Give Sean's family hope and healing

First of all I want to thank you for taking the time to read our page. Even if you choose not to donate please continue to read. We would like the world to know what an amazing person my husband was. How much he loved his family and how hard he fought,no matter how bad his illness became,to stay with us. How he spent his life sacrificing so that others could be provided for.                                             
    Sean was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia in 2013 at the time he was also found to have genetic defects which raised the odds of him dying from the disease or the disease making a transformation to another type of cancer.  At the time over 80% of his bone marrow was found to be cancerous. After two rounds of chemo and a clinical trial he was cleared of cancer.
     We had a good couple of years. Life was going well,we were happy in our new home,our kids were becoming amazing musicians.  It seemed like our house was always full of music and happiness. A few nights a week we would play board games as a family,jam in the studio he built for the kids or just hang out and talk. We were happy.
     Sean put everything he had into working to provide for his family. He built a music studio piece by piece for our kids. He took them to concerts and even Warped tour. He spent time teaching them and sharing with them the lessons that he had learned so that they didn't make the same mistakes that so many young people make. He was a source of unlimited,unconditional love and support. Patiently teaching and giving advice. Never becoming frustrated or angry.  He was the most amazing and caring Dad anyone could ever ask for.
      He took in stray animals as well. One Christmas Eve while he was going through treatment the first time he brought home a Saint Bernard dog. She was six years old and weighed sixty-eight pounds. She was so emaciated that I told him I didn't think she would live. He insisted that she was going to live and have a happy life. She was going to be a princess. We started the process of bringing her back from the brink of death. She had been wearing a shock collar for so long that she had forgotten how to bark so Sean started taking her out on the back deck at night and howling at the moon. After a few weeks she finally started to make noise. The look on his face was pure joy. He howled with her,ran with her,hand fed her and gave her constant attention and love. We had her for five more years. When she passed away his heart broke and he grieved for months over his princess.
     He started working at fourteen years old. Not for spending money but to help provide for his siblings. His mother was divorced and trying to get through college. He hadn't seen his father in years. So he worked to buy groceries,shoes,etc. He sacrificed his own childhood and education for the good of his family.
    His cancer made a come back last year. He started to get very tired at the end of the summer and started to lose weight and physical strength. By the end of October there was a tumor growing on the back of his head. It was the size of a marble when he was admitted to the hospital specifically so that the tumor could be evaluated and addressed. It was not taken care of at that time. He was given a round of chemo and sent home. No other treatment was given. The tumor was finally removed in January of this year after it had grown to the size of a grapefruit. It took twenty-three staples to close the incision. By then the cancer had made through the lining of his brain and was spreading to his central nervous system.
      The last month of his life was during the Covid lock down. He was in a hospital one hundred miles away and they locked it down and wouldn't let me in. No matter how bad things were getting while he was dying and losing the ability to speak I couldn't see him or participate in any medical decisions. Information was sparse at best and getting a doctor to call me was almost impossible. I couldn't eat and was afraid to sleep in case the phone rang and I didn't hear it.
    They transferred him back to our hospital on the seventeenth of April and still I couldn't see him. Early in the morning on April eighteenth I got a call from the Intensive care nurse telling me I needed to come. He wouldn't take his oxygen and had made them remove his i.v.
     I got to the hospital about twenty minutes later. I was horrified at what I saw. He was completely emaciated,unable to speak with his right eye bulging and unable to close. The right side of his face was paralyzed and cold when I lay my hand on his cheek. Still he smiled at me and pulled my mask down and said i love you. We put him in Hospice later that day.
     I made the arraignments for Hospice and went home to tell my sons that there was nothing more that could be done. Later that afternoon they were allowed to see their dad for the first time in a month and the last time in this life. My youngest son's birthday was on April nineteenth. Sean hung on until the next day so that he didn't die on our son's birthday.
    Now there is a giant hole where he used to be. The house is quiet. There is no laughter or music. No family game nights or joy. My oldest son is having panic attacks and has been diagnosed with depression and ptsd. My youngest is isolating himself a lot and sort of disassociating. They both need long term counselling in order to deal with this trauma and progress in life. My fear is that without the help all of the potential that they have will never be realized.
     We also need to keep a roof over our heads and transportation. My husband was unable to get life insurance because of his previous cancer diagnosis. I have been able to find part time work but it isn't enough. We also have two senior dogs who need care. One of them has epilepsy and is on daily medication.
     In addition it seems like everything is breaking. The septic tank is caving in,the air conditioner is giving problems and my oldest son's car is acting up.
      Anything given will not be squandered at at some point will be paid forward.
      We are living in this new reality without Sean and we will always love him and miss him but we have no choice.  We have to be able to move foward. I have to be able to take care of my family.
      Please help and share if you are able.
                                                                                                             Thank you,
                                                                                                              The Squires family


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Pam Squires 
Port Charlotte, FL
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