I was in an abusive relationship with my ex-husband for 8 years. I don't have many photos, but someone took this for me to remind me to never go back to him. I spent years terrified of him, and I was afraid that he would kill me when he got out of jail if I had pressed charges. I went through psychological, physical, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse throughout that relationship.

Fast forward to the present, and my complex PTSD flared up at my last job. There were mixed messages about my role, responsibilities were constantly being added to my plate, and upper management kept making me feel like I was doing something wrong by doing my assigned projects instead of being in the construction areas. I addressed this with my department head, and she wouldn't clarify for upper management what my responsibilities were in the department. I was afraid to do my work because it involved being at my desk. I started hiding to do my work in other buildings on site. I became increasingly paranoid and started having panic attacks. I even had a mini mental breakdown at work where I couldn't speak for 4-5 hours, or I was just afraid to speak. I really don't know what happened that day to my brain.

Then, I was gaslighted by co-worker D when we had a disagreement about proper procedures. Another co-worker kept putting up "Round 1", "Round 2" pictures in our group chat as we were going back and forth on the issue. My manager just wanted it to be over, so he let co-worker D alone contact a higher-up with no construction experience to settle this procedure dispute. Since co-worker D couldn't be wrong, he used that opportunity to manipulate the higher-up into agreeing with him.

The stress plus the multiple trauma triggers involved in that last incident set off my C-PTSD symptoms to the point that my blood pressure skyrocketed. I was shaking in anger, fear, frustration, etc., and I really wanted to go punch him in the face. I couldn't look at him; I could hardly breathe. I was already dreading work every day for a few months, but after that, I knew it was not going to go well if I went back to work.

I went on temporary disability, and the lasting effects from the incident kept me from moving forward for months. I was afraid to leave my house. I didn't trust anyone that I wasn't 100% sure was safe. I was depressed that the old trauma could still create this type of response in me.

Fast forward to today. I have been unemployed and stopped receiving temporary disability at the end of November. My company told unemployment that my termination was voluntary because I missed a form when I was still depressed and avoiding any triggering thoughts that came from thinking about work. That has had my unemployment in limbo for over 3 months. 3 months without any income as a single parent, and I have managed to survive on my savings until now. I am not sure that I will be able to pay all of our bills this month.

I'm looking for work, but I can't take on a position like that again. My mental health is finally starting to recover. I will continue to look for work that won't end in a nervous breakdown.

I hope if you know someone that has dealt with similar abuse, that you treat them kindly. We are resilient, but the damage is deep, and the healing process is not linear. I am getting treatment for this, and I'm improving every day, but my financial situation is not. Any help is appreciated.