Chronic fatigue and chronic pain help

8 years ago I had several health issues that resulted in a succession of operations. One being a hysterectomy due to cancerous cells at the age of 33! Thankfully my operations were successful, but as a result of so many operations and illnesses in such a short period of time it has left me with ME/CFS, Chronic Fatigue syndrome, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain.

It has completely changed my life. I was bed bound for almost a year, then completely house bound for a very long time.

I used to be active all the time, working, playing mum and dad to 2 children being and still being a single parent,  looking after the house, being able to manage my own bills and finances, having 2 horses on share, walking the dog as well as having a hectic social life.  

Now all of that has gone and it is now just me and my daughter and the roles have now been reversed, she has to look after me whilst doing a full time college course and going to stay with her dad,
I feel so bad as I feel like I have stolen her childhood and teenage years.

I have stopped being inviting me to anything and everything because they know I won't be able to, even as much as I would love too.
I can go weeks without seeing another living being other than my daughter for weeks so I am really struggling with loneliness at times, so having someone come in a few days of the week to help with the house chores and my basic human needs, it would also help with the loneliness!

A good day for me is to be able to bath myself and make it up the stairs to get to my bedroom. Even simple things like that can be like climbing Everest for me. Also a good day is when i can move around the house for more than 15 minutes without using crutches or having to rest.  I still barely leave my house as i cannot walk very far even aided with crutches.

The fatigue is so bad at times that holding my phone feels like it weighs 20kg, my head is to heavy for me to support for any length of time, let alone supporting my body weight unaided for any length of time. I tend to have to sleep downstairs on the sofa because of the stairs. The fatigue even effects my ability to read on my bad days. It causes a kind of brain fog so i cannot even cope with dealing with bills or appointments as it effects concentration as well.

The chronic pain makes everything 100 times worse. Some day's even putting my feet on the floor is to much to bare. It has effected my joints, ankles, knees, pelvis, lower back, shoulders and hands. Even with my pain meds from my doctor when it is at its worst they barely touch the pain and I want to cut my own legs off just to make the pain stop.

One of the misconceptions surrounding CFS is that you sleep a lot, but if anything it causes insomnia. I am to exhausted to switch off to be able to sleep. Add to that excruciating amounts of pain and sleep can be an impossibility, some times for 3 nights in a row!

I am only 41 and yet i feel as though my life is over and that my quality of life is minimal at best.

These diseases are soul destroying and leave me some days not wanting to carry on and not wanting to be here anymore. They have left me struggling with my mental health. My depression has got so bad it has led me to thoughts of suicide and self harm, all brought about because of the isolation as well as the pain.

I really need a helping hand to try and get some of my life and mobility back.

Being a single parent living on disability benefits i honestly don't know where to turn for help!

So i am now turning to you, the general public, strangers, for help. Help that i desperately need to make my life livable, to help me feel like a functioning member of society, because at the moment i don't have a life outside these 4 walls let alone inside them. 

I am trying to raise funds to get help with getting a carer or someone to help me with my basic needs and to help me around the house a few days a week as i am completely incapable of doing either. I used to be really house proud, it was always clean, not ocd clean, but clean enough to not be to embarrassed to let anyone inside, now, because I am incapable of doing much more than sweeping the floors, with no regularity as it depends on what sort of day I am having, the housework has got on top of me and it is embarrassing and depressing. I am sat indoors pretty much 24/7 so it stares me in the face, crying out to me to be dusted and there is only so long I can look at it without attempting to do it myself. The problem with that is that when I push myself and push my limits it will affect me for days after where I am bed bound, All because I tried to do too much at once.
It honestly leaves me in floods of tears!

I am also trying to raise funds for help to make renovations to the bathroom so I can actually wash myself.
At the moment my shower is in the bath but my problem is I can very rarely get myself in and out of it so I am forced to go without a shower or bath for weeks at a time.
I have had to go 3 months before which is so degrading at my age it causes spates of depression as well so I am trying to take out the bath and turn the bathroom into a wet room with grab rails and a safe chair to use in the shower.

Not only would that help by making me smell better but it would help my mental health as well.

If I wasn't suffering and struggling so much I would never have asked for help.

I am a very private person so it has taken a lot for me to swallow my pride and put my life out there for people to see but I have no where to turn to for help and support, so any help means the absolute world to me and I am humbled by the kindness of some people!

Thank you for taking the time to  read this and please, if you could find it within your heart to help I would be eternally grateful.

I know money is tight for everyone, especially at the moment, so even if you cannot afford to donate at the moment please could you share this post for me to help maximise its exposure.

Thank you :-) 

I hope you are all doing OK in this corona virus pandemic.
Stay well and stay safe

Best wishes
Debbie