I am right this second holding back tears as I walk down the hallway in the hospital and find my son sitting at the windows in deep thought. He sees shadows so when I saw him and I asked "Son, whatcha looking at"? He replied " Everything I wish I could do over again". This momma lost it!
You see he is in stage 5 kidney failure, he has hemolytic anemia and has also been receiving injections in both eyes for diabetic retinopathy and dialysis. As a Momma you think you are strong for your kids. But, that strength would be tested once again. I stood frozen in the corner of that emergency room unable to speak. The room filled up with doctors, nurses, specialist, med techs, carts come rolling in, there were so many people shouting for medication or for this test to be done. It was as if I were watching a movie! They were trying to stabalize my son to keep him from going into cardiac arrest. Then I heard my son's voice and he says to the team of medical staff, "Stop. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. I've already signed a DNR". Yes, this momma lost it that time too...God was with me and helped me encourage and remind my son that he too has someone to live for. He and his son are twinkies. I am so thankful for the bond that these two have.
This evening I am having to get over myself and reach out for help. Help in giving my son HOPE. We will be here in the hospital for another 4-6 weeks for IV therpy to try and fight the infection in the bone and for them to start dialysis once again. This will all take place here in the hospital since Medicaid will not pay for him to go to a rehabilitation/nursing facility to do this. They suggested that he go home and receive home health for these services but my son doesn't have a home.
Years of being sick and not being able to see to drive or work kept him from being able to pay his rent so he has bounced around from place to place. In the last six years he was denied disability 3 times and on our 4th attempt we were able to get him a disability attorney. His attorney called me this afternoon to say that his case is before the judge for review. That's been the same answer given to us for the last 19 months.
As a Momma, I am asking for any financial gift that you can give to help pay for services that Medicaid will not cover and with the cost of gas since I am his caregiver. With 5 specialist to see each month and 3 days a week going to and from dialysis, it adds up. Bret has lost everything. Jobs, wife, son, housing, automobile, possessions along the way. And last Friday, he lost a toe.
I look at my son and I am in awe and shake my head at times because of what I've witnessed his body go through over the years. He has already discussed with me what music he wants played at his funeral and in what order, what he wants to wear and where he would like to be buried. Those are not easy conversations to have with your child.
I wish that I could list every way that your gift would be used but honestly I can't list them because there are so many. I will however tell you that I will be the administrator over these funds and will use them to the best of my ability to give my son security and to make sure all of his medical needs are met. I would like to share with you about a huge blessing that we were just informed of. There is a group of individuals that heard from a friend about my son and are taking time out of their day to make repairs on a small cottage that my son will be able to move into once he is discharged from the hospital. The love gift that each of you are able to give will help to pay rent, utilities, food and to purchase a handicap toilet, grab bars, handicap shower, shower seat, a bed, a lift chair, toiletries, bedding, wiring, light fixtures, water heater and any other building materials needed to make a home for Bret to lay his head.
I have never been one to ask for help. Maybe its just me trying to be a Momma and G-Ma and do it all, but at this point I have to ask for help so that I can bring my son home.
Our family would be so very greatful for any amount that you could give to help my son have some sort of stabilty and most importantly HOPE in his future. I know without a doubt that with God all things are possible!!!
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