Hello! My name is Jenna Gass. I am 34 years old and reside in Portland, Oregon. All of my life I have felt trapped by my own body. You see I am a trans woman and while transitioning and living openly and honestly these last few years has helped me tremendously, one thing in particular still makes me shudder.
My body feels like a prison
To be perfectly blunt about it my genitals are a source of tremendous discomfort for me. Every little reminder is painful, the congruence I so desperately seek impossible in my current configuration. Every day I am rather painfully reminded of my body. Every little glance getting in and out of the shower, every time I get dressed. The hurt and the pain never goes away.
Gender Confirmation Surgery would be a dream come true for me and a goal over two decades in the making, unfortunately it is a rather expensive procedure and though I work, I simply cannot save the needed funds on my own. Insurance coverage in this country also rarely helps.
A dream 20 plus years in the making
Growing up I would dream about having a different body, my teen years were spent largely crying myself to sleep every night. I just couldn't identify with who the outside world saw me as and my body simply felt so wrong to me.
To say that puberty was an absolute hell for me would be a massive understatement. Imagine if you will having a body that you know shouldn't be there. Now imagine all the changes that go along with puberty and said wrong body. Let's face it puberty isn't a fun time for anyone. It's awkward...it's painful and it's just plain not a good time. This can be magnified for a trans person.
Transition and what it has meant to me
I was in a really bad place emotionally when I finally made the decision to transition. Decades of trying everything not to transition had failed. Supression wasn't working, my depression had become overwhelming and something had to give... or quite simply I wasn't going to be around long.
In September, 2010 I had my first appointment with a gender therapist and so I began my journey. By the time early January 2011 was upon us, it was time I had a deep breath, took the biggest gulp of my life and started the scary step of coming out to family and friends. I have since become a better and happier person for it. I'm also one of the lucky ones who didn't lose family or friends in the process.
Ready for the final step.
Only one thing remains for me and my transition. I am ready to have gender confirmation surgery and finally after nearly 35 years have a body that feels right. A body that's comfortable and a body that's mine. One that I can look at and think about without shuddering or wanting to cry.
I want to be able to simply live my life like any other person. Wear what I want to more comfortably, reduce my chances of getting beaten, or even killed for my body and just make up for lost time while still fairly young.
The internet is a truly amazing thing, it brings people together, it builds bridges and breaks down barriers. I'm now hoping that same internet can help me to finally feel comfortable in my own skin and finally be able to enjoy a normal life. I thank you for reading and appreciate more than you could ever know any donations, shares and even simple well wishes.
I believe in my heart that this can get done, I have to believe for my own sanity. It's likely not going to be easy, it certainly won't happen overnight, but every share, every dollar and every positive vibe brings me closer.
Thanks again from the bottom of my heart
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