Sometimes helpers need help themselves. Today, a really strong woman who helps the most vulnerable people needs our support. It is my birthday wish that you throw some support her way—as much as you’re able, but even a little bit helps.

My dear friend is escaping domestic abuse. Not only do I love this woman who makes such a difference in the lives of those around her, but she’s facing something I understand well. As a peer counselor for women in and recovering from domestic abuse, I recognized the problem she was facing from some little things she said.

My friend confirmed that she is battling daily to protect herself and her kids as she divorces an abusive husband. On top of dealing with his physical attacks on her, problem-solving when he locks her and the kids out of the house in the middle of winter, or just puts a lock on the thermostat so they don’t have enough heat, she is facing financial, gender and racial discrimination in the legal system because my friend is a black woman with limited funds for a legal battle.

It’s like that so often. Women are navigating life-and-death situations alone. Social, economic, and legal pressures force them to move throughout the world as if nothing is wrong, as if they don’t need and deserve every ounce of support we can give them.

(https://www.pexels.com/@jenyzest)


I’m not about to let one more sister go down.

I’ve watched my friend's situation get more and more dire. If you want to see the world change for women, especially women of color, please give anything you can.

This is real. You can find me on Facebook as Kimberly Robb Baker or see my websites at ThisLittleBrand.com (executive career coach) or DisruptiveMama.com (writer). I’ll be happy to answer any questions. But for her safety and the success of her legal case, her identity must remain anonymous.

Anything you donate will be given to my friend to be used at her discretion and go towards things like:

-          Legal and court fees to get divorce. What is commonly called a “contentious” divorce is often an abuser using the legal system to further torture their partner. Sadly, this often cannot be worked out in mediation and often go to trial, costing tens of thousands of dollars.

-  Legal and court fees to get an order of protection to make him leave the house. My friend needs legal help to get him out of the house so her home can be safe for her and her children. No more appearing alone before a judge who denies an order of protection despite ER reports, police reports, and email and text proof. For this reason alone, if you all go gangbusters, as I hope you will, sharing and donating, I will keep raising the goal.

-          Food, utilities and gas. As you can imagine, the ongoing legal war can suck your savings dry. My friend has her own business as a birth worker, often providing services free or on a sliding scale, and needs a buffer for these things as her income fluctuates.

More Details

Lack of funds has meant my friend has recently had to appear in court without a lawyer in an attempt to get the restraining order (the judge said sorry, but when he threw boiling water at you and, in a separate incident, sent you to the ER in the fall, that was too long ago and locking you out in the cold and threatening to physically harm you and your children and menacing body language isn’t violent).

A police officer who showed up recently when she called 911 commiserated out loud with her husband about gold-digging wives and warned my friend that the situation was volatile and really she should go because her husband won’t (instead of putting him out he put the blame on her, threatened her with child protective services if she stays, and warned her that he didn’t want to be called out again).

If she leaves the house she co-owns with him, she is likely to lose her biggest financial investment, one she worked her tuchus off to make happen, her home. Divorce lawyers will tell you that if you are the one to leave the marital home, you are in a weaker position.

This is not fair. Let’s not normalize this.

She’s figuring out what to do. She has friends staying with her when possible. We are looking into legal aid and shelters. But meanwhile, she’s raising her kids, growing a kid in her womb (and dealing with hyperemesis—which is so debilitating), getting her graduate degree, working, and making sure under-served women don’t die in child birth.

Yes, you heard me right. She’s a birth worker and she serves black women even when they can’t pay in order to ensure they and their babies have a supporter and advocate in a situation where, statistically, their chances of coming out whole are much lower than average due to systemic racism.

 
I met this woman because I needed help and she helped me in the most generous way.

Please, if you would be willing to take me out to lunch or get me a coffee for my birthday, donate to her instead. 

If you've never experienced or witnessed the complexity of leaving an abusive relationship, these flow charts will give you a sense: https://www.facebook.com/kimmohiuddin/posts/10204921915963541