Thank you, and much love from the Umbachs
Dalton, Jordan, Emma and Evelyn.
When you go into the detailed ultrasound all you are expecting is to be able to see your sweet angels profile, some hands and feet, and if you want, find out the gender. Previously we had waited until birth to find out the gender of our girls, and we had loved that experience. This time around I wanted to have the experience of knowing before hand, just for fun. When booking the detailed ultrasound I booked it for 21 weeks so that we had a high likelihood of finding out our babies gender. I had my sister's ready to plan a gender reveal party once I got that envelope with the exciting news. I wanted that surprise and the fun of having a fun gender reveal. We had tried for what felt like a long time for this baby and we were ecstatic. I had been walking on air since the moment I found out I was pregnant again. Once we got through the first trimester and past the fear of a miscarriage, we though all was perfect in the world.
Then things didn't go so well in the detailed ultrasound. First thing we saw was babies cute beautiful little heart pumping away. A great sign! However, as the ultrasound progressed the tech got more quiet and had to keep leaving to talk to the doctor. We thought that because my placenta was anterior she was just having difficulties getting the images she needed, so she was advising with the doctor on what to do.
Finally the doctor came in, and explained to us that there was no fluid around the baby, and they couldn't get a clear view of the kidneys. We were being referred to maternal fetal medicine to get a better look.
5 agonizing days later of me drowning myself with water and coconut water in an attempt to hopefully get more fluid around the baby we went into MFM. The result was much the same, but we left with a diagnosis, and a gender. Baby Umbach number 3 was going to be a girl! However, she has Bilateral Renal Agenesis. Basically, she has no kidneys. There was no evidence of any blood vessels where the kidneys should be, and they couldn't see the bladder, as it wasn't being filled. This results in no fluid. Baby is fine, as long as she is in utero. The lack of fluid has already affected her lung development, which will cause her to pass soon after birth (if she makes it through birth), and even if her lungs were fine, the lack of kidneys is fatal anyways. Now instead of planning a gender reveal party, we've been researching and learning and looking into genetics. I've been treasuring every movement and kick. We've been looking into funeral costs and plans. We've been praying lots and learning what it is to experience anticipatory grief. It sucks. We so want to keep this baby, and now we are faced with the reality that every day could be our last with her. She could pass in utero at any moment, I could go into spontaneous labor at any moment, or we could make it to our due date on July 7th. She could die during labor, or she could be born alive. If born alive she will live minutes to hours. It's a surreal feeling, and nothing we could have ever prepared for.
People are always asking what they can do to help. There is literally nothing anyone can do to help us right now besides pray for us, and they have been, and those prayers have sustained us. However, for those who want to do more, we've set up this go fund me to ask for donations in order to help cover the costs of burial, a tombstone, and hopefully some memory making opportunities such as a maternity and birth photographer. Every little thing we can do to create more memories of this precious, wanted baby, before she goes will be treasured by us for the rest of our lives. We will miss her and we will want her to be with us every single day. Our faith gives us hope that we will be with her again, that sustains us immensely, but it does not lessen the grief we feel now, and will feel in the coming months. So, if you feel you can help us with this in any way we are immensely grateful for any donation amount you can offer.
Thank you for all of your love, prayers and support.
Dalton, Jordan, Emma and Evelyn.
p.s. The photo is a painting that I used to tell Jordan I was pregnant again. I wrote a note that said "Hey Poppa bear, get ready for another cub."
- Karla Mata
- Sherry Macnab
- Jon Burkholder
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