If my brothers had a bad day at school, or my parents had a bad day at work, they knew they could come home and take it out on me. I was easy. i was small. I was defiant. And when my defiance was replaced with fear and countless failed attempts at friendship - anything to make it stop - they would sneer at me and say they knew who I really was. I was their only real problem and they couldn't wait for me to die.
My whole life all my family taught me was to be afraid. i thought if I was good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough they would love me, but nothing I did was ever enough.
I lost my virginity at the age of 3 and a half to a neighbor boy, and I was so used to people using my body for whatever they wanted I didn't even realize it until a therapy session last month. When I was 16 a group of men tried to pull me into their car and rape me. I told my mother. She said I looked like someone who would want men to do that to them.
A group of men raped me while I was waiting for my brother to pick me up from high school. They told the assistant coach I was easy. I was in his math class. He propositioned me for sex. When I told him no he proceeded to harass and ridicule me. He failed me when I shouldn't have failed. He would call my mother during class at least once a week and put her on speakerphone. Then, they would spend several minutes talking about what a horrible student and person I was. when I tried to tell her what was happening she didn't believe me. Not until he targeted my sister the next year. All this happened while those men continued to stalk me.
I was forced to drop out of school.
With limited education, an inability to drive, and fear of anyone or everyone getting close to me and 'discovering' I was 'awful' I became completely dependent on my parents. The abuse continued to escalate. I was seen as a failure. The reason my mom was sad. My family resented me. I tried to kill myself.
Fast forward to today. My parents are both gone. I'm slowly trying to put the pieces of my life back together. But my brothers are still the same. Still angry. Still violent. And I'm still here.
I was scared to make this because a part of me feels like I deserve this life. That it's my own failing which caused it. Then, my brothers gave me some mystery illness they won't even get tested for in the middle of a global pandemic where millions have died. Instead of being concerned for my well-being, they still expect me to clean up after them, to make their food, and to be obedient. They even decided how to spend my part of our inheritance forcing me to continue living here indefinitely.
I just want to finally be free.
The money here will be used to get me permanent residence and pay for food and utilities until I can get on my feet. Anything at all you can donate would be immensely appreciated. Please, help me be free.
- Leah Marroquin
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