Today should be different. Jared should be going to work, while me, Olivia, and Jonah stay home and settle into a new normal. I should be exhausted from getting up every two hours with a newborn but nevertheless happy. Olivia should be hopping around in the living room, watching Paw Patrol while I remind her to eat her breakfast every two minutes. But instead, nothing about today is like it should be. The house is empty and quiet. It still feels like we are living in a bad dream. We don't understand why this has happened. I just keep trying to cling to a hope that must exist. Because right now, all we feel is loss and hurt, and the emptiness of this home. There's a song by Kari Jobe, the Garden, that I keep replaying in my head. As we get ready to plan a funeral for a baby that should be in my arms right now, I am seeking a garden. Even just a little bit of green.
I haven't been able to respond to everyone, but we are thankful for the outpouring of love and support from our friends and family, and even the community. There really are no right words and that's okay. Your support means everything.