tell my mom I feel like she overreacted and didn't have to get that angry....and she goes into a rage, 'YOUR JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER etc I wish I never had you,' the whole shebang, she lunges at me and pushes me off the bed, theres punching, and I eventually get trapped and she picks me up and throws me towards the fireplace, I land on the sharp edge of a momento box that sits in front of her fireplace and I break my arm, I immediately lose feeling in my arm and have to drag myself into my room for bed.
My left arm is dead weight, I can not move nor lift it, and I am in such pain that as she looms over me before I go to sleep I beg her to help me, and she tells me to suck it up and go to bed. I remained untreated for a WEEK, she thought it was a muscle issue and was wrapping it with paper bag and vinegar [Caribbean medicinal practice] when it shows no progress of healing we go to the hospital and they confirmed I had a hairline fracture in my left arm, I told my mother that night I broke my arm, I told her something was wrong! And I had to lie to the hospitals and my school that I tripped over my cat down the steps and broke my arm.
She doesn't remember the beatings, she doesn't remember begging for help, but she brags about making me lie to the doctors and my school.
I recount on another occasion while in High School I retained Principals Honor Roll ever year until my Senior year where I got super depressed and was just regular honor roll...But after my Freshman year my beatings got significantly worse as my workload got exponentially vital to my academic career and harder, where it was a frequent nightly act of as I would do homework and fall asleep while working around 2am-3:30 she would stomp into my room slam her fists in my desk and then lift me and closed fit punch me in my face until I was fully conscious and terrified, if I continued to doze off, it would repeat. When my mother recounts those stories even as recent as July 8th, Last Wednesday as I'm writing this (7/14/2020) she'll say it was wrong now, but will state it was her "supporting and nurturing" my academic career, when all it did was make my mental health and my grades suffer.
4. jealousy tinged actions/statements.
My mother grew very jealous of me as I started to hit puberty and come into myself and my style, since I've moved back and have completely transformed my wardrobe and my sense of style, she would either outright say I stole her style,
-- [To some extent obviously since I was raised by her, but she uses my bedroom closet as her own, and most of the clothes in that closet are the pieces I left behind running away 2 years ago, and she transferred the rest of her wardrobe to my bedroom closet in January when I was starting to contemplate returning] -- that my clothes are ugly or wh*re-esque, or the few items that I do have that she likes she'll constantly pry the information about it;
260$ Swear London boots I bought for myself [Which are currently still at her place] she loved so much that she got visibly enraged that I felt hesitant to share the details because I don't feel comfortable with her wearing the same clothes as me, and it'll open a plethora of other conversations down the line akin to her burrowing my shoes/clothes [All the clothing I had before running away, that my mother has frequently worn after me leaving have all been stretched 2 sizes to large for me]
My RGB gaming keyboard and my LED Makeup mirror I bought as a treat to myself while still living in a shelter, were so loved by my mother [multitudes of crying and asking where I got them because she wants them SO BAD even though she has her own USB keyboard, and has no need for a makeup mirror considering I am barred from doing my makeup in the bathroom [due to 'mess'] but she can apply makeup in the bathroom without fuss or worry about cleanliness apparently, these two items in particular she admitted to destroying to get back at me for leaving the house to de-escalate an argument.
We've made it to the center of the fight and what started it;
July 1st 2020
The entire day started out like shit, the before and into the early morning I stayed up playing video games that I was excited to run, I go to bed around 4-5 AM but as I'm asleep still on Facetime with my boyfriend since playing video games, he starts sending little blips to my phone to indicate in our messages how many times mother was in and out my room as I was sleeping. I'm woken up to my mom fishing around my ash tray, and then she comes to my bed and is shifting the blankets around me to test to see if I was awake, which to that point I've given up trying to ignore her and I get up, she tells me that she doesnt have anything she wants me to do today but that she needs XYZ done before the garabge is taken out on saturday, so from there I proceed to go back to sleep where as I'm falling into slumber she starts vacuuming the hallway on our floor and stops after an hour I return to sleep, until im reawoken by the sound of vacuuming in the hallway at 2 pm, let me provide some context regarding the irrationality of these actions and why she does them.
My mother when she wants people to get up, even if youre not doing anything, she'll clean the same areas over and over, everyday, multiple times per day; early on its a obvious indicator to get the hell up, the other times I think she does it to make me nervous because Ive been already trained to associate loud noises + banging as confrontation starters. This specific action is infuriatingly annoying when literally from 11-3 my mother is pretend vaccuming the same small hallway everyday for hours whilist tinkering, sifting, and banging other things in the area, this tactic worked especially well on me as a child because my bedroom doorway is not blocked nor covered by anything so if she's doing that to make me anxious + being an abuser who believed in "NO CLOSED DOORS IN MY HOUSE" the power she got from driving me to be an anxious mess as a child was probably sweet and plentiful. But tactics just make me pissed now because I see through it, but alas I get up, start straightening my room so I can sit at my desk do my work and once it gets dark crawl back into bed without a bother, but my day did not end like that.
As I'm working on my computer after organzing my room to her standards , she starts complaining about how hot it is in the house and how I keep turning the AC on and off, at this point I'm already tired and exhausted with her sh*t;
Two weeks before my mother complained about how hot it had been in the rest of the house aside from our air coniditioned rooms, and that because my AC was stronger than hers to keep my room door open all day to let the air circulate [Direct infringement on our first agreement term for me to come home though she was already trying to infringe on it with saying the upstairs gets 'no natural light' with my window closed] I oblige during the day keeping my room door open enough but closed to where she can't see me at my desk to spy on me through the crack, and during the night I close it 60% of the way and blast my AC on cold to the point where I was sleeping under my comforter and a weighted sherpa blanket, to 'circulate the ac through the entire house.' Low and behold her plan was a bust and the lower level didnt cool off at all because I'm awake the majority of the night going downstairs for water etc and throughout the two week period of obliging to her whim nothing changed or got any cooler, so that day I refused to let her bully me into having my door wide open for the AC.
Back to July 1st, as shes comlpaining about the heat and starts to chide me for 'Turning my AC off and on' and 'how I need to keep my room door open to keep the ENTIRE house cool since she pays electricity' I tell her frankly that my AC was not circulating from my room at all, and if anything reached as far as the bathroom door, which is right beside my bedroom, she proceeds call me selfish and demanding and stomp her way downstairs. As shes downstairs I hear her banging the kitchen cabinents and slamming things onto the countertop, another sign shes going to start a confrontation, I finish making up my bed because I left half made in hopes to get back in it, but as I'm doing that I close my door so my mother can't see my making up my bed and I flash her since I wasn't fully dressed from sleeping. She eventually makes it back upstairs and she doesnt even wait before she starts to berate me, she hits my door open, I watch her leave and close it again which now makes her vocally upset, shes cursing me, cursing my boyfriend because we're still on facetime together, how I spend all my time with some lowlife instead of with her, and other insulting demeaning things in her room, at a point I do start yelling back mainly for her to say those things infront of me instead of mumbling them in her room like a freak. She returns to confront me and its escalating to a point where shes getting in my face like she wants to physically attack me, so I tell my boyfriend keep the Uber app up, I get dressed and I start packing a bag for the WEEK into the WEEKEND, and as I'm doing this and shes back and forth between upstairs and downstairs saying her shit watching me get dressed and pack a bag. I had a feeling my mother was going to try to or atleast damage something in my room and I take photos of how I left my room that day [will be added in a link down below], put my shoes on and I leave out the front door without another word to my mom.
When I left my plan was to stay Wednesday to Wednesday until on Tuesday she reached out to me through text and when I didnt reply she called me from an Unknown number which I had been anticipating for as a job interview, but when I realize its her I hang up without saying anything on the phone, she texts me again about how my laptop is broken [It is cause I got a new one but not to the point it can't be used] and that she had gone through and opened my two of my mail [Federal offence] and had told me she changed the locks probably to trigger anxiety over my things, from there in texts she starts blabbering about how I got what was coming to me and that she threw my stuff away all because I left her house with her keys, threatens to have me arrested, and called me a child even though she admitted to destroying property, tampering with my mail, and essentially illegally evicting me. I go that night to resolve things with my boyfriend as a mediator, shes gaslighting him infront of me but at that time it had seemed that maybe some progress was made, she admitted that night that all she did was put some of my stuff in garbage bags, and that she broke only my keyboard and my makeup LED mirror, when I entered that house tor retireve my packages and some more clothes for the last couple of days I was going to spend with my boyfriend, I see that she literally threw out everything from my room to my sheets and blankets, to all my stuffed animals, books, momentos, hair and makeup products, my wigs, my desktop speakers, and a handful of my clothes leaving my room absoluetly bare [Pic will be down below] but I was optimistic that even if my mother threw them in garbage bags that maybe she was careful and that things werent broken or were stained and dirty from being mixed with other garbage [I was wrong]
My mother and I text here and there with each other until Friday where I comeback, and she's on a zoom wine call with her coworkers, and as I'm seeing the extent of the damage she wrecked onto all the things I've cherished and gifted myself, bought and were gifted to my by people I love and cherish since leaving my mom in garbages bags with food waste and her weed ash, and broken beyond belief. As I keep uncovering more of my things broken in garbage bags and I'm going to her and showing her the things she broke all she can reply is "And I'll give you the money back" and "Youre going to make me look bad infront of my coworkers I dont want to see that shit.' Books that my boyfriend lent me maybe 16 in total covered in ash in a trash bag, my external desktop harddrive that had photos, videos, and document evidence that SHE needs for her own legal case against a tenant that physically attacked me while I was protecting her, not to mention shit tons of photos and videos that are precious to ME, and when I show her my broken harddrive she can't be moved to give a shit even after I explain to her that she needs that harddrive to be okay, replaced and operatable if she wants to be able to go to court. Now im getting visibly upset and I tell my boyfriend about the extent of the damage done to my things, and I ask him to uber here in case an altercation breaks out because when I seen my harddrive broken, and that I lost the partition that had all my photos and videos and game data I knew I was going to confront her when she ended her zoom call. She does and shes chiding me about how she'll just give me the money and how I should be happy to be in the house, but when I ask for the money now she gets angry.
We progress back into the kitchen and shes standing in the doorway keeping me trapped in as I sort through my stuff in the garbage and take videos, I'm verbally chastising and shaming her actions because I know narcs hate being condemned and shamed for what they do, then she starts verbally egging me on about how she "knows [I] want to kill her" and "If [my] abuse was so bad I'd be beating her up" at this point I want to get my boyfriend involved but hes outside and that involves me getting based her as a physical blockade and unlocking a gate and three doors, and as I approach her shes puffing and pushing her chest out to intimidate me, I respong by calling her pussy cause she was doing all of that and just standing there, and after moments of push and pull shes bumps my chest and lunges at me in an attempt to choke me I hit into the corner of the fridge and break my phone, I push her off, then as I hold onto one of her shirt straps to keep myself balanced and defended against her she starts throwing punches at my body, I give her two hard slaps, let her go and leave to go get my boyfriend. Shes getting choked up that I'm calling the cops and proceeds to do the same as I'm getting my keys to let my boyfriend into the house, from there she locks one of the house doors from the inside leaving me outside with literally just the clothes I came back with, and didnt return the my bags of things until two hours into the cops arriving, and tried to manipulate one of the officers into believing my new Macbook is her own, despite the fact that I showed the other officers my order and the payment being removed from my own bank account.
As of right now my mother still has items, but I've already ventured to Ikea to get the storage items to pack all of my remaining items from out the house, but my mother seems to be giving some resistance and disdain towards letting my boyfriend and his friend come to the house to retrieve my things since I'm not allowed on the property.
The thing that hurts the most is that I invested so much in returning home because I thought this would be end game and that I would go home and fix my mother and I's relationship so I can be there for her towards the end of her life, but she doesn't have that same consideration towards me nor the things I cherish it seems.
I'm so sorry this is so long but GoFundMe said to explain who you are and why youre fundraising, and this is my story. I did and I have greatly appreciated all the support you all gave me when I made that fundraiser 2 years ago when I first left, I just need to extra support so I can make sure I find myself a secured and safe place for myself so I can give back to my communities tenfold, and fighting for my black queer comrades and the working class communities in NYC against discrimination, racism, injustice, and oppression; but I need you guys to help me get to somewhere I can be and live peacefully.
Images [More photos and videos will be added later in an update after being uploaded to Media Fire]
My Stuff In Bags: 1
My Room Before Everything got dumped: 1
Broken Things: 1 / 2
Thank you again,
Queen
Organiser
Emalyne Q. Prescott
Organiser
Brooklyn, NY
