Don't you have anything better to do than play a stupid Game

First World Problems Are Problems Too ¯\(ツ)/¯

Hi all! It’s Anthony, your classic 36-year-old millennial dad here. And like many millennials, I live by the belief that we don’t deserve nice things. But this goes beyond “deserving”… this is a saga you may have never heard before—or maybe you’ve heard it a million times. Your call.

Sure, there are more meaningful causes out there. But if you don’t have anything better to spend your money on, hey, welcome aboard! You’re at the right place.

As a dad, I sacrifice a lot to give my kids the best childhood possible. Sacrifice comes with the job (though I don’t remember seeing that in the fine print), and honestly, it makes me happy to see their faces light up.

But I’ll be honest: there’s one thing that would make this dad even happier.

Something that would bring me so much joy, it’d make me a better dad because I’d just be in a better mood. Isn’t that what we all want—a happier dad? Don’t my kids deserve that? No? Too soon for the subtle guilt? Ok, let’s keep going.

That thing is Monster Hunter (MH). For those of you who share our cultured millennial gamer tastes, you probably know a new MH game is coming out, called MH: Wilds (MHW). Recently, they announced an open beta, and I got super pumped. Why? Because, 1) I get to sample this beautiful piece of gaming art, and 2) I get to see how “compatible” my current setup (a vintage gaming laptop) is with the game.

Oh, you’re in for a treat. Let me take you on a journey.

I should’ve taken the hint when I tried to play MH: World a few years back. My laptop barely managed it, but hey, I assumed it just needed a little “you’re-doing-great-sweetie” support. But nope. It turns out, this “gaming” laptop doesn’t want me to experience MH: Wilds any more than it wanted me to play MH: World.

Here’s a snapshot of my experience:

The game runs at a jaw-dropping 15-20 fps, which, for reference, is when you go grocery shopping with your mom as a 6 year old child who's deciding which brand of whole milk to pick.

Then the graphics… oh, they’re truly something. The visual fidelity is on par with a marshmallow your toddler nephew took a bite of and then decided to use as a sand box toy. Don’t believe me? I even took screenshots (yes, photos of a screen—we all know boomer habits are hereditary):

Now, let’s play a game that millennials know well:

“Who’s That Pokémon?”

I’ll give you one guess…

Stumped?

It’s supposed to be a monster in the next image (Chatacabra, for those playing at home or on the radio):

HOW… HOW?!!!

I EVEN DOWNLOADED THE MOST PIXELATED IMAGE OF THIS MONSTER I COULD FIND, AND IT STILL LOOKS BETTER THAN WHAT I’VE GOT!!

TL;DR

My setup is so tragic I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy… well, maybe my worst enemy, but definitely not my second-worst. Help me finally get a real setup so I can experience MH the way it was meant to be played.

Needless to say, but… halp plx.

All funds raised will go toward a setup that’ll last me at least 7-8 years. Help me say "bye bye bye" to my old setup and let me finally have a moment of "hello? is it me you're looking for?". Because a good gaming rig may not be therapy, but hey, it’s cheaper.