Please keep my children in their home.

So, here is the latest. On thursday, My Oncologist informed me that they had found metastatic breast cancer in 4 of my vertebra with one tumor measuring 5.9 cm. They also found 2 spots on my liver. Not good!...without treatment he only expected me to live 4-6 weeks. Needless to say, I started chemotherapy that day. I will be on some form of chemotherapy for the rest of my life. On tuesday, I have a meeting with the radiologist and I will get tattooed and prepped for radiation. I will then have an ultrasound and a CT scan to determine if the Dr.s can use the cyberknife to get at the spots on the liver. I sure hope so. The average life span of a patient with my condition is 4-6 months---but, as you know, I have never been average. I won't give up. I made it 10 years when they only thought I would be around for 3 the first time..I intend to do the same for this journey.


The previous paragraph was written 7 months ago.


Since this is a journey, I must plan for the worst and hope for the best. My greatest worry is for my children when I pass. They want to stay in their home. We have lived in our home for over 12 years and it is the only home my daughter has known. Needless to say, I am jobless and living on Social Security disability. I have never in my life planned for this type of life. In the short time I have left, I will never be able to pay off my mortgage. I owe a little over 45K and I am making interest only payments. We need a roof too...but, it isn't leaking yet. I was planning on getting it done this year, I guess it is just going to have to wait.


I have a couple of great kids. My son is 18, registered for college and waiting for his program to open up. He is going to take up welding as there seems to be a need and he can weld part time while he continues his education...he aspires to become a civil rights attorney. My daughter recently turned 15. She is my biggest helper. And, she is a straight A student. She got an invite to Capital Hill to attend a three day conference for aspiring medical students....she is planning to go to vet school but I think her guidance counsellor would like her to become an oncologist. Needless to say, I couldn't afford to send her to Washington D.C...she understands.


I feel so selfish sometimes because I am taking up so much of their childhood with my illness. Do you know how hard it is to talk to your children about funeral arrangements? Thankfully I do not need anything special and they know where they are to place my ashes.


They were raised right and I know I can count on my son to watch out for his sister. As much as they hated me being so tough on them...they were never spoiled and for the most part, they had to work for things they have. They will appreciate it when they are on their own. I have been working on teaching them how to shop and manage their money. My children have been cooking full meals since I was diagnosed the first time. My daughter prefers to bake and my son is sometimes too adventurous for my tastes but he can make ramen taste like a gourmet meal. I really need to teach them how to can. They both know how to garden.


Should my goal exceed the mortgage and the roof, I would like to have cards with messages from me and a little cash for the special event. I doubt I will make it for their graduations, marriages, children...birthdays, holidays and all of the special occaisions we take for granted. I am thankful for the extra months the radiation and chemotherapy have given me. But, the pain is returning and sometime, the options for healing will be gone. I seek the comfort that my children will remain in their home.


Thanks everyone and Bless You!
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