Fight for Lammi's Parenting Rights
Donation protected
Many of you already know my current situation but here is the “short version” for those that may not know. I have two beautiful children. Noble, who is almost 7 and Honor who is 4. I love them and miss them every day. Since July 19, 2016, I have been fighting for my children to have equal parenting time with both parents. Unfortunately, my ex-wife decided that the best interests of the children were not in the best interests of her pocket book. When we first discussed divorce (due to a multitude of reasons), her father and I, proposed that we settle without lawyers, but with the help of our immediate family members, since we had 2 children and 2 cars----no other equitable assets to speak of—and we would share parenting time and the costs of raising the children. This would have cost under $500, and would have allowed the children to have equal time with both parents.
As in many divorces or break-ups, things have not gone well. My ex has worked extremely hard to ensure she has cut me, and my loving family, from my children’s lives. She lies to the children and tells them I do not call them, when in reality I call them every week. She even went so far as to move over 90 miles away while I was at work and then refused to tell me where the children were. I went two months…TWO MONTHS…not seeing my children. These two young and very impressionable children went to bed one night with a father in their lives and then spent the next two months wondering why their daddy wasn’t there. My son has even spoken about “running away” during that time to find me. After spending over $6,000, I was finally allowed my time in court and awarded every weekend with the children. Those first few weekends back with them were bitter sweet. I loved seeing them, they loved seeing me. But at night, they would cry uncontrollably. I spent several nights sleeping on the bedroom floor in between my children, holding their hands, just to reassure them that I was not going to be missing in the morning. It took weeks for them to believe that it was safe to fall asleep. They each woke up several times a night crying from the nightmares. It was heartbreaking.
I am not trying to take time away from the mother. I understand how important it is for BOTH parents to be active in their children’s lives. I am fighting for my rights as a FATHER. I was a good father when married, and I am a good father divorced. My time with the children should not be reduced to a measly 4 days a month simply because the mother wants to get back at me. The children come first. They always have, and they always will. I am fighting for the rights of a father to be an active role in their lives, to be there during important events, to be there when they need a father.
Due to the continuous lies to the courts and a multitude of delay tactics, this has cost me thousands of dollars in attorney fees, litigation, custody evaluator, and mediations. For example, I paid $3,000 for a custody evaluator, which once completed, supported my shared parenting plan. My ex, however, has made the decision that the evaluation “doesn’t count” and she is refusing to follow those recommendations. She is court ordered to allow me a 10 minute phone call with the children every Wednesday from 5:00-5:10----she has currently refused 53 weeks of phone calls since December 2016 stating that she “does not want to be held prisoner” to her phone and that my calls are “not welcomed.”
Although there is nothing any of us can do to change a person that acts in this manner, I refuse to give up fighting for time with the children. I am not a deadbeat dad. They love me and they miss me. They love my family and miss them. The reality is that in this state (as in many others), the father is typically seen as the paycheck and the mother is seen as the caregiver. I have never missed an important appointment with the children. I have never missed a school conference. I have never refused to take a sick day to stay with them. Sadly, due to the actions of the children’s mother, I was denied to see my son on his first day of school. This is memory that I will never get back.
Those of you that already know me, and have seen me with not only my own children, but yours as well, can attest to the fact that I’m a caring, loving, father. I strive to always be a positive role model for them.
The reality is that just to obtain a fair 50/50 physical custody arrangement; it has currently cost my family and me an enormous amount of money. And it’s not over. However, I need help. I’ve exhausted my options and I do not want these two beautiful children to suffer more due to something like money. If I can’t find a way to continue fighting this in court, my ex is looking at only allowing me to see the children 4 days a month and part of the summer------that is beyond disheartening to think about. My children love spending time with both parents, and I just want them to have the same time and opportunities with their father. I will always support them and love them-----but I’m more than just a paycheck to them.
Thank you for taking the time to read this story. My family will appreciate any help that you can provide. Also, please share this story! I am fighting for my children, and for all fathers out there who do not have the capabilities to continue. This is to show them, and everyone else, that the world supports EQUAL parenting rights! I am fighting for my children.
As in many divorces or break-ups, things have not gone well. My ex has worked extremely hard to ensure she has cut me, and my loving family, from my children’s lives. She lies to the children and tells them I do not call them, when in reality I call them every week. She even went so far as to move over 90 miles away while I was at work and then refused to tell me where the children were. I went two months…TWO MONTHS…not seeing my children. These two young and very impressionable children went to bed one night with a father in their lives and then spent the next two months wondering why their daddy wasn’t there. My son has even spoken about “running away” during that time to find me. After spending over $6,000, I was finally allowed my time in court and awarded every weekend with the children. Those first few weekends back with them were bitter sweet. I loved seeing them, they loved seeing me. But at night, they would cry uncontrollably. I spent several nights sleeping on the bedroom floor in between my children, holding their hands, just to reassure them that I was not going to be missing in the morning. It took weeks for them to believe that it was safe to fall asleep. They each woke up several times a night crying from the nightmares. It was heartbreaking.
I am not trying to take time away from the mother. I understand how important it is for BOTH parents to be active in their children’s lives. I am fighting for my rights as a FATHER. I was a good father when married, and I am a good father divorced. My time with the children should not be reduced to a measly 4 days a month simply because the mother wants to get back at me. The children come first. They always have, and they always will. I am fighting for the rights of a father to be an active role in their lives, to be there during important events, to be there when they need a father.
Due to the continuous lies to the courts and a multitude of delay tactics, this has cost me thousands of dollars in attorney fees, litigation, custody evaluator, and mediations. For example, I paid $3,000 for a custody evaluator, which once completed, supported my shared parenting plan. My ex, however, has made the decision that the evaluation “doesn’t count” and she is refusing to follow those recommendations. She is court ordered to allow me a 10 minute phone call with the children every Wednesday from 5:00-5:10----she has currently refused 53 weeks of phone calls since December 2016 stating that she “does not want to be held prisoner” to her phone and that my calls are “not welcomed.”
Although there is nothing any of us can do to change a person that acts in this manner, I refuse to give up fighting for time with the children. I am not a deadbeat dad. They love me and they miss me. They love my family and miss them. The reality is that in this state (as in many others), the father is typically seen as the paycheck and the mother is seen as the caregiver. I have never missed an important appointment with the children. I have never missed a school conference. I have never refused to take a sick day to stay with them. Sadly, due to the actions of the children’s mother, I was denied to see my son on his first day of school. This is memory that I will never get back.
Those of you that already know me, and have seen me with not only my own children, but yours as well, can attest to the fact that I’m a caring, loving, father. I strive to always be a positive role model for them.
The reality is that just to obtain a fair 50/50 physical custody arrangement; it has currently cost my family and me an enormous amount of money. And it’s not over. However, I need help. I’ve exhausted my options and I do not want these two beautiful children to suffer more due to something like money. If I can’t find a way to continue fighting this in court, my ex is looking at only allowing me to see the children 4 days a month and part of the summer------that is beyond disheartening to think about. My children love spending time with both parents, and I just want them to have the same time and opportunities with their father. I will always support them and love them-----but I’m more than just a paycheck to them.
Thank you for taking the time to read this story. My family will appreciate any help that you can provide. Also, please share this story! I am fighting for my children, and for all fathers out there who do not have the capabilities to continue. This is to show them, and everyone else, that the world supports EQUAL parenting rights! I am fighting for my children.
Organizer
Ruby Brewer
Organizer
Cloquet, MN
