Need support after separating & family violence

Hi there, I can't believe I'm here and asking for help. I feel so ashamed ...But life put me in very tight spot and difficult situation.

A bit of pre-story:

My name is Kateryna, I was born in Ukraine. I took.a courage and get approval from my parents to move abroad to make some money on my own when I was 15. I thought I that idea will help my parents to provide better education for my middle sister ( and it worked). Since then I was financially independent, but it's easier when you only by yourself.

Now I have 2 adorable children , 2 boys who is 3 & 6 years old. And (luckily) we live in Canada for just a bit more then a year.

I being married for past 8 years, but my marriage wasn't always smooth. When we lived in Malaysia, in my husband country I was nobody. Immigration workers always treated me rude and any answer I didn't like they told me " go back to your country". Once , when my second baby was 2 weeks old and it was covid the women in immigration just refused to provide me any information and deal with my documents ( i needed IC for second child) . Once when the war in my homeland just started and we needed to update my visa (yearly thing) l, but there was some complications because of one stamp in my passport had issues , they told me i have no choice but must go back my country. When we told them its war there now its dangerous, the officer replied " i dont care, you(wife-me) take your child( malaysian cirizen) and go back to your country to change your passport then we will see",- thats exactly what he said. And there is more to it. That's why we moved here last year...

Now I gonna share my story why I need your help and support:

When we lived in Malaysia, after I got pregnant with firstborn my husband started to show his true colors, he could just last me to leave the car on the way,just anywhere , just because we was arguing... He often was braking staff or throwing staff at home because he couldn't stand my voice, or because he wasn't happy about something. Once he throw cigaret butt at me when I was holding our baby . He threatened me that he gonna deport me and take children away. This things he did only when we fight, or argue , or he wasn't happy about I didn't cook food at time or by claiming that I doing nothing and house is not clean properly.... I had no voice no money ( maternity leave almost for 5 years), I wasn't allowed to work there, and I was afraid to do anything because of husband networking,he had actually had enough power to do all that.

I was hoping that after we moved to Canada things will become better since he doent have any networking here. And I accidently joked once on the beginning that " finally we are equal ", I meant that we both human here, both nobody, no power, no connections...but he got it in different meaning, he thought that me , ad women waslnted overpower man of the house... maybe that's why we was fighting here nonstop. I won't be talking about casual fights or argument when he was throwing slbraking staff or food here as well, but once in March last year we had a huge fight. He punched me few times very strong until my nose was bleeding couple of days. He broke my laptop, completely destroyed it, he cut all my shoes I had ,left only 1 pair of slippers ( it was winter) he cut a lot of my clothes, chairs , carpet.... i packed my staff and tried to leave. I did leave a house wad waiting in a barn outside , looking for place to go with kids, but noone could help me. Because I couldn't find a place to stay overnight, when he apologized I said this is last time I giving him last chance, but few hours later he punch my head again ,my neck from that pain till now.... I had a panic attack for couple of month since then , but I had no choice ,no where to go, no job... I was scared... somehow luckily summer wasn't that bad , we didn't fight much, maybe because he was working by then ...

But then again since November 2023 we moved different house and never stopped fight, almost every 2-3 days. Once he throw all the food from fridge and drawers I was accumulating for few months, because by then I was only one working, so he paid rent and car maintained, I covered food, all other bills, children expenses and childcare and even car insurance (I'm not driving, but he is driving us ,often).....

Recently the most horrible accident happend, he explode because of I say something not in appropriate tone. Then it's started. My he'll started...Until now I can't forget that night. He literaly take all the can food and whatever was on the shelfs and fridge , and throw into the ceiling, on the floor , into kids room door , where I hide with children, then he keep walking back and forth on all that food, and asking me come out. He cut sofa, carpet, chairs..he pushed my head, then pushed me and I fell, my sons saw all that and heard, i tried to keep them in the room, but they keep looking out, especially elder one , he is the one who told me that i fell and my back was full of food and aome glass.I can't explain with words, but it was so scary. And then in one moment he gives me 2 knives and saying to come out ,he will be bare hands, and that I have to tell him how I wanna end it. It was continuing from 9- 10pm till 2:30am I think. Next day I faster get kids ready and we rush by our own to school and work(not the first time ,so...)

Don't ask me how I felt... it was nightmare, I hardly could hold my emoting and I was so scared and I didn't know what next... but then I recieved phone call from Child Services, my son was worry about me and said something at school, that how this things was revealed.

I feel like my son saved us. I feel relieved but darn scary still. About husband actions in future and about how to leave now, how to give home and food for my kids now and in next year at least.

We ( me with kids and husband ) seperately currently, and I'm not planning to move in back with him or getting back together . It was to much, next time might be the last time, so NO. I want my kids safe, health and with mom. Thanks fully social workers involved in our case , so we are safe for now. But me and kids we struggling with money, I have to pay rent by end of the month, now I paying babysitter once per week, I still have to pay all bills, but my salary is almost minimum. Just 17per hour. I looking for second job, but I will need babysitter for that... I will add some more story and updates later , now dealing with a lot and almost no time, we still with kids flhavent finish clean house fully after what husband did....

But I'm sincerely asking for any help anyone can offer, words of support, any financial (it's what we struggle the most) or maybe some resources in this case ( 1st need to find a way to become a single legal kids representative) . Please don't judge, it's difficult on its own. Me and kids would really appreciate any help. We will be so gretfull for anything . Please help us.

First of all we need money for rent for this coming month and next few, until I do some savings.

Second thing is arrange all documents and lawyer things to become the only guarding of my kids, that gonna cost fortune for me.

(After paying all bills this month I literaly got only 200+ in my account, and future salary can cover only kindergarden and achool fees) , but I still need to pay 3 days for babysitter by March, the rest of the days i just bringing kids with me everywhere, to court and lawyer etc...

But I promised myself and kids that in few month i will accumulate some saving and wil find a second job in order for us to exist.

Thank you, and i hope everyone stay safe.