<div>Hey folks. Yeah. It's me again. I know you're sick of me. You can't be more sick of me than I am.
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<div><br />
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<div>I'm humiliated to be showing my face here... again... hat in hand... again. But as I sit here, crying, holding back an anxiety attack, I am scared. I am defeated. I am hopeless. I feel like societal trash, a total failure.
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<div><br />
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<div>I've talked to friends who assure me I'm kind, and intelligent... a good friend. Worthy of love. They tell me that I put goodness into the world and my heart is all about love. Unfortunately, kindness doesn't pay.
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<div><br />
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<div>I chose to come home to Bloomington on Mother's Day, in a moment of emergency. Without divulging other people's personal information, my parents needed help. I was the one that answered that call. I dropped the group therapy that has been saving my life and came home. I've struggled. I've back-tracked. But it was the right thing to do.
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<div><br />
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<div>You may know that in February, I'd saved up $20k. I was thrilled to be able to start actual financial planning. And then my weak, pathetic mind betrayed me. And because I was unable to just get over it and move on, I checked into the hospital for help. That weakness cost me 1/4 of that savings.
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<div><br />
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<div>I spent the next two months in intensive therapy, with medications. I was job hunting, too, but kept hearing from my support system, that I should put my energy toward healing. Toward me. I tried to do that. I've grown a lot. I've learned a lot. I shouldn't have done that. Because now I could pay with the roof over my head.
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<div>Because I'm all alone, with no one to hold me while I struggle, I have now cut down on therapy and cut my cable. I'm taking less medication than I'm prescribed to try to stretch it out and save money, and I have worked non-stop at getting a job. I've spent far too much time on myself. It was a luxury I couldn't afford and shouldn't have. But I did. I was desperate. I don't want to end up in that hotel room with that dastardly plan again. I really do want to be here.
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<div><br />
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<div>Happiness is no longer my goal. My goal is Survival.
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<div>For the first time in my career, I'm getting rejection notices before anyone, human or robot, could possibly read my resume. There's no chance. I have to tell you, I'm losing hope. I won't give up. And my bum knee, master's degree, and I will stand and serve coffee for hours if I have to.
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<div>But in the meantime, as I drove into my parent's neighborhood, my car backfired and huge clouds of black, stinky smoke poured out. It's been in the shop this entire time, and it's fixed, but it wiped me out. That $20K is history. And I now regret going to the hospital and beginning therapy. I should have just kept going and stuffing it all down. But I didn't.
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<div>I cannot pay June's rent. Or car payment. Or utilities.
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<div>I've been told that my choices led me here and I just have to deal with it. I've been told I'm a bad investment and not worth helping. Absolutely. I've made mistakes. Stupid ones. We all have, but mine must have been exceptional to land me at 54 with nothing to show for my entire life. I'm not willing to give up yet.
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<div>I've also been knocked off track by a series of health traumas that have stalled my progress over and over. Sepsis. Pneumonia. Two Pulmonary Embolisms. Four knee surgeries. Two broken ankles at the same time, followed by a shattered foot. A concussion resulting in a TBI. An emergency appendectomy. An emergency gallbladder removal. I have serious PTSD from an assault and other significant life experiences I wouldn't wish on anyone. Massive anxiety, and depression that flat-out scares me.
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<div>These medical issues have ruined my credit. I cannot get a loan. It even costs money to declare bankruptcy, but I will do that as soon as I can. Bankrupt in finances and hope. That's how I feel right now.
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<div>I know you just gave.
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<div>I know I have no right to ask.
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<div>I know I don't deserve it.
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<div>But honestly, I am not sure how to live in my car with two cats. And without them? There is no point.
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<div>If you can see a way to help, I will be forever grateful.
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<div>If you can see a possibility for a LOAN, I will pay you back as soon as humanly possible.
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<div>I live in Chicago. My rent alone, for a small apartment with active train tracks in the back yard that shake my home ten times a day, is $1850. Assuming I get food from a charity, it will be $4K to just barely keep afloat for June. To find a job these days, I need wifi (no cable), my phone, my car. I need my meds, and the basic therapy... I'm afraid of what will happen if I just quit. Seriously. 
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<div><br />
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<div>I will give up on finding a job I've worked toward my whole career. I will get a job at a call center, or at Starbucks, or McDonalds. I will get a job this month. My pride and confidence are gone. I don't care about happiness or fulfillment anymore. I just need a job.
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<div>Buried in an avalanche of embarrassment, sadness, fear, and shame, I'm asking for more help. I don't deserve it. But I don't know what else to do.
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<div><br />
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<div>You are my logical family. My family by choice. I don't know what I'd do without you. ❤️
</div>

Kera Rennert

Tracey Paddock

Celia Harris

Cheryl Martin

Joanne Crawford

Kristin Larson

David Aronoff

Susan Yates

Richard Arthur

Theresa Stites

Shane Bell

Amanda Elsner

Elizabeth Bellis

Brenda Konrath

Janet Steele

Susan Decelles

Anonymous

Shannon Starks

Sallie Matthews

Weary of asking. But still need help.

platform

Platform is iOS

Android

Adyen Google Pay Development Audience

$opt_dummy_attribute

English only

Deprecate Stripe Legacy

dyn_template_ids

Adyen V6 Bene Transfer & MyMoney Campaign Organizers - test01

Bene transfer V6 and AdyenV6MyMoney Campaign Organizers - production

OneTrust next-app audience

fundCountryCode

NextDoor Share Option Users

Fundraisers with Reactions feature capability

fundCurrencyCode

US + Non-charity COs Only

locale

fund country is US and user language is English

personId

comms-internal-person-ids

Enhanced Story Experience Users

Suggested Goal Experience Users

user language is English and fund country: US, AU, DK, FI, IE, NO, SE, CA, GB; 

Poster share - new funds eligible (newest 9/18)

Streaming widgets beta user

paymentProcessor

3DS payment method

user language is English and fundCountry: US, AU, DK, FI, IE, NO, SE, CA, GB; 

GoFundMe Employees

ipAddress

Mark Rieth IP Address

Version 9.2.0 and above

Fund is in English speaking country

desktop

Android v12.11.0 and above

Platform is Android

paymentMethodType

checkoutType

Payment method type group to be vaulted on success

admin pr kit prod

EUR Donation Upsell

Share Text generation Skip Fundraiser

(prod) new funds eligible for amp12 (UGC gallery)

fintrac_cad_idv_form_v2 audience

paymentProcessorAccountId

fallback mode accounts

proCampaignId

p2p legacy startfundraising page

be_supporter_comments_enabled_supported_funds

AMP24 New Funds Only PROD (DO NOT MODIFY)

countryCode

charityId

UKCharities

Federated Search Internal Testing

route.pathname community

US Donation Upsell audience 

Auto Thanks Feature Audience

Supporter Comments Eligible Funds

International Only

fundId

braze fundraiser group 

Payment Identity Transfers ATO Risk Check (Targeted) - Production

Fundraiser Saved Payment Method Rate Limit Bypass (Production)

leaderboard-partner-id-audience-givepanel

Version 9.2.1 and above

AUD Donation Upsell audience

fundraiserCountryCode is US/EN

Active Fundraiser - Smart Default Cadence

DAF Internal

Vault on success card payment method

Platform is iOS v11.0.0 and above

Desktop users

Person ids

United States (US) users

allow yuno fundraisers for test

Mexico country code

Posters INTL

NPO Profile Opted-In

iOS at or above 12.4.0

non-US recurring donors

Canada Campaign Owner Group

Fundraiser Without Meta Link

Scheduler payment tester gorup

charityCommunityId

Charities allow to be claimed unclaimed (PRD)

Canada (CA) users

currencyCode

UC Tipping v20250115 International

pymk_production_xplr_fe_team

Android at or above 12.2.0

Profile photo entry point audience

smart goals (fundraiser/manage) on test01

Activity Tracking v1 Beta Testing

writePath

Stream Notification

start gfm intl allowed locales

Platform is iOS v11.2.0 and above

prod_ach_audience

AI Chatbot Audience

amp13 only new funds (prod) (anyword auto)

UC Flow Enabled (Prod)

Payment Identity Beneficiary Verification - Production

shared notification bell audience

Custom users

ach frontend audience

Android v11.0.0 and above

Users Receiving Payments Paused Notifications

smart goals test01

Manage Coach - US English Organizers Only + new funds only

Team EGG - IP Address list

Fundraiser Without Instagram Deep Link

Native 11.4.0 and above

UC Tipping v20250107

Users Receiving Braze KYC Validation Failed

Native 11.3.0 and above

Influencer - Prod

US fundraisers and US users

userEmail

template_id

userId

fundUrl

isCharityCo

email

appVersion

shouldBucketIntoExperiment

partnerId

donationCadence

isActiveFundraiser

isPartner

isMobile

npoProfileOptIn

fundIsLinkedWithMeta

hasSessionDonation

isCampaignOwner

fundHasInstagramDeepLink

Native 11.4.0 and higher

New funds eligible - Video Sharing (PROD)

GB Donation Upsell audience 

Auto Thanks V3 Rollout Audience

Thank you V3 testing whitelist

isRecurringFriendly

Is Recurring Friendly

Excluded funds - Video Sharing

Logged In Users

CH Donation Upsell audience

Android v10.6.0 and above

userCurrencyCode

Localized Currency

v11.5.0 and above

testAudience

pathname

Survicate

appVersion is at or above 12.8.0

Non-charity fund

isChallengeFundraiser

challenge-fundraisers

Payment Identity Launch Verification - Production

New funds eligible - Posters v2

CAD Donation Upsell Audience

Braze Email Tester

NPO Profile Opted-Out

iOS App Version

hasKnownDonors

PYMK has donors

iOS v12.3.0 and above

Weary of asking. But still need help.

Still $2,150 to go. Help us build momentum.