Help Paradoxy Move!
Donation protected
Hello! My (preferred) name is Alex, otherwise known as Paradoxical Intention, or Paradoxy on the internet! I am a freelance graphic designer, newbie witch, and occasional YouTuber, from Sacramento, California.
However, I can't stay there for much longer. There's a few reasons:
- I can't find work in my field or otherwise around here.
I have student loan people breathing down my neck to get their money, not just from the government, but also from my school, since I graduated in 2014 still owing them about two thousand dollars. My school is holding my physical diploma hostage until I pay back the money I owe them, and my payment postponements have run out on my government-issued student loans, and they are demanding a payment now.
Since I can't find work, I'm stuck with no constant income. This means I can't pay my bills.
- My family doesn't care about my mental well-being.
I want to preface this a bit: I love my family. I really do. They've been super kind to me by letting me stay in my grandma's house rent and bill free until I find work, and have been really patient with me in trying to find work.
However, they have also made no effort to understand or to even help aliviate my current mental state. They have said and done things that have pushed me to near suicide.
- They make rude comments about my appearance.
- They get mad at me for showing symptoms of my depression or anxiety (not going out, sleeping too much, staying up too late, being forgetful, etc.).
- They deflect me any time I ask for something or mention I'm not feeling well by talking about the things they have to pay for or how they're not feeling well, and then ignore what I asked for or mentioned.
- They loudly complain about me or minor misteps I've made behind my back, some of which I've heard.
- They try to drag me into conflicts they're having with other family members, which I want nothing to do with.
- They often complain to me about other family members (and say not kind things about them), despite the fact I want nothing to do with their petty arguments.
- I can't bring up problems I have or ask anyone to do anything without being reminded that I don't pay bills, so I have to bite my tongue about everything that bothers me. I have no power to say anything.
- I've lost track of the amount of times I've thought about killing myself and how many times I've had nervous breakdowns because of my family.
- I recently got into an argument with my grandmother over toilet paper and she yelled at me that if I didn't like it, I should move out (with no money and nowhere to go and she knew it), and in tears, asked her if I should kill myself, and if that would make her happy. She responded with half-pity and half "Well, we're all having problems, I'm in pain, your uncle's in pain, your aunt's having a hard time at work..."
I feel isolated and unwelcome in this house and around most of my family. The only ones who seem to care about me are my cousins, neither of which run the house, and therefore can't do anything to help.
- The house I live in is too old, too small, and too cramped.
There are seven people (including myself) who live in my house. My aunt, one of my cousins, and cousin's boyfriend live in a trailer on the side of the house, and we have two cats and seven dogs.
My room used to be a narrow porch. It's about six feet wide, and thirty feet long. While I don't have a lot of stuff, I also don't have a lot of room to do much of anything in my room. I have two windows: One of which was boarded up because it was too old to open, and the other opens directly to the neighbor's window, which is about three feet away.
The house itself was built in the 1920's, so the foundation is crumbling, the house needs constant repairs, and we also have an infestation of rats and roaches.
So, what am I going to do?
I am going to move to Raleigh, NC. I know that's far away, but I don't have any other places to go. I don't have a lot of friends elsewhere in California, my mom lives in a tiny trailer in a town that I never want to go back to, and most of my friends that I regularly keep in contact with are online and live halfway around the world.
However, two of my friends have been super kind to offer me their place, and one of them has even secured a job interview for me after I move in at the drugstore where he works.
On top of that, they are well-aware of my depression and anxiety, and are more than willing to work with it. They are super compassionate about helping me get back on my feet, and they are also aware of my questioning gender, so they've opted to call me by my preferred name as well.
So, moving into a place where I am not only accepted, but can get the help I need when I need it means the world to me, and could very well mean I'll continue to live.
So, now that all of the nastiness is out of the way, what will I use the money for?
I'm asking for three thousand dollars. (All the costs I list here are approximated.) This will:
- Allow me to ship my (small amount of) things cross-country via Amtrak. (200$ USD + two weeks)*
- Allow me to pay back my new roommates for buying a ticket to fly myself and a suitcase to Raleigh. (200$ USD + 12 hours)*
- Allow me to pay off what I still owe my school so I can get my diploma, and pay off one of my many bills. (1,100$ USD)
- Allow me to pay for my application to live in the apartment complex. (50$ USD)*
- And the rest will go towards paying off what I currently owe towards student loans. (1,450$ USD)
*I need these by August 15st, 2016 at the LATEST.
The other stuff has a deadline of August 31st, 2016.
Other things I'm doing to help the move go according to plan:
May: Dedicated to filling up my online stores and mentally planning what's going to happen and when.
June: Going through all my stuff, and figuring out what can go with me, what can stay, and what can be thrown out.
July: Telling my family I'm moving out in the next month, selling stuff I can sell, throwing out what I can't, and finally, packing up the non-necessity stuff that's going with me, doing any necessary paperwork, arranging my flight and my shipping.
August: Getting my packed stuff on Amtrak so it'll be there roughly around the same time as me, preparing myself to fly, helping my new roommates with whatver information they need pre-move.
The move itself will take place August 22.
Here's some ways you can help:
I have a few online stores you can purchase design work from me from, which will also help towards getting me some cash to move out on!
My Redbubble
My Zazzle
My Deviantart
I am trying to keep up with some new designs for the store as often as I can, so check back every so often if you don't see something you like.
I've also included some reward tiers on this campaign, including some basic tarot readings, and some art comissions! You can check my DeviantArt for some recent samples of my work.
Thanks for reading all of this, and even if you can't donate, please spread the word to your friends? I need all the help I can get!
Blessings on you and yours,
Alex
However, I can't stay there for much longer. There's a few reasons:
- I can't find work in my field or otherwise around here.
I have student loan people breathing down my neck to get their money, not just from the government, but also from my school, since I graduated in 2014 still owing them about two thousand dollars. My school is holding my physical diploma hostage until I pay back the money I owe them, and my payment postponements have run out on my government-issued student loans, and they are demanding a payment now.
Since I can't find work, I'm stuck with no constant income. This means I can't pay my bills.
- My family doesn't care about my mental well-being.
I want to preface this a bit: I love my family. I really do. They've been super kind to me by letting me stay in my grandma's house rent and bill free until I find work, and have been really patient with me in trying to find work.
However, they have also made no effort to understand or to even help aliviate my current mental state. They have said and done things that have pushed me to near suicide.
- They make rude comments about my appearance.
- They get mad at me for showing symptoms of my depression or anxiety (not going out, sleeping too much, staying up too late, being forgetful, etc.).
- They deflect me any time I ask for something or mention I'm not feeling well by talking about the things they have to pay for or how they're not feeling well, and then ignore what I asked for or mentioned.
- They loudly complain about me or minor misteps I've made behind my back, some of which I've heard.
- They try to drag me into conflicts they're having with other family members, which I want nothing to do with.
- They often complain to me about other family members (and say not kind things about them), despite the fact I want nothing to do with their petty arguments.
- I can't bring up problems I have or ask anyone to do anything without being reminded that I don't pay bills, so I have to bite my tongue about everything that bothers me. I have no power to say anything.
- I've lost track of the amount of times I've thought about killing myself and how many times I've had nervous breakdowns because of my family.
- I recently got into an argument with my grandmother over toilet paper and she yelled at me that if I didn't like it, I should move out (with no money and nowhere to go and she knew it), and in tears, asked her if I should kill myself, and if that would make her happy. She responded with half-pity and half "Well, we're all having problems, I'm in pain, your uncle's in pain, your aunt's having a hard time at work..."
I feel isolated and unwelcome in this house and around most of my family. The only ones who seem to care about me are my cousins, neither of which run the house, and therefore can't do anything to help.
- The house I live in is too old, too small, and too cramped.
There are seven people (including myself) who live in my house. My aunt, one of my cousins, and cousin's boyfriend live in a trailer on the side of the house, and we have two cats and seven dogs.
My room used to be a narrow porch. It's about six feet wide, and thirty feet long. While I don't have a lot of stuff, I also don't have a lot of room to do much of anything in my room. I have two windows: One of which was boarded up because it was too old to open, and the other opens directly to the neighbor's window, which is about three feet away.
The house itself was built in the 1920's, so the foundation is crumbling, the house needs constant repairs, and we also have an infestation of rats and roaches.
So, what am I going to do?
I am going to move to Raleigh, NC. I know that's far away, but I don't have any other places to go. I don't have a lot of friends elsewhere in California, my mom lives in a tiny trailer in a town that I never want to go back to, and most of my friends that I regularly keep in contact with are online and live halfway around the world.
However, two of my friends have been super kind to offer me their place, and one of them has even secured a job interview for me after I move in at the drugstore where he works.
On top of that, they are well-aware of my depression and anxiety, and are more than willing to work with it. They are super compassionate about helping me get back on my feet, and they are also aware of my questioning gender, so they've opted to call me by my preferred name as well.
So, moving into a place where I am not only accepted, but can get the help I need when I need it means the world to me, and could very well mean I'll continue to live.
So, now that all of the nastiness is out of the way, what will I use the money for?
I'm asking for three thousand dollars. (All the costs I list here are approximated.) This will:
- Allow me to ship my (small amount of) things cross-country via Amtrak. (200$ USD + two weeks)*
- Allow me to pay back my new roommates for buying a ticket to fly myself and a suitcase to Raleigh. (200$ USD + 12 hours)*
- Allow me to pay off what I still owe my school so I can get my diploma, and pay off one of my many bills. (1,100$ USD)
- Allow me to pay for my application to live in the apartment complex. (50$ USD)*
- And the rest will go towards paying off what I currently owe towards student loans. (1,450$ USD)
*I need these by August 15st, 2016 at the LATEST.
The other stuff has a deadline of August 31st, 2016.
Other things I'm doing to help the move go according to plan:
May: Dedicated to filling up my online stores and mentally planning what's going to happen and when.
June: Going through all my stuff, and figuring out what can go with me, what can stay, and what can be thrown out.
July: Telling my family I'm moving out in the next month, selling stuff I can sell, throwing out what I can't, and finally, packing up the non-necessity stuff that's going with me, doing any necessary paperwork, arranging my flight and my shipping.
August: Getting my packed stuff on Amtrak so it'll be there roughly around the same time as me, preparing myself to fly, helping my new roommates with whatver information they need pre-move.
The move itself will take place August 22.
Here's some ways you can help:
I have a few online stores you can purchase design work from me from, which will also help towards getting me some cash to move out on!
My Redbubble
My Zazzle
My Deviantart
I am trying to keep up with some new designs for the store as often as I can, so check back every so often if you don't see something you like.
I've also included some reward tiers on this campaign, including some basic tarot readings, and some art comissions! You can check my DeviantArt for some recent samples of my work.
Thanks for reading all of this, and even if you can't donate, please spread the word to your friends? I need all the help I can get!
Blessings on you and yours,
Alex
Organizer
Paradoxical Intention
Organizer
Sacramento, CA
