Every penny counts

Anyone who knows me will know that I have been working for every single thing that I have since I was 14 years old  and anyone who knows me will know  that I have literally given the clothes off my back. For me to have to post this and request help from others like this is absolutely killing me. I agreed to take guardianship of my niece in February of this year. I really had no idea how much trauma she had experienced or how much attention and supervision she would need. When I lost my job in January knowing I was going to get guardianship of her in February I accepted a per diem position instead of a full-time just in case her needs demanded more of my time than I could commit to a job. I have been able to make ends meet for the last seven months with the resources available to me. I own a two-family home with a small rental unit. The rent does not cover the mortgage however it is enough monthly income to disqualify me for any public assistance which I wouldn't really want to collect anyways. At this point all of my resources are exhausted. Our household is running on fumes. I was scheduled to return to work when the kids went back to school however due to some unexpected urgent situations I have as of yet been unable to return to work due to family needs superseding this. I have always lived with and accepted and found joy in all the results of my own decisions in life that resulted in some struggle. This current situation in which I find myself however is not a result of my decisions other than saying yes to my niece. So she is here with me with her recently disclosed trauma history and all of her emotional and behavior issues and we are making the best of it as a little family team. It's very overwhelming to me at times. My niece well she needed this so what was I really supposed to do? Say no? Let her go into foster care? So here I sit knowing in my head and my heart that if I didn't do it I would have been able to go back to work already by now and I would already have been able to catch up on my bills and I would have enough money to take my own two children to Disney like I planned to do in October but she is now one of mine so it is what it is. I planned the Disney trip in January a couple of weeks before finding out that she would need somewhere to go. The money for the place to stay in Orlando is a loss. My two little children have opened up their own home and my daughter has shared her bedroom and almost everything else she owns including her precious little heart with her cousin. They understand why we can't go on our vacation  and they are okay with it  and of course as an adult I'm fine with sacrificing to put the needs of a child first.  It just makes me really sad in my heart that I had to tell my children we were not going to Florida. For all the emotional work they've been putting in over the past 7 months they really need some big big joy. And so do I. It is not an exaggeration to say that the kindness and generosity of others has been helping to keep this roof over our head for the month of September. I cannot thank everyone enough. I can tell you that when I am up and running at full capacity again in both of my careers it will all come back to you and then some. I love every single one of you and my gratitude is deeper than any ocean not only for the generous cash donations but also for the kind words of encouragement and support.