help Moog Graham after the loss of their family

Hi. My name is Moog, aka Meg (my initials). I am a queer transmasc artist person from Ontario, Canada.

I am 37 and just lost my last remaining family member due to covid.

My older brother John, who was 20 years my senior, contracted two strains of covid-19 as well as bacterial pneumonia and was in a dangerous state. He seemed to be doing better--- not great, but not dire anymore after a month since his positive tests and subsequent ER visit. However, yesterday (October 26th), I found him unresponsive in his room and it was too late. There was nothing paramedics could do.

I have always been the youngest in my family by a very large margin, and I knew I would inevitably outlive them (statistically speaking)... I just never imagined it'd happen in my 30s.

My parents both contracted lung cancer, years apart. My father was diagnosed with agressive small cell lung carcinoma in 2007. He was dead 6 weeks later in December. My mom contracted non-small cell lung cancer in 2016, had to have a third of one of her lungs removed to cut the cancer out because she was too frail for radiation and chemotherapy... but she was also struggling with congestive heart failure. All of it became too much and she passed away in February of 2019. John and I struggled through it together, scraping by by the skin of our teeth and with the help of my incredibly gracious friends.

March of this year, I experienced a massive mental health breakdown. I have been mentally ill my whole life, but all the constant pressure I was under from repressed trauma, a stressful job, and the state of the world and covid in general broke me and I had to go on disability from work because I was completely unable to function. I've spent from April until the present undergoing rigorous mental health counseling, treatment, and care from a team of incredible doctors. But being on disability means reduced pay, so my brother and I were again scraping by.

When he contracted covid, I was his caretaker. I had to cook him meals, walk him through the house, tend to his needs; all of which I also had to do for my parents when they were severely ill. He was completely helpless for weeks. I am amazed I did not catch the virus myself; I was supremely lucky that I didn't, as I also have chronic lung problems and covid could also be catastrophic for me. I took all the precautions I could; sanitizing, masking, distancing in the rare instances that I could. He started to get better, then... bam. Gone. And just like that, I have no family. He was 57 years old.

I should also mention that the day he died was also my deceased mother's birthday. When it rains, it pours.

So. I am asking for help. This is too much for me. I am having to pay for housing I normally split 50/50 with John, legal stuff pertaining to being next of kin (he did not have a will), cremation, bills, debt, medication, transition, therapy, future surgery I am waitlisted for to alleviate a horrendously painful medical condition, and the ability to live and eat and take care of my aging cats. I am alone in the house I grew up in, in which both my parents and my older brother have died.

I am desperate.

I understand this is a novel. I understand that maybe you don't know me. But if you can spare anything just to allow me to survive this without losing what little I have left of me, I would be grateful. Whether it's donating, or sharing, or checking out my etsy shop to buy some dumb t-shirts I designed (my etsy shop can be found at megomobile.etsy.com). I have been a caretaker of my infirm family since 2007, when I was 22. And now I have no family to take care of -me-, when I am for the first time in my adult life not able to push through and work.

I have wonderful friends and a beautiful, amazing partner I love with all my heart. But while their kindness and empathy is endless, in this rough, expensive world we live in, their wallets are not. They have to live too, and most are not much better off than I am.

So please, if you can help in any way, great or small, it would mean so much.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Be safe, wear your masks, and get vaccinated.

-Moog

PS: John hated having his picture taken, so I don't have many of him. But the header picture was taken on his 20th birthday, when I was only a few months old. That 1980s metalhead realness.