Help Kellie get a new phone

Okay, so listen, my brand new phone fell into a toilet out of my back pocket at a bar. I was in a hurry because my ride was about to leave and didn't notice it falling. So like that's bad enough. I leave, realizing relatively quickly that I don't have it.  We go back for it only to learn that some woman (whose birthday it was) SHIT ON MY PHONE. Yes. Shit. 

The bartender pulled me aside to tell me what had happened (I didn't even realize until now that it had fallen into a toilet, I assumed I had left it on the bar top). She tried her best to tell me in a polite way that someone had "used the bathroom " on top of it. I'm like "ew, someone peed on my phone?" The bartender says, "no sweetie, someone pooped on it. She fished it out and tried to clean it up, but she had trouble around your pop socket" and handed me a plastic bag with my disgusting property inside. So. 

I just started a new job after having been laid off since March, so I can't really afford to buy one until the paychecks start coming.  I'm asking for 200, if I don't make it, I still appreciate any help I can get.