Save my son

So much has changed since I posted this almost a year ago.  I've become stronger. I try to be more positive. I've now been at my job over a year.  I have very wonderful coworkers who understand my bad brain days and they help me and make fun of me too.  I finally swollowed my pride and claimed bankruptcy.  Yes I'm 45 and have to start over but there is a feeling of relief.  Will I be screwed if something major breaks down yes but I have friends that will do their best to help me through . My daughter works so hard and maintains straight A's. She works to help pay for the stuff she needs. She's entering her senior year and she has colleges already looking at her. My son continues to struggle. He's been homeless and almost to rock bottom. He's been clean and doing great. Then he slips and  falls again. He has even more criminal charges beyond belief for being an addict but he still tries. It's a struggle everyday. I still worry constantly and there are days that I can't stop crying but I pull myself up and I go on. The difference now is that I know that I will survive no matter what the outcome my be.  I go to my meetings every  Tuesday night to help me learn how to take care of myself and how not to enable.  So has my situation really changed?  No not completely but I have a new outlook. I will handle what comes my way. Thanks to everyone that donated. It helped to pay for his outpatient therapy, his psychiatrist,  his medications, probation officer and the gas and time that my amazing mom put in to try and help her grandson.  I don't exactly see a light at the end of the tunnel. It was so dark  before.  Now I do see a faint little flicker and can take comfort in that.  


I'm not one to ask for help. I have a very difficult time with this. I've always been a very independent person but I am desperate so I'm supposed to tell my story and I'm not sure where to begin. Three years ago I had a regular life. Husband, two kids, one boy and one girl, two dogs, a house and a job. Then it seemed like over night my life exploded and landed me where I am now. I have two beautiful children. Both very intellegent and in gifted classes. My daughter remains to be productive and doing great in life. My son went from the straight A, popular sports star to a full on herion addict. Life began falling apart about 3 years ago. My sons bipolar disorder came on full force and he went down the wrong path. He started having trouble with the law and doing drugs. He ran away in February of 2012 until  Septemeber. He then returned home and he had given up on everything. So here I am with a drug addict for a son, a young daughter, a house and all the bills. My husband decides to file taxes and left me with an almost $12,000 tax bill. I was self-employed and because of health care changes I was struggling in my business. I put my son into rehab in April 2013. Thanks to the insurance they kicked him out after 2 weeks. His drugs use became a hundred times worse. Due to the stress of that, not having my husbands income, having my income cut in half, trying to keep up a household on my own while trying to raise my daughter and shelter her from the harsh reality that her brother was a drug addict I became sick. I got down to 80lbs and had several mini strokes or TIAs. I lost time and drove 20 miles out of my way without my knowledge. I have a Masters degree and now I have very little math skills and can't spell most of the time and have a very difficult time expressing myself some days. This happened a week before Thanksgiving in 2013. Then on Dec 16th my house was robbed. We later found out that it was a friend of my sons. He caused over $3000 in damages not to mention all the things that he stole from us. The insurance company gave me $199 for the damages and bought me a new computer. Then they dropped me. I now pay $4000 a year for homeowners insurance instead of $1200 a year. Not long after that my house was raided and drugs were found in my house. I was very lucky that they didn't pin that on me. So 2014 really didn't get much better. My son was arrested over and over. I seen things getting worse and worse but I just had to keep going. Luckily I had good credit because I had to use my credit cards to live. The debt kept piling up. I just kept pushing forward trying to stay positive. The divorce battle continued on. I felt like things weren't ever going to get better. Then in June I found this great job. The pay isn't faboulous but it was what I needed. So with in the first week my mom ends up in the hospital in critical condition, a man takes out the whole side of my car while I was visiting my mom at the hospital.  Then I received a letter from the new homeowners insurance that I had to do $1500 of repairs in order to keep my insurance. I then had another TIA that just put me back down.  After that my accounts were frozen by the IRS because my ex still refused to sign the amended returns to fix what he had created. Everything in my house is breaking and the stress just keeps building but I have to keep going. Things stay about the same and then Septemember rolls around. My son gets arrested once again on the 19th then on the, 24th his birthday, he's picked up and arrested on a $20,000 bond. I truly believe that's when my mind finally snapped. His friend bailed him out so once again I'm worried everyday and every night that I'm going to find my son dead.  On October 1st I came home to find my son face down in a plate of pancakes. I thought this is it he's dead. Fortunately he wasn't but then the seizures started. I had him at the ER on October 16th. I've been begging for help. You can't get help for your child unless you have $15,000 up front. As I sit here writting this trying to recall everything that has happened my son is next to me and I can't wake him because he took too many pills. I sit here watching my son die. Rehab, prison or death that's all I can see happening now. I can't get help with rehab. I am a drowning woman and all I want is help for my child.