I thought I’d start by saying my reasons for doing this.
Since the age of 12 I have suffered from severe mental health problems, I tried so hard to hide this and turned to drink, substance misuse and self harm to cope. I suffer from anxiety as a result of never feeling like I was “good enough” because of high expectations always placed on me by an anonymous person.
As I have grown up I have come to realise that her attitude towards me was a result of her own insecurities but it’s all too late. My depression/anxiety comes and goes depending on how my mind reacts to certain situations, I have been called emotional, stupid, weak, controlling and a bad person all because I struggle so much to control how I feel sometimes. This has been so bad at times I have tried numerous attempts to end my own life and if it wasn’t for 2 of my closest friends my last attempt 5 months ago would have been successful and my kids would have no mother!
Selfish you say? No not really, imagine waking up each day hating who you see, never feeling like you are a good person, always hearing negative thoughts and a voice telling you the world would be a better place without you in! That is not weak it is your mental health!
I have had counselling, antidepressants and tried herbal remedies which work for a while then lose their effectiveness. I have always turned to MIND since the age of 24 when I suffered from post natal depression, they are always on hand to listen, regardless of the time. Without their support and encouragement I would not have the courage to go on!
2020 has brought us COVID which has had a HUGE impact on people’s mental health. From addition to loneliness or depression to eating disorders they are so helpful. Unfortunately they rely on donations and the kindness of others so I want to help. I have signed up to walk 1000 miles during 2021 and will setting up various fundraising activities when I am allowed to do this. For now though I have set a target of £500 which I want to reach, all donations go directly to MIND and will make sure they are able to help more people.
Thank you all, much love ❤️
- Jacqueline Hoffman
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