Internships - An Arm and A Leg

Well... I am completely floored, yet moderately unprepared for my newest venture. While the internship position I've been offered is a paid position, living on internship wage in Washington, DC is comparable to surviving on Plasma sales. So.. I've made the decision to take the "poor beggar" route.

If you find it in your heart to contribute to my ridiculously surreal Capitol Hill endeavor, your generous and insanely appreciated contribution will go towards a variety of things including:

- Housing: if all else fails, I'm more than ready to set up shop in a halfway house or sleeping in the Metro station...

- Gas: Even if I don't end up sleeping in the Metro station, I'll be utilizing it quite frequently. But, periodic trips to my relatives that I love and cherish oh so dearly would be nice.

- Nourishment: Canned beans, rice, the occasional apple. I'm not picky. I just don't have the immune system necessary for dumpster diving so I'd like to avoid it as much as possible.

- Healthcare: I'm overdue for a teeth cleaning, guys. Seriously. And being able to pay prescriptions would be lovely.

- Stamps: I'm going to send a zillion letters to all of you wonderful generous people while I'm there. The majority of my million dollar funding goal comes from the calculated total of all my postal expenses.

- Threads: I vow not to spend your hard earned money on Jincos and flip flops. But, I am from Florida. My egregious lack of fall and winter attire is disheartening. I may actually freeze to death... sleeping on a Metro platfrom.. eating canned pinto beans.

Your kind and caring charitable donation will NOT go towards:

- Booze.

- Smokes.

- Crystal Meth or any other illicit substance one might find in DC Metro stations.

- Attire unrelated to A: Weather or B: Professional attire. I do have to at least somewhat look the part.

- Homeless people. Yes, everyone knows that I am a sucker and moderately naive. But, I promise not to go around throwing your donations at everyone who asks me for a buck. I'll use my own funds for that.

In short and in all seriousness, this is an amazing opportunity and I can't wait to get started. I just want to be able to dig in, work hard, and make a difference. Any little bit of cheddar you could throw my way would absolutely and completely make it a tad bit easier and more feasible. And if all goes as planned, all benevolent philanthropists who slide a few bucks my way will receive:

- Free legal advice once I finish law school (I'll give it to you now if you really want it, but it'll hold a bit more weight if there's a JD behind my name)

- Unlimited permission to name drop your BFF Congresswoman Jessie Caudill in the future.

- If you donate an amount that equates to a nice dinner out... I'll cook you one that's comparable to Julia Child's and you don't have to put on real pants. You can't beat a steak dinner in sweat pants.

- You will feel awesome! I can be a pretty cool cat and I'm just out here trying to get to place where I can make a difference. So by donating to my internship fund, you are actually investing in possibly world peace, a cure for cancer, the end to homelessness, and lower college tuition rates.

- Finally, I will love you and be grateful for you forever. I mean, I probably would anyway, but this would really nail it down.

Thanks for considering my fund donation-worthy. I assure you, it is. Or at least I think so, and I'm a pretty smart cookie.