Send me to Philly to get my race on!

Im a poor college student with big dreams. I want to put my last tetanus shot to the test and race Bilenky Junkyard cross and SSCXWC. Ive been training hard on and off the bike. I even won a heckling contest and I have been drinking a bit. Im hoping my community can assist me in the cost to make this dream a reality. Im skipping stupid nationals and heading right to World Champion. I promise that if I win, you all will get a signed photo of yours truly in the gold speedo(NC17)!! So what do you say??