Help me be in my son's life

My name is Antonio and I am a father who, like many others, is going through a very hard time all directed by my ex. I am resorting to this fundraising as the last hope! You see, the past few months have been hell on earth for me and writing about it here is extremely hard as I am sharing this with every one of you! I have had what my therapist calls "a traumatic relationship" which lasted about 3 years. I will not go into full details about it but I will tell you that I gave myself to help this person and in the process, I lost myself. I love my son more than anything in this world and although I never planned to be a father and that may be because I grew up without one. My ex was chasing me with the calendar with dates when it would be most likely to happen, I fought the idea for a very long time but after a lot of pressure, I accepted it. She always used to say that "I always wanted to be a single mother, you can go". In the end, it took us apart and although I left everything we built and we acquired behind, within me I was feeling peace! Ever since then, she has made it her life's goal to hurt me and so the pain began. Whenever I had Robin in the weekend I always included her in our little adventures, but after realizing it was ruining our day I stopped doing it. I started being professional, just go take Robin and leave. It upset her and I could feel it because the abuse got worse. She has cast everyone away, her own mother and family and so it pains me to the core to know that she will shape our son growing up. I grew up with a mothers love, being taught manners and respect. You see there is a lot I won't share here because these are traumatic events for me. She has brought me to a point in just a few months, where I was ready to say goodbye to this life. I gave up my hobby playing the piano and every joy I ever had. I was recently told I will only ever see Robin if we go to court and with heartache, I decided to stop chasing her for Robin because I was tearing me apart having to deal with her. I have been having panic attacks for a while and life has just become hard to live, in the end, I built up the courage to talk to my mother about my suicidal thoughts and the pain that I was going through. I also sought help from institutions that help people suffering from depression and mental health, who advised me to open up to my GP for professional help. I still haven't gotten around to do that yet but I will try my best. The reason I am doing this fundraising is to give me the chance to get a solicitor and go to court for my rights as a father, for my son's love and for my soul pain. I work very hard and I can barely survive to pay the bills and child support, I cannot afford financial justice. Please help me and share my story if you can! I am forever grateful to have this chance at all! 

I wrote a poem for my son and I will share that with you all. I hope It will travel the world and raise awareness that not all fathers are bad. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxSfTpf-ubk

Bless you all.