I worked through the pandemic. It was retail and even during the lockdown, I was working. We were filling online orders. I had a stressful time riding the train to and from work. I was harassed several times by police and people trying to tell me the pandemic was fake.
When the stores started opening again, I was already having trouble at work. Many of the leaders were very dismissive of my careful behavior. I was wearing low-tech Hazmat gear. Even wore a plastic shield on my face. At work, many people started contracting Covid and the management was doing things like wearing masks under the nose and telling me I was paranoid. Even our breakroom was small and had no airflow. The people coming to the store were dismissive of masks. Some were even wearing gauze or fishnet as a mask. Not to mention the amount of misinformation that motivated customers from insulting and dismissing my caution.
I was exploring my gender identity and trying to find peace while trying to work as much as possible. To not be in the situation I am in now. This was difficult due to the social climate created.
At work I would microdose THC throughout the day, smoke an obnoxious amount at home, and consume a bottle of wine almost every night. It ramped up as I worked through the pandemic and the opening of stores. It got worse. I started being attacked by customers being overtly hateful of my gender presentation and caution.
Through this, I took up all my vacation time to find balance. Give my mind rest, my emotions respite. Tragically I was still consuming too much wine and pot. These wellness breaks were not helping.
Eventually, I hit the wall. I hit it hard. I cried at work for three hours. After a few days, I asked for a leave of absence. Contacted medical for mental health help. I felt like I might be at that line and ready to cross it. I thought of some dark solutions and the despair appeared endless.
I got on medication, started virtual groups and gave up drinking. My pot consumption was still what I call stupid. After a few months, I asked for a conversation with a doctor about the transition. In November of 2021, I started Hormone Replacement Therapy. In addition to the mental health help, I was also involved with Recovery/Drug treatment. Towards the end of February 2022, I went into rehab to get pot out of my habit.
I was out of treatment a month later and have been sober since. I suffer from Social Anxiety, Depression and being in transition with the things going on in the world. I am not doing fantastic.
The money I am asking for will help with medical needs and things like bras and the general things Trans Fem people tend to need. I am working on aid and trying to generate money through projects online. I do not want to do this for long. I was trying to avoid the time of desperation, but here we are.
If you want to know more about me you can read my nightly blog at nailsthatglow.com and I talk about a good deal of random experiences. I am also on most services under the same user name.
Please share. Even if you send me $5, it will help.