Hi everyone. I'm Louise. I would like to start off with saying that I'm incredibly lucky. That my gender clinic got my gender confirmation surgery. At the time I had funding for, my bottom half. And I had founding for breast implants as well. And I was supposed to have both surgeries done under the same anesthetic as it's cheaper which was fine. So after wating 4 years to get my surgery. Two weeks before I get a call from the hospital saying the founding for my breast implants has, been removed. And I was given a choice. I could cancel my surgery and try and get the funding back but if I did that I would probably have to wait another 18 months before I could have surgery because I would be basically cancelling the slot I already had. So I called my worker at my gender clinic and asked what I should do. And I was told to go ahead with the bottom surgery and they will sort funding for brest implants. So they said that way I won't be risking everything I've worked towards. Unfortunately that never happened. And honestly if I would of known 8yrars later I would still be like this I would of waited. Because I feel like Im half finished. It's really unsettling to still be showering in the dark. I can't have a relationship with someone as I feel ashamed and I feel humiliated about my body it's just frustrating. And unfortunately things got a lot worse five years ago as my hormone replacement therapy was just stopped after I had surgery. I was on hormones for 6 years and one day they just stopped so I went to my GP and he said I can't prescribe them to you even though the gender clinic set it all up years ago. And still 10 years on they still won't.

I also have just stopped taking my anti depressants last year after being on them for 10 years or so, as I think it's better to try and fix the issue of my depression. Buy fixing the underlying issues. And I want to turn all this negativity into something positive and be able to live my life being able to just look in the mirror and just see myself. And not this stranger I see.

so instead of giving up , I'm going to be positive and ask for your help. so that I can finally start living my life rather than it being on pause. thank you for reading.