My name is Brandon and my best friend Chester is my Co-Pilot.

I'm autistic and Have ADHD and it has affected my life in profound ways. From struggles relating to people and making connections and my school and work life, maintaining connections and how I relate to the world and so much more that I dont even fully realize yet.

Due to my disability, which was only recently diagnosed, I had a very difficult time growing up. My grade-school through high-school was in Alberton, MT. A Very small community; only about 300 people at the time. During those years I was tormented by my peers for my difficulties including but not limited to intellectual delays, speech impediments like stuttering and lisp, and more.

Beyond that, because my mother was an addict and alcoholic, my father got full custody of my half-brother and I and we move to Montana from California in 1992. My father is likely also autistic, but he's stubborn as a rock and would never admit it, but I digress. My mother was never in my life in a meaningful way.

Unfortunately, my father was also a hard man. I suffered physical and emotional abuse, neglect, emotional unavailability and so much more trauma during my formative years. As soon as I was able to do any kind of labor, that became my life at home. Endless chores, tasks, jobs, work... working since I was about 8 years old.

When I turned 18 I left that environment as soon as possible, and moved to Missoula in 2005. I started college that fall, but it was too much for me and I had to drop out.

I then worked several terrible jobs, living with random roommates for a couple years before I met my first girlfriend at ~20 years old. Somehow she talked me into joining the National Guard with her, and I did that for ~5 years, but eventually failed at that and had to get out early -- so no benefits and the relationship failed too.

I restarted college again around 2009, this time for business school. I was actually somewhat successful, but hated it, so I switched to chemistry and felt like I had found my calling. I got really interested in water chemistry(Ironically, my last name is the German word for water) and also geology, particularly water-related geology. Between 2009 and 2014 I managed to get a B average in Chemistry, and actually a second degree in geoscience too! I also had many other failed romantic relationships during those years.

I managed to get a job during my final year in college in a chemistry lab doing research. I spent many months carefully and precisely making solutions, doing tests and research to measure freshwater pH.

The professor of that Lab offered me at job at Sunburst Sensors shortly after I graduated, and because I didnt have any other options at the time I accepted it. It actually worked out really well for me because I got to work by myself most of the time, and eventually when Chester entered my life in 2019, I get to bring him to work with me. He's my ESA by the way :) So for the past 11 1/2 years I worked for Sunburst, and the past 6 1/2 with Chester by my side. During this time, I met a wonderful woman and we were together for 7 1/2 years, until August 2025 when she broke up with me because my functioning abilities were not enough. :(

This started a cascade effect in my life. I had to find a place on my own, and I knew the budget would be very tight, but it seemed like it could work, but then the Trump administration started all these trade wars and tariffs and the prices of everything went crazy. On March 13th I had to call a friend for an intervention on myself because I was in the darkest place and thinking about ending it all.

Unfortunately, due to many factors regarding science funding cuts business has turned, and the company is going under, and because they cant pay me enough to survive I can't afford to live in Missoula anymore. I spent everything trying to just survive.

Over all these years I have been in and out of many different types of therapy, and I have made some progress to realize several things about myself and the depth to which all that trauma has affected me.

Some key insights have been how that trauma shaped me to be so critical of myself, because of abandonment wounds and being convinced I was not worthy of love. If fact, I realized, that I've never experienced Unconditional Love in my life. Not through family, nor through any relationships (even the best one) Love always came with a price tag, or was only available when it was convenient for the other person(s).

So now my Job is ending at the end of May, and I will leave Missoula to visit my family in Oklahoma and Texas -- neither being places I really want to go, but I need to make amends with them.

So Now I tell you why I am here:

I am going to sell everything I dont absolutely need, or can fit in my car (which has $6000 left to be paid off) and I am going to travel to my family, and then I will embark on my quest to rediscover who I really am behind all the masks and trauma and emotional wounds.

I'll be 39 years old in July 2026, and Chester will be 7 in August.

I strongly believe in the power of LOVE, and community. I have spent much of my time building community in Missoula, and have done lots of volunteering for organizations I care about which support the greater good of the world. Free Cycles, Watershed Education Network, MUD and more.

Being without a job, and having this disability will make it really difficult to find another job that I am able to do.

I also have $40,000+ in student loans left, even though I paid over 30,000 from 2014- the Covid pause, my balance barely went down.

Some people will read this far and have a sense that they feel for my pain. Others will get here and think I'm just asking for hand-outs.

What I need to do now, is to LIVE. I need to rediscover myself, and my real identity. I need to find passion and purpose. So I am embarking on a spirit quest with Chester by my side to find peace and spiritual enlightenment.

I want very much to visit beautiful places, while I heal my trauma and wounds and finally let my authentic self shine with light and love into the world.

$20 is good for a meal or two.

$40 buys Chester dog food for 3-4 weeks.

$50 will get me (as of today, 4/17/26) Maybe 400 miles worth of gasoline.

Maybe someone out there hears my story and can help contribute to help paying my debts and freeing me from those burdens.

Whatever you happen to be able to give, I will be immensely grateful.

I hope that I can heal, and become my best self so that I can eventually hopefully find another job that I can do.

thank you for reading this Cliff Notes version of my life story.

Please share my story if you believe in LOVE too!