My wife started this campaign for me a while back without telling me because she knew how much dysphoria was affecting me as well as the depression of getting fired right after coming out of the closet.
I'm now 32 years old (the average life expectancy for a trans woman is between 23-42) and the dysphoria is worse than ever. I have been outed at work and had my dead name passed around, which after reporting, was denied permanent employment because of. I am constantly misgendered when I leave the house to go out in public. During a recent unrelated hospital stay, I was triggered into a catatonic state by the constant misgendering of the medical professionals there after repeatedly asserting my gender and pronouns, even while in extreme pain and still under the influence of pain medication.
I am not a special case. The trauma the trans community experiences is horrible. Depression, anxiety, and PTSD run very high in this community. For so many in our society, there are places a person can go and feel like it is a safe place. There are so very few of those in the trans comminity. Not even doctors or mental health facilities.
I feel terrible to reach out in this way, as so many trans people are often forced to do, due to the lack of inclusion for these types of surgery in medical insurance policies. I wish so much that there was another way for me to procure these funds, but there really isn't for me.
After being denied a full time job by my most recent employer for calling out trans discrimination, I am totally broke. Financially, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
I'm praying these surgeries will give me the confidence to step back into the world and have a good life.
For a quarter century, I spent my life trying desperately to be a man that never was. A quarter century of my life lived as an utter and complete lie. I thought that when I came out of the closet, everything would magically get better and in many ways it did. Still, the constant misgenderings create a fear that is almost insurmountable inside of me. I don't go anywhere public alone for fear of a misgendering turning into an attack that I unfortunately spend so much time reading about happening to other trans women. I try not to go anywhere public even if I'm with other people because every “Sir” said in my direction reminds me that as out and proud as I am, the world still doesn't and, without surgery, never will see me as the woman I am, after so many years of testosterone poisoning.
32 years I've been here just wanting to be accepted for who I am. I know that these surgeries won't make me fully accepted, but they will help so much and go such a long way to easing some of the crushing dysphoria that holds me captive in my own home. I pray that the universe will somehow provide through this being spread enough and people for some reason deciding to donate to this cause.
I feel so guilty for asking for this money because there are so many trans women in need in this world. I try to help as much as possible, but my dysphoria driven depression hits in waves the sizes of tsunamis and often leaves me reaching for help instead of giving it.
I don't know what I can offer to those who help other than my vow to do all I can to continue to speak out against oppression of trans people and other marginalized groups. Honestly, I'd do that anyways until I had nothing left to give.
Thank you so much to the people who have already donated that I had no idea about. You all are amazing I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.
I love you all,
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