Buy This Pirate Ship To Make 2020 Suck Less

WE NEED THIS PIRATE SHIP!

Listen everyone, I need to confess something. Since I have been old enough to be asked “what do I want to be when I grow up” I have always answered consistently: “I want to be a pirate!”
My parents, friends, guidance counselors and therapists have all laughed at this... And I almost gave up....

until someone sent me the advertisement for this totally kick ass pirate ship for sale!

Let me be clear, I know this is a total frivolous and ridiculous thing to ask of you all. No one really “needs” a pirate ship (I for real do though). And although 2020 has been a giant titty twister of a year, I honestly feel that if we all band together to buy me this pirate ship for no reason other than fun, boredom and good old fashioned spur of the moment viral crowd funding randomness, then there is hope. This whole year will have a giant shimmering bright spot we can all turn to and say “well at least that part didn’t totally suck.”

So here’s what I’m offering you scalawags in exchange for your cooperation. Anyone who donates more that $20 will be listed as official crew of “The Dirty Pirate Hooker” (that will be the boat’s name). You have permission to come aboard and check it out whenever you want ... AND you will be invited to the Facebook page where group outings will be scheduled on any good weather days where you can join us for a cruise while we will drink rum and plunder the sand bars and ports of all the rivers and bays around Lake Erie.

If you donate less than $20 you will be put on a list of people who we will not plunder and pillage. That’s the best I can do for you. Maybe also shoot you a beer out of a cannon mounted on side of the ship. We will see... I have only imagined that cannon and haven’t really thought too much about how to actually engineer that into reality yet.

Anyway, thanks for your time and consideration of helping make me a real pirate. If nothing else, I hope this made you laugh and inspires you to also do whatever fun and ridiculous things you have dreamed about.

Cheers!
The Dread Captain Nick