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Medication & Oral Surgery Costs

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You know how I always feel bad about not keeping everyone in the loop, so I might as well tell you now…there is an insurmountable amount of fear that when I do have all of the surgeries coming up, I will be into much pain to function without my regular arthritis medications for that extended period of time and the doctors have all signed off legal marijuana as the next step, probably in addition to a fentanyl patch for the rest of my life, and weaning me down as low as possible on the oral narcotics-which have been working a lit bit less over the years.


If you had asked me five years ago, I never would have considered this remote possibility, but times have changed and all doctors have gotten on board and honestly I don’t know what to do anymore because I don’t know how I live my life. 


Things have gotten so hard that I haven’t been able to get out of bed and live a normal life or anything approaching it in quite a while, and I’m not the kind of person that I used to be, which is outgoing, optimistic and-happy-and I don’t know what to about that anymore. That scares me. It also scares me that I’m crying as I type this. 


I never thought it would come to this, but I have to accept on some level. I don’t know how to do this anymore. I’ve lost my appetite, my will to get out of bed…and apparently the medication I’ve been taking legally by my doctors for the last 30 years is now considered something of the past, so I’m hoping and praying that this works even though it’s not covered by insurance yet and I will have to leave the house to go to the dispensary in Rockford in order to get it, which is a wonderful inconvenience when you don’t drive in the first place.


All of my doctors have been talking about it for years and I don’t think I have a choice anymore because I don’t know how to live like this any longer without vigor, happiness and joy and even energy. I just wanted you all to know, so please I would love it if you did not judge me for it because I just don’t know what else to do. I would go as far as to say that I am desperate and I am not that kind of person normally and I don’t want to be.

     

As always, I love you and appreciate absolutely everything you have assisted me with all these years-and really over the course of my entire life, if you want to be truthful- and I truly hope that you do not consider me a bad person for taking the next step and hoping that maybe my life will improve. I need to get my pep back, or what I can of it. 


After all, my Isabella does deserve to be put on a harness and taken for some walks in my wheelchair in the fall. I love you all and i  truly hope that I have your blessing. 


Additionally, they have found some things up with my adrenal glands, which makes sense after being on prednisone for 30 years, so please if you are able to keep that in your thoughts and prayers as well, I would truly appreciate it because it also scares me. 


I guess as happy as I am or appear to be, I am a nervous   and extremely high-strung person constantly, which I think we all know if you have ever met me for more than five minutes. After all, joy and anxiety can come in the same package – and I use to be the positive definition of that analogy. I need to get that back again.


I Love and Appreciate You All More Than You Will Ever Know or Realize,

Annamarie Fay Sieberns

Organizer

Annamarie Sieberns
Organizer
Freeport, IL

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