F--CK ME, I'M GRIEVING

Written by Tatiana Kouguell-Hoell

Directed by Rebecca Wield

Produced by The Siq Collective

October 8th, 9th, 10th at The Hope Theatre in London.

Hello! My name is Tatiana Kouguell-Hoell and I'm a playwright from New York City. I’m so excited and honored to have the world premiere of my play F--CK ME, I’M GRIEVING at The Hope Theatre in London. It's a dream come true! I'm keen to begin the next steps to bring this production to life across the pond. This play is being produced by myself and the Siq Collective, each of us are committed to paying our team fairly. Any and all donations towards this production are welcome!

SUMMARY: F--K ME, I’M GRIEVING follows a particularly horny bereavement group and their cold-hearted counselor with a grief fetish. When a newcomer admits to having an increased sex drive, the others slowly confess similar feelings. This play is funny, heartbreaking, absurd, and horny; just as sex is, as grief can be.

SYNOPSIS: F--K ME, I’M GRIEVING is a dark comedy that explores the connection between grief and desire, and what happens when we try to ignore those feelings.

In the beige forgotten basement of a free counseling center, a particularly horny bereavement group and their cold-hearted counselor hold weekly sessions. When a newcomer admits to having an increased sex drive, the others slowly confess similar feelings. Drawing together Hope, a nonbinary teen whose grief is paused by their desire to try butt-plugs, Nida, a grandmother in her sixties who obsesses over Billy Crystal movies in order to to feel something, and Ric, a happy-go-lucky guy in his late twenties who can't stop fantasizing about May, their counselor. May is in disbelief, as she tries to stay professional without revealing her grief fetish, or the fact that there’s a sudden gap in her memory that Nida seems to know more about than she lets on.

Through a non-linear narrative that mirrors the rollercoaster of grief, F--K ME, I’M GRIEVING pushes back against this idea that there is a right way to grieve, destigmatizing the shame surrounded by sex and death. It’s funny, heart-breaking, absurd, disturbing and horny; just as sex is, as grief can be.

DEVELOPMENT HISTORY:

The first draft of this play was generously supported and created during the La MaMa Umbria International Playwrights Retreat in the summer of 2024. In Winter of 2025, the play had its first reading at La MaMa ETC in New York City. This was followed by a reading that Spring at Pete’s Candy Store in Brooklyn. In 2025, F–CK ME, I’M GRIEVING was named a Semi-Finalist for the O’Neill National Playwrights Conference. The World premiere of the play will take place at the Hope Theatre in Islington October 8th, 9th and 10th at 7pm.

WRITER'S STATEMENT:

In the winter of 2024 I woke up from a dream with the words: “fuck me! I’m grieving!” The only thing I remembered from it. After quickly writing it down I realized that this would be a great title for a play. At that time, I didn’t really feel like writing. A few months prior, Gigi; my grandmother, my best friend, and my other parent, had just passed away. It still didn’t feel real to me and I couldn’t seem to shake the guilt that I wasn’t grieving. At least, I wasn’t grieving in “the right way,” in ways others seemed to grieve and mourn. I wasn’t constantly crying hysterically or bedridden, I only felt an overwhelming sense of numbness and disbelief.

I started doing research on the stages of grief and finding that my own experience was shared by others, along with surprising details and statistics on the connection between increased sexual desire and feelings of grief. In moments where the sadness threatened to pull me down if I didn’t acknowledge it- I started to rationalize that I would do anything not to feel it. I wondered if there was a magic pill to take the pain away- would I take it? Would others want to take it? But I realized that even if there was, the memory of her would then be lost and that would be more devastating than anything else. But what would happen if it was actually real, and someone really did take it? An image came to me of four people sitting on fold-out chairs in a small circle in a forgotten basement. A bereavement group. I started writing about the different characters in the group, including the counselor who felt nothing except jealousy over her patients' grief. Each of the characters were not grieving in a traditional way. I wanted to explore grief in a more nuanced way to try to remove the shame and pressure of not experiencing loss “correctly.” I wondered what would happen if the feelings they shared were not just sadness and heartbreak but horniness. Desire. Love. Lust. This is how the play was born. I hope this play allows people to openly laugh and be scandalized, to cry if they want to, but know that it’s okay if they don’t. Mostly, I want to create a space where people won’t feel so lonely in their grief, and we can sit in it together for a little while.

BREAKDOWN OF DONATIONS:

Your donation will help towards paying the cast and crew for this production of F--CK ME, I’M GRIEVING.

MEET OUR CREATIVE TEAM

PLAYWRIGHT & PRODUCER:

Tatiana Kouguell-Hoell is a writer, producer and educator. She is passionate about storytelling through playwriting and screenwriting. Through her work she examines the world of women+ today through a blend of socio-political rigor, whimsical magical realism, and stylized poeticism. Her new play FUCK ME, I’M GRIEVING was a Semi-Finalist for the 2025 O’Neill National Playwrights Conference. Currently, she is a lecturer and advisor in Screenwriting and Playwriting at Purchase College. B.A., Purchase College, MFA., Columbia University. Her plays and written work have been performed at Scala Theater in Amsterdam, La Mama Umbria, puntWG Amsterdam, Irvington Theater, The Tank Theater, Château Orquevaux, Emerging Artists Theatre’s New Work Series, Lenfest Center for the Arts, Schapiro Theater, The Studio Theater, Purchase College and the Stella Adler Studio of Acting among others.

https://www.tatianakouguellhoell.com/

DIRECTOR:

Rebecca Wield is a director, movement and intimacy director, and actor. She trained at The Royal Ballet School and danced with English National Ballet, before training as an actor in 2015. Rebecca has an MA (Distinction) in Movement Directing and Teaching from the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama in 2023 and was named as “One to watch” by Broadway World for movement on Ravenscourt at Hampstead Theatre in 2022.

DIRECTOR: Playing the Feeld (Riverside Studios)

MOVEMENT DIRECTOR: The Urmetazoan (Hampstead Theatre); Ruth (Wilton Music Hall); Guys and Dolls, Duet for One (Frinton Summer Season);Fatherland (Hampstead Theatre); Musik (Wilton Music Hall) Persona -Lumen prize nominated 2024 (Saatchi Gallery); Biscuits for Breakfast, (Hampstead Theatre); Roberto Zucco, 2nd year BA Actors, (Fourth Monkey); Hamlet, BA (Hons) CDT 2nd year Bridge Project, (Royal

Central School of Speech and Drama); Ravenscourt (Hampstead Theatre); Painting (The White Bear).

CHOREOGRAPHER: Pickled - Cannes nominated film 2026 (NFTS);

I’m King, Drag Performance, (RVT, Ivan - If - A – Boy); Assistant Choreographer, Addams Family, 2nd year BA Musical Theatre, (London College of Music)

INTIMACY: The Urmetazoan (Hampstead Theatre); Me to You - film (NFTS); Ruth (Wilton Music Hall)

PRODUCERS: The Siq Collective develops and produces theatre for a new era by creating collective experiences people actually want to attend. Co-founded by A.A. Brenner and Danielle Hope Diamond, Siq specializes in bold stories rarely told. Siq [‘sik]: Theatre, Redesigned.

A.A. Brenner (he/they) is a playwright, producer, dramaturg, and screenwriter based in NYC and London. Co-founder & Artistic Director: The Siq Collective. www.aabrenner.com.

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A.A. Brenner (He/They)

Artistic Director & Co-Founder | The Siq Collective

[‘sik], noun: an international, queer-led, experiential collective operating at the intersection of theatre, fashion, art, and cinema | “That’s Siq.”

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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR

Kim Wright is a theatre director with a movement and intimacy background working across new writing and regional theatre. She recently worked as Intimacy Director on Romeo & Juliet at New Vic, Stoke-on-Trent, with Not Too Tame Theatre and was Associate Director on Miriam Battye’s Strategic Love Play, directed by Dhruv Ravi for its US debut.

MEET OUR CAST

Samantha May Manning (May) Samantha is a graduate of the Giles Foreman Centre for Acting London. With additional training in performance capture with The Mocap Vaults, and Meisner technique with Mind-Body-Voice. She has a particular passion for Yat Malmgren and Laban technique, as well Movement Psychology. Her more recent theatre credits include Arsinoé in The Misanthrope, Marianne in Constellations, Beatrice in Much Ado About Nothing, Arkadina in The Seagull, The Woman in The Human Voice, and Barbara in August: Osage County. 

Joanne Schmoll (Nida) is a creator and director as well as a retired American diplomat who has returned to her first love of singing and acting and recently completed an MA in Musical Theatre at the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama.  Recent credits include Margaret in CARRIE the Musical and Mme. Armfeldt in A Little Night Music.  In a ‘previous life’ Joanne appeared in The Sondheim Celebration at the Kennedy Center, The Spitfire Grill, Adding Machine: A Musical.  She has lived and worked and sung on five continents, and has been nominated for two Helen Hayes Awards.  She has created a number of solo cabaret shows and is currently working on a new piece about her life in the Foreign Service.  Other work includes regional theatre, a U.S. national tour, film, and concerts in various venues across the United States.  She just finished directing Here’s to the Ladies!, a piece she wrote for three singers and band, at Upstairs at the Gatehouse as part of the Camden Fringe Festival.

Frederick Russel (Rich) is a London-based actor whose career began on stage at The Waterloo East Theatre playing Baby in Jez Butterworth’s Mojo (2019). Most recently, he appeared as Cougar in Philip Ridley’s The Fastest Clock in the Universe at The New Wimbledon Theatre and in Emily Potter’s Playing The Feeld at the Riverside Studios Bitesize Festival. His other stage credits include the hit new writing Dick by Adam Kineen (Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2024; Riverside Studios revival 2025) where he was nominated for Fringe Theatre award for best leading actor, and A Midsummer Night’s Dream with The New Rep Company (2025). Frederick is delighted to be bringing Rich to life in Fuck Me I'm Grieving.