Find Myself Fund

Hello. My name is Shannon.  As of 30 min ago at 12AM today Oct 3rd, I just turned 36.  Another year gone and nothing to show for it.  I know this year will be better. I hope because I can’t take anymore. I have been with my bf now for a little over a year.  One year ago I was the happiest I’ve ever been.  He was the perfect man. We were great. I moved in with him and his mother almost instantly.  We were inseparable.  About 3 months into our relationship, my boyfriend started treating me different. We started fighting over anything and everything. It seemed like he stayed mad with me no matter what I did or didn’t do. He even told me he didn’t love me and to move out. It was like Jekyll  and Hyde.  Approximately 2 months passed and we were back to being semi-normal. We were spending a lot of time together and not fighting half as much. We laughed and had actual conversations. I always say I love you yet he’s never said it to me again. It really hurts me but I see his feelings in other ways. For the past couple of weeks now and we are back to fighting. Again we are fighting over everything and it’s all my fault. I admit to doing things I did or never even thought about doing. This time I realize. I’m in a narcissistic relationship. Everything has to be his way.  He has to be right. He always thinks I’m against him. These used to be petty little fights. Many of them but still yet stupid. Yesterday was different. Yesterday he scared me. I saw someone I never knew him to be. I know him to be very smart and sneaky but never thought he could be so heartless.  While I was gone cleaning a house, he packed up everything I own into black trash bags and put them in the garage. I am devastated.  I feel used and emotionally drained. I have to go. I have nowhere to go. I don’t have any family to help me. I have no friends left. I don’t have a job. My whole world has literally been about this person. This once perfect person who had the most tender touch. He adored me. Now to even hear my name disgusts him. I feel confused and alone. I need some help. I want to be happy again. I’ve always been the person to make everyone laugh. People use to love me and  now I don’t have one single friend.  My whole life I’ve dealt with hardships and misfortunes.  I don’t know what it’s like to not have to struggle. I can handle that. This situation I’m in is something I’ve never felt before.  Feel like I’ve entered into a whole other world sometimes. And inside there I am nothing. Not even a mere existence. I am invisible. That’s not me. I have to find Shannon. Please help me to get back on my feet. I have to rent a room or maybe an Airbnb until I figure out what to do next. He knows I have no one. He knows I don’t even have a penny to my name.  He wants me to feel helpless and hopeless. He wants to destroy me. I know this now. I don’t know what else to do anymore. I’m lost and confused and heartbroken and just want to find my way back to happiness. Please help me. Thank you.
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