I am asking for help as I work to leave a marriage that has become emotionally exhausting, unstable, and increasingly difficult to remain in.

For years, I tried to hold together a relationship that looked far more functional from the outside than it felt behind closed doors.

My husband was often physically present, but emotionally detached, withdrawn, and difficult to trust. He also came to deeply resent the role he had taken on in our marriage, and that resentment shaped the emotional climate of our home. It created an environment marked by chronic tension, inconsistency, and distrust, where both I and my son were increasingly made to feel like a burden.

Over the course of our marriage, I experienced significant life disruptions that affected my ability to work and rebuild independently, including the loss of my mother, the collapse of our attempts to build a family after I had already undergone invasive medical procedures, and, more recently, multiple surgeries in the last two years. I was also navigating health challenges and chronic pain that made career stability more difficult. Rather than those realities being met with understanding or partnership, they were often met with distance, resentment, or treated as personal shortcomings.

At one point during the marriage, he told me that he had never truly wanted to be a husband and had only wanted to become a father, describing me as “a means to an end.” Hearing that after years of marriage, medical procedures, and attempts to build a family together was deeply painful and permanently changed the way I understood the relationship.

As the marriage continued, the pattern became harder to ignore. At times, he acknowledged his behavior and expressed regret for failing to provide a safe and supportive environment. Yet shortly after those conversations, his behavior would shift again, becoming more punitive, dismissive, and retaliatory, repeating the same cycle despite promises to change.

There were also periods where alcohol and substance use intensified his behavior and made the environment in our home increasingly unpredictable. Eventually, I no longer felt consistently secure, supported, or emotionally safe within the relationship.

This emotional instability and repeated cycle of apology, escalation, and unpredictability became impossible to continue living within and ultimately led us to agree that the marriage should end. We then began the mediation process in an attempt to move forward cooperatively. However, after he stalled mediation for months and repeatedly delayed the process, I formally moved forward with filing for divorce through the court system.

Since then, the situation has become more difficult to navigate. As this process escalated, his behavior became more punitive. He removed my access to shared funds and accounts I relied on for basic living expenses, increasing my financial strain while also increasing the cost of leaving.

While he has the financial ability to maintain legal representation and absorb prolonged legal costs, I do not. Rather than working cooperatively to move this process toward resolution and minimize unnecessary expense, the legal process has become increasingly adversarial and financially draining.

I have already provided extensive financial documentation, including pay stubs, bank statements, and other records, yet additional requests continue to be made for more and more documentation, creating additional legal fees and pressure for me to keep responding. Actions have also been taken, including contacting my workplace for information I had already provided directly, creating additional stress, potential professional consequences, and further legal expense.

Through this process, I have also become aware that our financial situation was not as limited as I had been led to believe during the marriage. While I was repeatedly told there were no available resources, he had additional assets and accounts that were not fully transparent to me.

At times, it has felt as though the process is being prolonged in a way that increases financial pressure on me specifically, creating the risk that I will eventually be unable to continue legal representation and simply be forced to give up. I am asking for help because I do not want that to happen. After 12 years together, I want the ability to leave this marriage fairly, safely, and with dignity.

I want to be clear: my goal is not to create conflict. My goal is to finalize this process, leave this environment, and rebuild my life with stability and independence.

Right now, I need help to do that.

Funds raised will go toward:

• Legal fees so I can continue representation and pursue a fair resolution

• Securing stable housing so I can leave the current living situation

• Basic living expenses during this transition

This is not a position I ever expected to be in, and asking for help is not easy. But remaining in an unstable environment while being financially restricted and legally outpaced is not sustainable.

If you are able to support or share this, I truly appreciate it.

Thank you for helping me move forward.

[graphics from momera.ca/blog/divorce-and-poverty]