Having dark thoughts, need new direction in life

I suffer from depression and bi-polar disorder 
I’ve been struggling my whole life as far back as 13 is the earliest I recall 
i have in the past attempted suicide more then once 
i am currently 32 yrs of age 
I’ve been steadily employed for 12yrs at a dead end job 
i have no kids as far as I know I cannot have children 

i dont know what to do anymore 
I feel like this is it for me 
this is how life will be for me 

I'm not a person that asks for things to be handed to me 
I don’t know what that is like I was never privileged 

i just need a few months to calm down and get my mind right and figure out what I want to do going forward with my life


I need help :( 
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