Although I was no longer being violated by another person, I began a cycle of abusing myself with these substances and was okay with slowly killing myself as long as I didn't have to feel any more emotional pain. 5 therapists and 6 years after I started my journey to heal, I'm finally willing to accept that I am not my trauma and have a desire like never before to turn my life around and live up to my full potential to realize my destiny. I have an extremely difficult time reaching out for help; being vulnerable is one of the hardest things for me to do since I was hurt so badly when I tried to speak up when I was younger. Something had to change before I ended up dead or in jail, so I put my pride aside and told work about my substance use and emotional instability.
Even though I went through everything I experienced when younger, my will to live a stable, happy, and peaceful existence has carried me through to where I am today. I have a job as a study coordinator at UC San Diego, my alma mater, that I absolutely adore and have been working with some of the most amazing, hard working, and compassionate individuals I have ever met, so I asked if I could take time off to check myself into a residential dual diagnosis treatment center. This center saved my life. I immediately connected with everyone there, and finally found a therapist who gets through to me, and finally, I don't feel any judgement.
Unfortunately, my insurance did not cover the full 30 days I was hoping for, and I had to step down to a lower level of care sooner than expected. I tried going back home, but that hasn't worked, so I am committed to continue working on my healing and sobriety and moved into a sober living and want to raise the funds to pay for a few more days in partial hospitalization.
I moved into a sober living home; however, since I live in San Diego, any decent sober living is extremely expensive and can only afford one month there with my parent's help. My therapist encouraged me to stay 3 months minimum.
This is where, once again, I will put my ego and pride aside, pray to the Universe with all my heart, and appeal to the generosity of people who have the means to help fund my healing process. In recovery they say desperation is a gift because it creates action, and I'm committed to work my program with all of my heart and soul because for the first time in 18 years, I truly believe I am worthy of it.
Thanks for taking the time to read. I am grateful for my life and that I'm able to see that I have so much potential to be healthy and help others. My only obstacle now is the money it costs to get there. I'm asking you all to invest in me so I can one day be a rehab counselor and help as many people as possible in the same way I have been helped. Thank you all and I wholeheartedly appreciate you for believing in me and my future.
- Veronica Gonzalez
- Caitlin Crunk
- Michelle Schwartzkopf
- Julie Workman
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