Help Me Get My Sunshine Back

For those of you that do not know my story here it is. I got my colon removed in October 2014. I was given the option at that time to create a J-Pouch (which is internal and made up of my small intestine) instead of having an external ostomy bag. I was 21 so of course I was willing to take this route. It was supposed to give me the most normal life that I could live as a young woman with no colon. I went thru 3 surgeries to make this happen as safely as possible. I have had a J-Pouch for 3 years now and my life is anything but normal. My new normal has become being in pain everyday, living my life based on the access to a restroom, struggling to make it over 100 pounds or even keep that weight on. I can no longer eat anything besides smoothies or fruit with yogurt. It got to the point I was taking 30 Imodium pills a day, which honestly should not allow a person to poop for a good year at least. Haha. But that amount doesn't even affect my pouch so I no longer take it. My life consists of doctors appointments, medicines, infections, and the feeling that it is never going to end. My first thought when I wake up is, "I wonder what today is going to be like?". I don't sleep much throughout the night because it constantly wakes me up. I am at the end of my rope though to be quite frank. I have been trying to stay positive for a long time but I need it to end. I do not regret my decision to have the J-Pouch created because it made me a stronger person. God used it to show me so many blessings in life that I had been missing since my mom passed away 10 years ago. It has allowed me to take charge of my life and know what I want out of it. Although I do not regret my decision I can not continue to live my life like this. I want to actually live life and not be stuck at home sick all the time. Getting my pouch removed and going to a permanent ostomy bag will allow me to live life. I will be able to work a full time job instead of 15 hours a week. I will no longer be in daily pain. I will be able to spend time with those I love and not have to constantly bail because I don't feel good. I will be able to wake up in the morning with joy. Please help me with getting my joy back and being able to live my life again. Anything helps and is GREATLY appreciated. My insurance isn't covering much if anything due to it being a pre-existing condition. Please help me get my ostomy bag back. My surgery is February 5th.